Do you ever come across someone "everyone" loves but you don't?

[QualityChecked]

This is a woman in her 30s, very beautiful and very lively. Good fun, accomplished in her career, got lots of nice things to say to people.

People don't just like her, they think she's absolutely wonderful. People (men and women) are always telling me what an amazing person she is.

I find her manipulative. She can get anyone to do anything for her, hardly ever pays for a drink or a meal, agrees to go to everything but often doesn't show or leaves very early because she has some other thing on the same night.

It's just me though, everyone else seems to think it's fine for the opportunity to bask in her light. Probably I sound jealous, but it's not that, I'm just baffled why others see her so differently to I do.

Yeah a mum at the school. She's very bubbly, chatty and kind. She does charity work and is a good person but my heart sinks when I see her. She just talks at you and not to you. She doesn't listen to a word you say and doesn't come up for air. You can hear her gasping for breath as she's rambling on. She is also religious which is fine, but I feel like she tried to press her beliefs on me, when mine are different. I just say hi when I see her now and hurry ahead as I just find her so annoying.

I know exactly what you mean. There is a person in one of my friendship groups like this, everybody seems to love her but I think she is manipulative and she can be really mean and judgemental about others. I think it frustrates me because it’s very hypocritical, she will birch about people for ‘faults’ or traits I can clearly see in her. She has no empathy and is very self centred but nobody else seems to see it or if they do they don’t mind it enough to stop showering her with attention.

I hang out and go away for weekends and go to gigs with a large fluid group. There's enough of us that we can do several different things at the same time but always have someone to do them with, which is nice. There's one guy who is in the periphery but very good friends with a couple of my friends. I absolutely loathe him. He's incredibly loud, really controlling, takes the puss out if anyone who doesn't want to go what he thinks we should do, and gatecrashes events and takes over. His wife looks more and more downtrodden every time I see her. And everyone else thinks he's GREAT. Life+soul, etc. There's no back story, no troubled past, he's just a twat

I have known someone for many years who I feel a bit like this about. She is (apparently) such a character, everybody loves her, she now runs a super successful business and wins all the clients out there, her employees adore her, people flock around her, if she is in a room she is the only person everyone is listening to. Mutual friends talk about her all the time and her latest antics, she is like an idol.

I just find her really boring!

When I'm one to one with her, it's like she doesn't engage and isn't really listening and I feel a bit exhausted being with her.

I know it's just me being too boring for her or something, but I do find it fascinating.

I know a school mum like this. She love bombs people but is very strategic about who and when. It's interesting to watch. Hugely obsessed with her public image. Many people love her. Quite a few people have noticed that she is, in fact, ruthless and will stop at nothing to obtain an advantage for her children at the expense of everyone else's child. I'm impressed at the level of her social skills but now that I've seen the agenda I can't bring myself to like her much.

God there was a similar woman at the school gate when my children were small. PTA, social organiser etc. Village Queen Bee.
We lost a lot of money 10 years ago and were dropped from the circle. No more invites. A friend told me she talked about our situation constantly. I refused to invite her to my new house when things picked up for us. A couple of mutual friends said it was mean of me not to include her. Why? I had not socialised with her for years. I am not the National Trust.

Local eccentric personality. Everyone loves them. So funny…great craic. Passes themselves off as upper class and monied. Erm, no. It’s all fake. Had nothing to actually say but just takes the piss out of everyone. Pretty shallow. But goodness forbid sharing that opinion with everyone. Oh, and don’t have a pot to piss in.

Hmm I don’t know, I try and be a friendly, kind person. There are always people who seem to take against me for no reason at all. There was one at my last workplace who was incredibly rude not answering when I talked to her and such like. She managed to get another colleague to be rude to me too and they would make catty comments right in front of me. I’m sure they thought she they were so clever seeing through my ‘act’ .

Mind you I have never lit up a room or had people flock to me though.

Yes! This happens to me all the time.

I am also quite quiet so I think we are just more observant and can kind of detach and observe from an outsider's perspective. I also was raised by a parent who could be emotionally abusive one minute and then act like the perfect parent the next, so I think I am quite hyperaware of nuances of behaviour.

I find it a bit frustrating because once I see something I can't unsee it, if that makes sense. For example, there is a colleague at work who is really bubbly, friendly and likeable but I've seen this tiny shred of meanness come out sometimes when she responds to people, it's very subtle but it's there. It's clouded my opinion of her and I am now much more cautious around her.

However, it also goes the other way, I can pick up when people are just genuinely lovely. Even when they may put a front on, it's like my gut instinct just knows they are 'safe' to be around.

There's a mum at my DC's school like this. The most extrovert person I've ever encountered...zero self consciousness. Loud, chatty but actually has a brilliant way at making you feel when shes talking to you like you should be grateful. Like she's storming through life and everyone else is an extra...it's hard to explain. Everyone seems to think she's great...I cannot stand her

I know someone like this, I have decided that it is a case of keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

we have one of this type at work- centre of attention at all times, anything that comes up for team discussion has to have originated from an incident involving her, if anyone has a health issue, she somehow makes it seem they are copying her(? ) and she has somehow managed to get our call handlers to pass on the choice calls to her, whilst the rest of us get the difficult calls (though this sometimes backfires now, as so many people use mobile numbers and they are less recognisable lol)
she is minted (lives in a 1 mil house, rental properties, diamonds like quails eggs and designer everything - she tells us the make /designer etc)and gives the smallest contribution to staff collections, yet receives the most generous gifts when its her turn
i dont get her at all, however, watch her in action and have to admire her social skills

Interestingly (I think) the woman in question seems to have decided not to bother with me. She's never nasty or anything, she just seems to have identified that it's not worth wasting the effort on me.

I don't dislike her particularly, I'm just surprised everyone else seems to think she's so wonderful and I do worry for one or two people who seem particularly under her spell, when I can see they're being taken advantage of. But maybe that's how they like it, the pay off for the attention?

I know exactly the type of person you mean.

The older I get, the easier they are to spot and less I am impressed or starstruck by them.

Like she's storming through life and everyone else is an extra...it's hard to explain.

You explained it perfectly. That's a brilliant way to describe it.

people flock around her, if she is in a room she is the only person everyone is listening to. Mutual friends talk about her all the time and her latest antics, she is like an idol.

When I'm one to one with her, it's like she doesn't engage and isn't really listening and I feel a bit exhausted being with her.

I think we know the same person! My 'friend' would be described as a bundle of positive energy. She's always the last to arrive and bursts into the room with these big jazz hands and a megawatt smile, then immediately launches into some outrageous/hilarious story before she's even sat down. It's like we are the audience and we've been waiting patiently for her one-woman show to start. She barely pauses for breath but because she's so attractive and so smiley and so kissy-kissy mwah-mwah darlings, everyone seems in her thrall. They don't seem to notice that she's only ever animated or engaged when she's talking about herself. The minute anyone else starts and the attention oges off her, she fidgets, gets bored, interrupts to turn the convo back to her, or gets completely distracted by something else entirely.

She can also be patronising and bitchy but does it in such a way that it sounds like she's being nice. It's passive agressive and sly but I think she convinces herself that she's being complimentary.

I've spent years meeting this woman in the company of mutual friends and thinking it was only me who was missing whatever gene was required to be a superfan, but recently my DH told me 'I'm sorry but I can't stand her. I know everyone loves her but I think she's loud, shallow and attention seeking and she gets on my nerves.'

I know the sort of person you mean. I've even known people like this who had little obvious charisma, and had few friends generally, but were oddly admired by one little group.

Actually MN has/had a prime example...

Just one?

I can think of a few over the years.

@QualityChecked

This is a woman in her 30s, very beautiful and very lively. Good fun, accomplished in her career, got lots of nice things to say to people.

People don't just like her, they think she's absolutely wonderful. People (men and women) are always telling me what an amazing person she is.

I find her manipulative. She can get anyone to do anything for her, hardly ever pays for a drink or a meal, agrees to go to everything but often doesn't show or leaves very early because she has some other thing on the same night.

It's just me though, everyone else seems to think it's fine for the opportunity to bask in her light. Probably I sound jealous, but it's not that, I'm just baffled why others see her so differently to I do.

OMG yes! And they were promoted to a position at work that was way beyond their capabilities, purely due to the fact everyone (the bosses) liked them so much . And they were not particularly good at the job. Genuinely no jealousy on my part, completely different role at work etc. I put it down to them having the gift of the gab?! 🤷🏻‍♀️

We have one at work. Everyone fawns over her. But I could see through her straight away, she's incredibly insincere and will single out people who will benefit her, she will definitely love bomb then pull back when her needs are met.
I've always been pleasant and polite, but I don't fawn and she doesn't really give me the time of day. I think we have the measure of each other 😬

Welcome to my autistic world 😆

As long as neurotypical people pay more attention to how people say something than what they say, then these kind of individuals will float around with their entourage of adoring followers.

While I lurk in the shadows, rolling my eyes .

I seem to be completely immune to the charms of people like this. But then I find I get an intense feeling that about 70% of the people I meet are faking it/insincere, so maybe I'm overly cynical by nature. I grew up with a narcissistic mother, which I think makes you especially attuned to this bullshit.

I knew someone like this years ago and I inwardly called her The Charismatic Liar. She floated through life with people grovelling around her. It was quite bizarre because anyone with an ounce of perception could see right through her.

She wronged me quite seriously and I called her out on it and she turned so nasty, and yet even then she was viewed as innocent of wrongdoing by others even though I had hard paper evidence of what she had done. I was the one who was viewed in the wrong when what she had done could have landed her in court. But nope, so many knew what evidence I had and she was still viewed as the Second Coming and I was the cow for calling her out on it 🤷‍♀️

Yes. I work with a male colleague who most people think is oh so funny and kind and 'means well'.

Actually, he is one of the most ecotistic, bullying, sarcastic, intimidating people I have ever known. I am much younger and we started at the same time, and some of the things he had said to me make me so angry. He would never say such things to or about another colleague.

There are a couple of other colleagues who see through him too, thank goodness.

I have a list of all the things he has said or done to make me feel uncomfortable or upset, and one day, if I am brave enough, I will take it to our 'manager' and maybe put an official complaint in.

*egotistic