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Original poster

Do you ever come across someone "everyone" loves but you don't?

111 replies

QualityChecked · 27/11/2021 11:24

This is a woman in her 30s, very beautiful and very lively. Good fun, accomplished in her career, got lots of nice things to say to people.

People don't just like her, they think she's absolutely wonderful. People (men and women) are always telling me what an amazing person she is.

I find her manipulative. She can get anyone to do anything for her, hardly ever pays for a drink or a meal, agrees to go to everything but often doesn't show or leaves very early because she has some other thing on the same night.

It's just me though, everyone else seems to think it's fine for the opportunity to bask in her light. Probably I sound jealous, but it's not that, I'm just baffled why others see her so differently to I do.

OP posts:

50ShadesOfCatholic · 27/11/2021 14:16

@Wide

I know someone like this,has to be centre of attention, loud laugh,chats to everyone and very smiley (which I wish I could be) I suppose I envy how happy she comes across but then her children are nasty and bitchy at school,something doesn't add up,smiley happy mum yet needy nasty children and this has been noted by a few people about the kids.

I think some people just have a high energy that they can keep up and it atttacts people whereas I burn out and can't keep chatting and smiling forever

How on earth can you know how her children behave at school?

Your post comes across as very gossipy and unpleasant, bad-mouthing children to other parents.

MalcolmTuckersBollockingface · 27/11/2021 14:17

@Squashpocket

I seem to be completely immune to the charms of people like this. But then I find I get an intense feeling that about 70% of the people I meet are faking it/insincere, so maybe I'm overly cynical by nature. I grew up with a narcissistic mother, which I think makes you especially attuned to this bullshit.

I think having narc parents does mean you can recognise this behaviour easily. I am also immune to the charm of these people and they seem to sense I’m not on board with their bullshit.

Wide · 27/11/2021 14:22

@50ShadesOfCatholic I know because my children and other parents I know have been on the receiving end of her her chikdren being nasty,no I wasn't gossiping it has been said to me. It's a fact,I've not just decided to pick on kids. The mum in question is also just like all the other pta schoolgate mums people have mentioned in comments above

TokyoSushi · 27/11/2021 14:27

This happens to me a lot! I wonder if it's us, or them?

Coffeetree · 27/11/2021 14:27

I think there's a difference between a naturally charismatic person and someone who "strategically lovebombs* as someone put it so well above.

Lunificent · 27/11/2021 14:27

@ISpyCobraKai

Actually MN has/had a prime example...

Who dat?

Wide · 27/11/2021 14:28

@Comedycook I understand! We have one of those mums. She's never actually done anything wrong but she's so ott and I feel I meed a lie down afterwards,like can people really be so bubbly all the time even at home?!

Fluffycloudland77 · 27/11/2021 14:28

Yes I do, the outside persona is very different from how they actually are. New people they meet are taken in at first but some have realised their pretty ruthless really.

DeusExMoscato · 27/11/2021 14:29

Yes, the boyfriend (A) of a friend (B). I'd been friends with B since we were about 11. We met A in 6th form & they got together pretty soon after. I never liked him, he was charismatic, outgoing, funny & clever, but I found him abrasive, cocky, & TBH a bit of a bully towards anyone he considered less than him but that it wasn't so easy to criticise him for targeting - so no-one coloured, no-one with disabilities, etc. He picked on clever white kids who were shy, the ones with low level ASD, etc. Me.
It later turned out, not at all to my surprise, that he'd been hitting my friend. And he broke her heart by dumping her absolutely out of the blue, after several years of marriage, because he wanted to move abroad but it wasn't convenient for her. He just announced it one Monday morning like he'd decided he wanted to buy some new shoes.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 27/11/2021 14:29

[quote Wide]@50ShadesOfCatholic I know because my children and other parents I know have been on the receiving end of her her chikdren being nasty,no I wasn't gossiping it has been said to me. It's a fact,I've not just decided to pick on kids. The mum in question is also just like all the other pta schoolgate mums people have mentioned in comments above[/quote]
Or maybe your children are nasty? I wouldn't be at all surprised given how you talk about others.

ParishSpinster · 27/11/2021 14:30

I know someone that nearly everyone thinks is amazing. They have done some good things for the town, but they were quite mean to me the first time I talked to them, and then was repearedly really quite dismissive to me and someone else. Ione other person who dislikes them.

It made me feel like I was on a different planet for a bit, but then they kept acting like a dick to me and not others. And I hear tiny bits of info about them from others that adds up to a bigger picture of arsey behaviour. I no longer really care and limit interaction with them. But I do feel like I've glimpsed behind the curtain now.

thefirstmrsrochester · 27/11/2021 14:32

I have one of these in my orbit. No particular redeeming features, moves from person to person according to what benefit she feels that can be to her, endless social media proclamations of deep friendship with however she is grifting at the time, whilst working away in the background to create disharmony amongst others, lashes out with incredible and untrue accusations against the few who stand up to her, then takes to bed for days on end to protect her mental health from the shit show of her own creation, a scratch on her finger becomes a near death experience, I could go on and on.

When I first encountered her, my first though was why does she have no friends, odd to be on ones 5th decade with nary a friend. Still had no friends, just people who’s lives she has managed to infiltrate, and is thus kept on side or at arms length for reasons of self protection against her utterly vile and harmful meltdowns. Too much trouble to risk upsetting, rather than revered and popular.

Thewiseoneincognito · 27/11/2021 14:34

Yes I know a few like that, also have a few frenemies who I tolerate for the greater good of friendship circles etc but there’s no chance I would ever trust them.

CamilleCamisole · 27/11/2021 14:38

Occasionally....but I can usually see why people like them, even if they aren't my cup of tea. I think it's fine to not like them, but when you get to "I don't know what everyone sees in Emma", I do think that could come across as jealousy (sorry).

Wide · 27/11/2021 14:39

@50ShadesOfCatholic I haven't said anything bad what is your problem?! I've said her children have been horrible to mine and other children, how would you know even know the situation? Why would I even lie on an anon forum. Baffling you are sticking up for kids that have been nasty that you don't even know. Kids can be horrible sorry you don't like that

Catsstillrock · 27/11/2021 14:39

Yes. Knew her when I was younger. I learned a lot from her about how to work a room and project confidence.

A perceptive friend saw right though her and showed me how she had to be the centre of attention with everything revolving around her, especially men. He ignored her parties with others as as she predicted she went crazy.

We stayed friends for a while, but I increasingly saw it was all one way. Fine as long as I served her, she never reciprocated. I also observed her pursing a guy (and senior at work) relentlessly. Think calling him over and over until he is speak to her (they’d had a fling but he was trying to keep his distance as he was friends with her then boyfriend).

She projected that men fell at her feet, she never chased.

I learned a lot from that too, that the stories people tell about themselves can be far from the reality.

A few mutual friends are still in the fold and feel proud of it. They’re welcome to her.

It’s 100% true that people like this know when they’ve been seen through and they don’t like it, so find ways to push the non believers away.

Elieza · 27/11/2021 14:41

I feel your pain.

Ive seen the flip side of someone like that. She married into my family. I liked her a lot at first. But then I realised she was a bully and violent with it to someone who was scared to speak up. What she did is so bad that the few people I’ve told don’t believe me.

They just think I’m a jealous liar. That’s the worst but. I’m so not like that.

Frustrating as hell but what can you do. Just keep away. The truth will out. At which point I’ll be telling them I told you so. (I never said I wasn’t childish)

toddybell · 27/11/2021 14:42

My sister is like this. I just don't get it. It's her show all. The. Time. I'm not jealous but bemused and frustrated by how blind people are to the real her.

StormyTeacups · 27/11/2021 14:43

@nannybeach

I know someone (very well,,) overweight,scruffy, lazy, sponger. Who everyone else thinks is wonderful,manages to get everything done for them,handed to them on a plate.

Not sure what overweight,scruffy, has to do with anything@nannybeach?

CamilleCamisole · 27/11/2021 14:46

@Elieza

I feel your pain.

They just think I’m a jealous liar. That’s the worst but. I’m so not like that.

Frustrating as hell but what can you do. Just keep away. The truth will out. At which point I’ll be telling them I told you so. (I never said I wasn’t childish)

I feel like I need to know what she did!! What was it? How does she hide that she is violent from everyone else? Need more info 😁

TwilightSkies · 27/11/2021 14:48

I see straight through people like that. And they can tell I can, and therefore don’t like me because I don’t play along.

ColinTheKoala · 27/11/2021 14:58

Yes- an ex boss who everyone else seemed to hero-worship but I didn't.

My DH's niece-in-law - everyone thinks she's amazing. I think she's a bit sneery and not that wonderful at all.

My cousin's wife. She does a lot for people but makes sure everyone knows it and therefore what a "lovely" person she is. To be fair she's always been nice to me but she does seem fake.

GetTheFlockOutOfHere · 27/11/2021 15:04

@TwilightSkies

I see straight through people like that. And they can tell I can, and therefore don’t like me because I don’t play along.

I am the same as you.

GetTheFlockOutOfHere · 27/11/2021 15:05

@Coffeetree

I think there's a difference between a naturally charismatic person and someone who "strategically lovebombs* as someone put it so well above.

Agree.

GetTheFlockOutOfHere · 27/11/2021 15:06

@NdujaWannaDance

Actually MN has/had a prime example...

Just one?

I can think of a few over the years.

I was just about to post this. There seems to be/have been several posters on mumsnet who some people seem to worship and fawn over, although one of them seems to have fallen MASSVELY out of favour just lately, as people are finally starting to see them for what they are. And they have been royally lambasted on another very prolific forum.

I do know the type of person you mean in real life @QualityChecked However, don't be fooled into thinking everyone LOVES them. They are disliked by more people than you realise.

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