I hate euphemisms for death

[Pebbles16]

I've had a very recent bereavement which is obviously quite hard but I am raging at the amount of people telling me that "dead" is an unacceptable word.
"Passing" and "lost" make other people feel happier. I didn't "lose" this person (it implies I may find them); "pass" is not so bad as it implies moving on, but - as someone who does not particularly believe a place to pass onto - makes it feel disingenuous.
I get that the concept of death makes people feel uncomfortable but why do they insist I am inappropriate in using the word (these are not people who are closer to the person who has died, obviously I would respect nearest and dearest terminology)

"Promoted to glory"

Sorry for your loss, Pebbles

I'm sorry for your loss. Through personal experience I feel its really important to use the language of death. Especially as a parent to kids whose other parent had died.

Absolutely agree with you.

And I'm so sorry someone you cared about has died. It's brutal, I know.

I hope you have good support around you.

Sorry for your bereavement 💐

FWIW I agree with you re loss & pass. Loss always makes me want to say, 'I never lose my car keys, let alone my Dad & I can't exactly go & find him'.🤬

Pass,passing etc. No he didn't 'pass' he died.

I can't say 'He's dead' either though, it's just too much fir me (I don't know why??) so I stick to 'my Dad died..'

Don't let anyone tell you what words you can or can't use. 💐

Sorry pebbles but I do not get why you cannot say a person has died, it is a factual statement.

Sorry for you loss OP.

I got reprimanded when my mum died for using such "abrupt" language. I said "my mum is dead" on a group chat....

The reason being is using frilly language meant people didn't get it (when I told my MIL my mum was already gone when I got to the house, she thought I meant she'd been taken to hospital. And when I told my aunt my mum had collapsed, stopped breathing and had to have CPR performed on her my aunt said "where is she now? In the hospital?)

Dead leaves no ambiguity!!!

I agree with you. If you are the bereaved person you can use whatever words you want to. Quite rude of others to criticise.

Thank you @Craftygin. That made me laugh. The person was indeed glorious!

I agree, they have not been lost, they were not left behind somewhere, they are not sleeping, they will not wake up, they have not moved on to somewhere else, they are not in a better place, they are dead.

@Mum2jenny that's what I want to say ( and do) but various other people think that's a bit too harsh and final... errr.. she is not likely to come back:
it is harsh to those of us who loved her and also, rather final.

I'm with you; the obvious evasion and weirdness in "passed" just makes me very uncomfortable, and IME it's used for the comfort of non-bereaved people rather than those who have actually had a loved one die. I would respect it absolutely if a bereaved person preferred to say "passed" or "lost", but I feel it can be a little gift to show yourself comfortable with saying "died" and "death" to a person confronting exactly that. And I do feel it's particularly important with DC; I've spent a lot of time helping mine understand the concept of death, and although thankfully that hasn't struck close to them yet, I don't want anyone muddying the waters for them with floaty language about "passing on".

Pebbles16 I do tend to say what I think, and it’s not always appropriate. Sorry if I’ve offended anyone.

Here here! DDad died last year and I've had plenty of shocked looks when I say that 'Dad died' rather than 'passed away' / 'isn't with us anymore' or any other seemingly more socially-acceptable euphemism.
We say it like it is in our house, hence why my youngest DS refers to him as 'dead Grandad' when he talks about him now

I also say dead/died.

Death isn’t pretty or easy for the deceased or for us grieving and I sure as shit don’t have the energy to sugar coat it.

I’m the same, but I will take the lead from the bereaved person if they prefer to use a euphemism.

On the other hand I used to work with someone who couldn’t bring themselves to say dead/died, but we worked in end-of-life care at the time and had to write policy documents where clarity on, eg, the legal status of death was required. He really struggled with it, I think it was due to a religious upbringing.

I agree with you. I talk about my late DH quite openly as it helps me to deal with my grief, and I say "he died" or "he is dead", and refer to his death rather than his passing away. That's the correct term, I'm not offended by it and it's my bereavement so I would rather people not use euphemisms. I have noticed though that people get really uncomfortable with it. If someone asks if I'm married or where DH is (someone who knew him but didn't know he had died asked me if we had fallen out because they hadn't seen us together for a while!) I will say that he is dead, but then people tend to wince or become embarrassed. I think it's because death is still fairly taboo.

I don't care what people say.
Passed away/ lost/ died/dead.
It's the same thing.

Yup, completely agree. If I'm asked 'When did your husband pass away' I reply 'He died on....' A surprising number of people look embarrassed and uncomfortable. Really don't know why.

Worst is 'passed over'. Sounds like a dirigible.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I agree completely. Died, it's a simple word and covers the situation with finality, just as it should do. No matter how much someone tried to coat it in less final words.

I agree, I especially hate passed away or even worse just 'passed' (what, passed wind?). I don't mind 'lost' so much, as for me I have lost my mother, she is no longer with me and I feel that loss.
What is slightly more awkward is when something about parents comes up in conversation with people who don't know, and it sounds quite shocking to say ' both my parents are dead'. I sometimes say 'neither of my parents are alive any more'.
But when talking about what actually happened, I definitely says e.g. 'that was the year that my mum died.'

"Passed" makes me want to warmly congratulate the relative while I wonder which exam.

Everyone's different. I'm in a hospice now as my dad is slowly reaching his final hours. I have no problem with the words 'dead' or 'died' but equally I may say that I have lost him - because I will feel this loss greatly (...as opposed to carelessly misplacing him).

My feeling is that bereaved people should use whatever language feels comfortable to them, while respecting the feelings of other people affected by the death. I completely understand that other people may avoid blunt wording when talking to me about my dad's death and I'll appreciate that they are trying to be kind.

You are so right. If someone says "he passed", it just makes me think "passed what? Exam? Driving test?"
I may have been told incorrectly, but I was once told that trainee vicars are always told to avoid euphemisms, for all the reasons mentioned above.
I just don't understand why we can't use the entirely appropriate & unambiguous words that already exist.

@Bideshi oh that made me laugh too. I can see her on the airship.
I am obviously very sad that DSS died but she had such a sense of humour that sustained her through really tough times.
Interesting to hear from bereaved parents because my BIL is with me and adamant about communicating to their DC that Mum has gone and cannot come back because it gives them so many confusing messages.