I hate euphemisms for death

[Pebbles16]

I've had a very recent bereavement which is obviously quite hard but I am raging at the amount of people telling me that "dead" is an unacceptable word.
"Passing" and "lost" make other people feel happier. I didn't "lose" this person (it implies I may find them); "pass" is not so bad as it implies moving on, but - as someone who does not particularly believe a place to pass onto - makes it feel disingenuous.
I get that the concept of death makes people feel uncomfortable but why do they insist I am inappropriate in using the word (these are not people who are closer to the person who has died, obviously I would respect nearest and dearest terminology)

I have never thought that saying dead or died meant the dead person couldn’t be thought of as going to heaven if that is one’s belief.

For example: Jesus died on the cross, rose on the third day, and ascended into heaven.

The falling asleep makes some sense in a Christian context. There are a number of bible verses that use the phrase falling asleep for death and a miracle where Jesus says of a girl that has died that she is asleep and then she does “wake up”

My OH died last year and I talk about him a lot with people, which hopefully makes it easier for them as they realise that I am happy for his name to be mentioned.

I always say he has died - to everyone, children, GC - it is clear and easy for the GC to grasp that he is not coming back.

I hate the euphemisms - for me it degrades the gravity of what has happened.

@chaosrabbitland

my beliefs are mine and i dont force them on anybody . if you choose to believe in an empty nothinginess thats down to you ' its very much your problem if you feel judged by it . just as its mine if people choose to dismiss my views as laughable . i dont have to respect your views or anybody else's for that matter . and that goes for any subject . what i think about peoples views are my own thoughts .i am polite enough not to tell people i think they are deluded .but in still entitled to bloody well think it im afraid !

Yes as I said you are entitled to think what you want.

What you have NO right to do is what you then did, saying you pitied people who told their children differing views to yours AND then called those of us who do not believe the same as you, I quote "poor deluded fools"

So considering you have just called a load of people on here, who hsve opened up about their bereavements " poor deluded fools" then I hardly think that you can then state "I am polite enough to not tell people I think they are deluded" - when you've done just that.

Again, you are a VERY disrespectful person.

I don't use those terms myself, but I don't "hate " them. If other people feel more comfortable saying those terms, that's OK with me.

@ScrollingLeaves

I have never thought that saying dead or died meant the dead person couldn’t be thought of as going to heaven if that is one’s belief.

For example: Jesus died on the cross, rose on the third day, and ascended into heaven.

Yes, quite so.

Whereas 'passed' has a decidedly religious implication, of 'passing to the next life', so it's really quite presumptuous of people to use it as a bland euphemism.

I don't find it bland.
It's not a "matter of fact" competition.
I'm sure everyone who is bereaved feels the loss as keenly as the next person.

for all of you on here who have suffered a recent bereavement. I hope my previous comment wasn't offensive, I was just trying to be light hearted (probably a little insensitive, thinking about it now, so I am sorry if I upset anyone) x

I usually say died, dead etc. When I refer to my Dad (who died last March).

Euphemisms for it do not bother me at all either. I find them inoffensive, and people are just trying to be kind in a far from comfortable situation.

Passed away is fine by me, though I don't tend to use it. Loss/lost are perfectly OK too. They are factual. We did lose him. He is lost to us because he can no longer be here with us.

Personal taste, I suppose. I don't see the issue though.

I say whatever I feel up to saying on the day.
It can vary, but the pain never varies.

@Fetchthevet

for all of you on here who have suffered a recent bereavement. I hope my previous comment wasn't offensive, I was just trying to be light hearted (probably a little insensitive, thinking about it now, so I am sorry if I upset anyone) x

Well I thought it was hilarious 😂😂

Then again, I'm half Irish and the Irish tend to have what I consider to be a 'healthy' attitude towards death.

But regarding the OP, anyone suffering a bereavement should be allowed to talk about it in whichever way they wish.

It's perfectly ok to hate euphemisms or the word 'death', but what is not ok, is to police other people's language.

My reading of the OP was that she was specifically upset at
'the amount of people telling me that "dead" is an unacceptable word. ' . The issue is people saying to her that only euphemisms are acceptable.

@ErrolTheDragon

My reading of the OP was that she was specifically upset at 'the amount of people telling me that "dead" is an unacceptable word. ' . The issue is people saying to her that only euphemisms are acceptable.

Yes, that's so strange.

If you're reading this OP, were all these people together at the same time so there was some sort of general consensus?

That would make more sense (although it would still be very wrong of them).

I work in healthcare and frequently ring care homes to enquire about residents. I have often been told "they are no longer with us" I ask " oh right, which care home have they moved to?" "No, i mean they have died". Why not say that in the first place??
Drs, paramedics etc are trained to say the words died or dead to avoid confusion and to ensure families etc fully understand the situation, although I understand it is never an easy conversation to have.

I use the words death and died for my own bereavements. But it's not for me to dictate the word used for someone else's.

I am very aware that those of us who use the d words are in the minority. So when someone I know has a bereavement, I use what I know about them, their upbringing and their personality to work out what wording I should use. In general I prefer to wait and mirror what words they use themselves, but it's not always possible.

Someone else's friend or relative dying is not the moment for me to prioritise my own feelings about the use of language. My focus should be on comforting them, not satisfying my own thoughts on language.

I'm sorry for your loss, Pebbles16.

For myself I can't be doing with the euphemisms for death, though never say so those who use them.

But the very idea of others censoring your expression of your loss! Entirely out of order.

[quote DraggedUpnotBroughtUp]@chaosrabbitland but that is your opinion. It's not a fact.

I do not believe in an after life. You do. Allow your kids to make up their own minds.[/quote]
yes it is my opinion and its also i a faith i have , no one knows what happens when we die or if we actually die or go on to an afterlife , but thats the thing about having faith , even if its a spiritual belief , its a belief ,, it may not be a fact , neither is the your belief that we just snuff it and decay ceasing to exist as if we never were , theres quite a wealth of stuff to prove that actually we do go on in spirit form ,but then those who only belive in death dissmiss that as nonsense which is down to them .

im sure when my 13 year old is actually an adult im sure she will make up her own mind , but i really cant understand the notion of parents what dont have any belief in an afterlife imparting it to young children who ask about death and what it means , mummy what happens when we die ? well nothing im afraid you just cease to exist , i mean how terrifying is that to a young 6 or 7 year old , even if i didnt have faith im not sure id want to frighten my child with that !

as for all the comments about iv been insensitive on here , well im sure people scoff at mine , i really dont care iv got my faith in what i belive , and yes i do judge those who dont in a pitying kinda way , but imparting that to a bunch of randoms on an annoymous forum on the internet is not quite the same as people that i meet in person in my life who were to disscuss it with me

@chaosrabbitland every internet random is a real person with real feelings. And you are a deeply unpleasant person.

@chaosrabbitland it's also interesting to see that the person on this thread with the apparent "faith" is also the least understanding and least compassionate towards other people. I'm happy to be of no faith if having one makes you have so little connection and kindness towards others.

Totally agree with you OP -can’t stand it and ‘passing’ is the worst.

@ParkheadParadise

I don't care what people say. Passed away/ lost/ died/dead. It's the same thing.

@ParkheadParadise It's not though is it. I've not lost my mum, I know where she is 🙄. She's not passed by me, she has died.

@Pebbles16 they are talking about this on the Fortunately podcast this week

I totally agree with you. Death / died shouldn’t be a dirty word.

This issue also upset my mother when my Grandmother died.

I use the term dead...because they are. I hate passed or lost. If the bereaved use those terms, I would just say " I'm sorry about Jack"....something vague and inoffensive.
My mother died when I was early 20s, 40 years ago so I've had decades of saying she's dead.
As for summerland 😀😀

It's not that death is a dirty word.
Different terms for the same thing.
Have sex.
Screw.
Fuck.
Make love.
Shag.
They're all valid, all used, and all toss all to do with anyone else.