One kid it’s a hobby, and two children is parenting

[nov202]

From an article about Meghan Markle’s recent appearance on Ellen:

The duchess told chat show host Ellen DeGeneres that “Someone told H (Harry) and I that when you have one kid it’s a hobby, and two children is parenting.

I was a bit taken aback by this comment. I have one child and very much consider myself to be myself a parent, not a hobbyist.

www.irishexaminer.com/lifestyle/people/arid-40747842.html

I'm not taking it that deeply tbh, I sort of agree with the sentiment 🤷🏼‍♀️

@PlanktonsComputerWife

Feels like a hobby to me. Expensive, all-consuming, and I am forever picking up tiny bits of plastic and metal and wondering what the fuck that fell off.

@PlanktonsComputerWife

🤣
and you never have enough space to store necessary paraphernalia, never enough time to complete the projects you want, forever need new supplies...

I’ve only heard this once in my entire life - and that was actually from a mum of one!

She's unbearable.

Total and utter bollocks.

@starrynight21

I'm sure it seems like a hobby when you live in a mansion full of staff and have millions at your disposal . For the rest of us, the "hobby" is full time work .

Indeed. Never mind if your child is disabled or has SEN or MH issues.

Classic arrogance, entitlement, failure to understand the lives of others which I would expect from MM. Even though she is supposed to be so woke and so aware of others and so fucking empathetic.

With 1 child I felt like we were a couple with a child. Now we have more the dynamic does feel different and more committed to that “family” lifestyle. I can’t explain it well but it did/does feel different. I think perhaps because DS1 fit in with our life style so well it didn’t feel overwhelming. Ds2 came along and is a total whirlwind

@BurntO

With 1 child I felt like we were a couple with a child. Now we have more the dynamic does feel different and more committed to that “family” lifestyle. I can’t explain it well but it did/does feel different. I think perhaps because DS1 fit in with our life style so well it didn’t feel overwhelming. Ds2 came along and is a total whirlwind

But that’s ridiculous. Families with one child aren’t as “committed to the family lifestyle”? What does that even mean? I don’t understand why with one child you’d feel like a couple with a child, but with two you wouldn’t feel like a couple with two children?

I would also see my 1 child as a hobby if I had staff to look after her and deal with the not so fun parts. I like M+H but they are so very out of touch

Not gonna lie, I've said similar. Basically my first was a piece of piss, literally felt like my life didn't change at all and I just had this really cute thing that I loved and loved me back to take everywhere with me. 2 , well then I got the tiredness etc and it did feel like I was parenting a lot more than just hanging with my little shadow. depends on how good your first is I guess. I don't think anything malicious was intended by the comment

She's an absolute idiot. Best ignored.

@SickAndTiredAgain how is my experience as a parent ridiculous I didn’t comment on anyone else’s experiences with this or say anyone else wasn’t committed if they only had 1 child. FOR ME, life with only 1 life was easy, they just slotted in with us as a couple and family activities were easy as we just let DS lead us somewhat and it was all very care free.

When there is 2+ I feel like I am constantly being pulled in different directions and it feels like a really juggle, practically. Things that with 1 child that seemed straight forward can feel like a chore now. Me and OH end up “split” at times with one of us focusing on one child and the other with the another child. This is all fine and to be expected with more than 1 child but it heavily changed the dynamic in my family unit. Just my experience.

I’ve had a friend say as much to me. And I’m friends with a couple who have a teenage only child and they do have a ‘couple with a child’ vibe in that the child goes everywhere with them, even when very young, like concerts, restaurants etc - which would be challenging logistically with more than one. It’s definitely a different dynamic to friends with multiples who spend their weekends on the side of a football pitch or ferrying between activities.

Whilst MM probably has nannies etc I don’t think many people would swap places with her, facing so much scrutiny and constantly worrying about your kid’s safety from all the nutters out there can’t make it easy. It’s just a different set of challenges to the norm

I'm glad she left this godforsaken place. Nothing she ever said or did was good enough and she's still being criticised. Any thread about her on Mumsnet invariably brings out those who can't for whatever reason put their finger on why they dislike her but they just do.

Well you clearly haven’t been reading all the mainly threads on the subject then. Plenty of reasons.

Parenting is parenting whether it's one or seven. They are a source of worry.

I have one and It certainly feels like a marvellous hobby to me, we have lots of money and lots of time to whatever we wish, whether it be a child activity or an adult activity. Life feels perfectly balanced, the whole household is happy! I wouldn’t dream of having anymore

“I don’t understand why with one child you’d feel like a couple with a child, but with two you wouldn’t feel like a couple with two children?”

For me the difference is that two (or more) just become a bit more consuming. Their needs often compete so we find ourselves splitting eg. Saturday mornings one parent takes one child to activities and the other takes the other one. When there was just one, we could alternate and have some child free time. With multiple children, there is more chance of sickness or disturbed nights etc. 1 child might be easier to get a babysitter/odd sleepover etc.

I am sure having 2 children is harder but that doesn't mean that those of us who have one are not parenting. When I think of everything I do for my daughter I think that is really insulting to say it's not parenting and just a hobby. I am an only child myself and am very grateful for my parents. Were they not parenting either?
But that's just typical, thoughtless, arrogant Meghan who thinks of no one but herself.

Haven't seen the interview (and not especially interested), but it sounds as if she was commenting on something someone said to her, rather than repeating it as gospel?

It's a crass way of expressing the fact that for most people, going from 1 child to 2 is a big step up in terms of how much hard work the day to day parenting is, especially if you have a smallish age gap. I think it's a poor way of wording what I think is a fairly common experience for people who have more than one child though.

We went on a holiday when our 3 kids were all under 3. There were four holiday cottages in a little complex and four families with preschoolers, including us. The families with one child seemed (and said) they were basically having a version of the holiday they would have had pre-kids, with their child. The family with two kids, and us, were having a totally child-dominated holiday. I think that's the kind of thing the saying is meant to convey (and yes, I know that's a small sample of people who can afford to go to toddler-friendly gites in France!).

It’s just a throwaway remark.

It’s the kind of thing people who don’t have a lot of empathy or life experience say about lots of aspects of parenting - didn’t know what hard work was until I was a parent, didn’t know what it was to be tired until I was a parent etc. it’s the kind of thing people with pretty soft lives do - universalize their experience, because they don’t have the wider knowledge to appreciate that their individual experience is not everybody’s.

The thing is she’s obviously trying desperately to be relatable and make out she’s just one of us. It fails completely with a remark like this. One child is never a ‘hobby’ unless you have lots of money and staff to take the burden off you.

How can one ever be a ‘hobby’?

I do remember parents of 3 saying 3 is twice the work of two, though. Which probably put me off going for a third, despite a very broody stage.

Haven't seen the interview (and not especially interested), but it sounds as if she was commenting on something someone said to her, rather than repeating it as gospel?

Yes and even from the tiny amount of transcript reported its plain that these were not her words and the headline is deliberately misleading.

"You don't know how easy you have it until the second one comes along" is commonly quoted at parents expecting the second, its hardly a surprising topic for someone in the first year of having a second.

The fact that simply quoting such a commonplace comment is turned into another negative story about them says more about the reporting media than the Sussexes.

@MimiDaisy11

I think people are taking a tongue-in-cheek phrase far too seriously. I think it’s just because of who said it. Obviously she doesn’t think literally think it’s a hobby to have one child.

People know that but take any opportunity to have a swipe at MM. It just makes pps look a bit thick tbh.