One kid it’s a hobby, and two children is parenting

[nov202]

From an article about Meghan Markle’s recent appearance on Ellen:

The duchess told chat show host Ellen DeGeneres that “Someone told H (Harry) and I that when you have one kid it’s a hobby, and two children is parenting.

I was a bit taken aback by this comment. I have one child and very much consider myself to be myself a parent, not a hobbyist.

www.irishexaminer.com/lifestyle/people/arid-40747842.html

@Werehamster

I think parenting isn't a competition. People don't need to say something so insensitive.

I have 3 kids and a friend told me that 3 kids was much easier than just having one. Where do people come up with this shit? 🙄

Haha omg I had only one 1 child for 4.5 years and then had 2 more children in close succession. 3 is far harder than 1 with 1 child I got breaks etc with 3 it’s relentless.

However for multi millionaires who have cleaners, babies, cooks etc I suppose a child is a hobby as they pick and choose when they spend time with the.

And that saying @ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba is awful too

1= hard work
2= more hard work
3 = even more hard work plus a new car

@BalloonSlayer

If anyone but Meghan had said this there would have been a lighthearted debate. I wouldn't have used the word hobby but it's certainly true that when you have had your first baby you could, say, attend a meal in a restaurant with family or friends, with your newborn in a car seat next to the table. If they wake, cry or need feeding there are two of you to deal with it. By the time your second has arrived and is the same age, there is absolutely no chance of you being able to attend a similar event with a newborn and a toddler.

In the first example you were a couple with a baby, by the second you are Parents. Capital P intentional.

That’s an even more stupid comment.

If anyone but Meghan had said this there would have been a lighthearted debate

I disagree. I don't doubt there are people waiting for any opportunity to attack M but there are others like me, who would have been affronted by that expression whoever said it. It's akin to suggesting a woman is not a real woman until she's had a baby. There are other ways she could have expressed the changes that a second baby brings to the family, without being dismissive of other parents.

Do you all get this upset when other comedians make jokes about parenting? Like Michael McIntyre?
She was on Ellen, not exactly 60 minutes! And she said someone told her that. My goodness so many MM haters on here.

In the first example you were a couple with a baby, by the second you are Parents. Capital P intentional.

Right - so DH and I are a ‘couple with a child’ rather than parents because we are choosing to stick with one?

In the first example you were a couple with a baby, by the second you are Parents. Capital P intentional

When the baby grows up, are the parents “Parents” then? Or just a couple with a toddler/child/teenager?

4 children are a hobby if you have a team of nanny's, housekeepers, home staff, drivers etc.

pinkgin85 there are often threads on here about 'jokes' that people find insensitive or offensive.

The big difference for me, is that Meghan has publicly committed to global change by "leading the way with compassion"

@LublinToDublin

if one is one and two is twenty what is seven?🤣

Do you all get this upset when other comedians make jokes about parenting?

It depends on whether they are actually funny.

And whether the people on the butt of it are a suitable group to be mocked. Those who are one-child are a disparate group. It might be fine for some, but it's pretty damned insensitive for those who are in that position involuntarily, especially if that reason is bereavement.

Most comedians also are not champions on MH causes, nor concerned about the need to ask new mothers (including those of one child) if they are OK

Oh god, here you lot go.

If I lived in a $14 million mansion with a fleet of staff, nanny, chef, personal assistants etc then I would totally regard everything as a hobby.

Wouldn't all dc be a hobby if you have options as to how many minutes a day you'd actually be caring for them?

It's a clumsy answer to a question about her eldest being a big brother.

"He loves being a big brother. I think it's just, you know, everyone tells you, actually someone told the t...someone told H and I that when you have one kid it’s a hobby, and two children is parenting. Suddenly we realised, ‘oh right’. Everyone talks about what it’s like for the second child, but no one talks about the adjustment for the first child when the second one comes along.

I think they have that moment of, ‘oh, this is fun, oh, this is how it is now’."

In context, Meghan is agreeing with the quote. I reckon she misquoted the '1 child makes you a parent, 2 makes you a referee' quote but I could be wrong.

It's only something an exceptionally privileged person would think.

Whoever told her having one child is a hobby sounds like someone to avoid.

It's kind of true though. You just don't realise it when you only have 1. That doesn't mean there aren't difficult bits but it much less relentless and you don't need to divide your attention. Also, when number 2 comes along, it often coincides with when number one becomes a child rather than a baby so there is call for actual parenting rather than just caring for a baby. If I knew then what I know now I think I would have spent most of my first maternity leave going abroad with the baby and other mums! Rather than spending all my money on sing and sign and water babies! It's also like when you have a third child for example. At first you don't have 3 children you have 2 children and a baby!

Re the poster above who said that’s it’s kind of true: that may be your lived experience but it wasn’t mine. One was relentless and took me to breaking point. I genuinely thought I’d ruined my life.

And for the previous poster who said you’re not Parenting with a capital P if you just have one I am actually speechless with how rude and insensitive that comment is. Believe me when my husband was out working 12-14 hours a day and I was lonely as fuck on my own 6 days a week with a screaming baby with colic I was most definitely parenting. With a capital P.

By two I was way calmer, knew what I was doing and had a network surrounding me so life was about a million times easier.

Feels like a hobby to me. Expensive, all-consuming, and I am forever picking up tiny bits of plastic and metal and wondering what the fuck that fell off.

You're a parent whether you've got 1 child or 30. It's a description of a relationship. I'd say parenting my dd is a joy. It's lovely having one!

much less relentless

I think that very much depends on the child. My only was and still can be a little tornado of activity and when it's just you and them at home, you are the playmate, I would call that pretty relentless.

Well its bullshit isn't it? But society thrives on judging mothers and pitting us against each other. Twas ever thus.

1 child makes you a parent, 2 makes you a referee

Now that would have been a mildly amusing quote for her to have brought up to explain how she’s feeling going from 1 to 2 children that didn’t involve suggesting parents of 1 child aren’t really parents at all.

If an anonymous mumsnetter wrote

‘AIBU to think one child is a hobby but two is parenting?’

They would be torn to shreds and I expect the YABU % would be around 98%!

I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard anyone describe the jump from 1-2 this way, even on Mumsnet. I’ve heard how hard the jump is in other ways and I’ve no doubt about it. I have one child that I’ve found incredibly difficult due to his severe disability and I’m quite afraid how much harder having a second child would be that I’m still unsure what to do nearly 5 years down the line. I don’t want to be a parent of two looking back wishing I had just stuck with one. So I don’t have any issue with people talking about how hard having two is when I only have one because I can see it.

But it just shows how utterly privileged she is but how unaware she seems to be of it. If she had talked about how she felt having a second baby with a 2 year old or how hard the change has been in other ways then I think a lot of parents would relate to that. But she specifically chose to repeat the words from her ‘friend’ that one is a ‘hobby’ and two is ‘parenting’. I would bet my life that my one child ‘hobby’ is much harder than her two child ‘parenting’ when she has immense wealth, paid help, children with no disabilities. She’s so out of touch it’s ridiculous.