One kid it’s a hobby, and two children is parenting

[nov202]

From an article about Meghan Markle’s recent appearance on Ellen:

The duchess told chat show host Ellen DeGeneres that “Someone told H (Harry) and I that when you have one kid it’s a hobby, and two children is parenting.

I was a bit taken aback by this comment. I have one child and very much consider myself to be myself a parent, not a hobbyist.

www.irishexaminer.com/lifestyle/people/arid-40747842.html

If having two children is so hard, have one.

Some things should be left unsaid. Having the emotional intelligence of a brick plays really doesn’t help.

It's just a saying. The one I was told just after DD2 arrived was "one is one, two is twenty". They're just phrases for how parenting gets tougher every time you add more needs to be balanced.

I think people are taking a tongue-in-cheek phrase far too seriously. I think it’s just because of who said it. Obviously she doesn’t think literally think it’s a hobby to have one child.

She could have phrased it much better and said that she had personally found having two much harder. I agree with her in the early years but I am now finding the benefit of two playing together etc but the juggling is still hard.

I normally agree with @MindyStClaire on everything so I’m surprised this time I don’t.

One is one, two is twenty, isn’t flippant about one. Saying one is a hobby suggests a casual and careless approach and attitude which is why it’s not gone down well.

I think she could have said 'one is a lot easier than two' and got her point across without making herself out to be an utter twat.

@MimiDaisy11

I think people are taking a tongue-in-cheek phrase far too seriously. I think it’s just because of who said it. Obviously she doesn’t think literally think it’s a hobby to have one child.

Yup

@Puttingthekettleon

If having two children is so hard, have one.

Once you've had enough children to realise two is hard, you're sort of stuck and cant go back to just one...

indeed but it doesn’t really take a rocket scientist to realise that having two children is more work than one.

It is a bit like observing that a full time job is more hours than a part time one.

you don’t say, as they say …

I'm a single parent with an only and it is very easy and fun now we've got through the baby stage.

Having two would definitely be hard work.

A hobby you can do when you want to for as long as you want to.

So parents of one child, I'd not bother doing your hobby today , tomorrow fits better so I'd just leave them and get them out tomorrow for a bit !!!

It's a daft thing to say but then she does have form for saying daft things.

@mellongoose I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter x

@MeanMrMustardSeed

Such a smug and crass thing to say.

Yes this 100%. My oldest was an only for 5 years and I don’t feel more of a parent now. Lots of people have one by choice and lots of people struggle to have more than one and they are no less parenting than someone with 6 kids. I didn’t really have an opinion on MM but her saying that makes me think she is thick and insensitive.

But the bit you’ve quoted says ‘someone told…’ so Meghan is proclaiming this as her own truth, she’s sharing what another person told her?
Coming up with it herself would be ‘I think…’

Surely it depends on many different factors.
My first was a very easy dc. He slept and ate and was happy to be put on the floor to play.
No. 2 so different. Completely knocked any smugness out of me.
If I’d had no.2 first my memories of parenting would have been that it was much harder.

@Ohshitiveturnedintomymother

But the bit you’ve quoted says ‘someone told…’ so Meghan is proclaiming this as her own truth, she’s sharing what another person told her? Coming up with it herself would be ‘I think…’

But she didn’t have to say this out loud thus endorsing and perpetuating that ridiculous phrase 🤷🏻‍♀️

Eh, I imagine that’s true if you’ve got tons of money and help.

I’ve got just the one, but I’m a single parent with no family nearby and his dad only sees him for 5 hours a week. I certainly wouldn’t consider all day every day spent with my 1 year old a “hobby” , but I’m sure it would be harder if I had two.

How rude.
Having said that I found two more than double the work.

Given that Harry has already said that more than two is bad for the environment. It does smack a bit of saying 'I've got the perfect family, and those who don't have two chikdren are doubt it wrong'

But I don't have only two DC. Perhaps it comes across differentlymto those who have never needed to make the shift from player-to-player marking to area defence

She decided the quotation was worth sharing, so I don't see any reason to doubt it's her view.

She didn't quote it to disagree with it, did she?

@Ohshitiveturnedintomymother

But the bit you’ve quoted says ‘someone told…’ so Meghan is proclaiming this as her own truth, she’s sharing what another person told her? Coming up with it herself would be ‘I think…’

If you watch the interview, it’s clear she’s telling it in a way she agrees with, not “someone told me this but I think it’s rubbish.”

I think it’s a fairly silly comment, said without the intention of offending but does come across a little tone deaf.
It’s like parents saying to child free people “you think you’re tired, hahaha you have no idea what tiredness is”
A two child parent equivalent is “you think you’re parenting? Hahaha just wait until you have two”
They’re both irritating and condescending but I doubt Meghan meant to be either. Not least because she is her mother’s only child, isn’t she?

@starrynight21

I'm sure it seems like a hobby when you live in a mansion full of staff and have millions at your disposal . For the rest of us, the "hobby" is full time work .

This. Exactly.

And going from zero to one was an absolute shock. And did not feel like a hobby. More like I’d ruined my life!

Whereas going from one to two and then three felt like a walk in the park in comparison.

A really insensitive comment - lots of people suffer from secondary infertility and may well feel inadequate and like a failure for ‘only’ having one and someone high profile who has publicly had mental health issues should know better to be honest.

Perhaps they're having to do more parenting because they've sacked so many nannies.

Both Meghan and Harry are very good at making statements that they believe are very profound but in reality just highlight how far away they are from normal life.

I mean one is easier than two there’s absolutely no denying that, but a hobby isn’t quite what I would describe it.

Unless it’s that hobby your mum forces you to go to weekly with her mate’s kid who secretly bullies you. I remember it feeling a bit like that sometimes.