One kid it’s a hobby, and two children is parenting

[nov202]

From an article about Meghan Markle’s recent appearance on Ellen:

The duchess told chat show host Ellen DeGeneres that “Someone told H (Harry) and I that when you have one kid it’s a hobby, and two children is parenting.

I was a bit taken aback by this comment. I have one child and very much consider myself to be myself a parent, not a hobbyist.

www.irishexaminer.com/lifestyle/people/arid-40747842.html

@MimiDaisy11

I think people are taking a tongue-in-cheek phrase far too seriously. I think it’s just because of who said it. Obviously she doesn’t think literally think it’s a hobby to have one child.

I think my issue is - and I actually have no issue with her at all - is that she has positioned herself as a supporter of people suffering from depression and other mental health issues and then says something really insensitive.

How much help did she get with her "hobby"? (Nannies - yes plural, cleaners, cooks etc).

So far removed from reality - the pair of them.

Just as well I have little interest in what that woman says. I did always feel sad my mother had 2 close together though, it felt like she didn't like me enough to spend time with me on my own and then my brother was a twat so she never did. I wish she'd enjoyed her hobby more I suppose.

I think my issue is - and I actually have no issue with her at all - is that she has positioned herself as a supporter of people suffering from depression and other mental health issues and then says something really insensitive

That point hadn't struck me, but I think you're right

I think my issue is - and I actually have no issue with her at all - is that she has positioned herself as a supporter of people suffering from depression and other mental health issues and then says something really insensitive.

Yes she has talked about postnatal depression and struggling to adjust to life as a mother - and if someone had turned around and said “just you wait till you have two, you’ve only got one child, this is just a hobby”? That would have been an incredibly insensitive and crass thing to say, and yet she’s just gone and laughed about an equivalent statement on TV.

I agree @EssexCat

2 children change everything after that the others don't feel as different.

She’s not even intelligent enough to know that it’s ‘Harry and me’ not ‘Harry and I’.

I’m not normally sensitive to phrases like this, but I do think this one is particularly crass and smug. “One is a hobby, two is a job” would be (trite but) better in my opinion.

I’m sure having 2 is harder in most situations. Like a pp said it’s probably so obvious it doesn’t need pointing out.

But including the word ‘parenting’ makes her phrase fairly insulting in a way that ‘One is one, two is twenty’ isn’t. Parenting isn’t a race to the bottom that you can only enter if you’re maxed out with stress and with no time to yourself. The fact that when my daughter goes on a playdate I’m alone for 2 hours doesn’t cancel out my parenting ffs.

I’m certainly not a Meghan hater, and I think she and Harry did the right thing in leaving the UK for their own well-being. But as the parent of one child, I found her comment incredibly crass and insensitive. A real smugness to it as if her family was now a “proper” family.

A really thoughtless comment. Unfortunately folk make them sometimes, but as somebody in the public eye, she has a greater responsibility to think before she speaks 🤦🏼‍♀️.
When people make comments about onlies they forget that some of the time, they were conceived after years of miscarriages/infertility/fertility treatment or that the parents have suffered the loss of a child. Not everyone who has one child chooses it (although many do of course -for all sorts of positive reasons). Years ago, this comment would have really upset me. My second baby died at a few weeks old then we went through years of fertility treatment to have a third. We were unlucky, and it was a horrific time, but we cherish what we have...

"Hobby" suggests a voluntary element that is just not there unless you are a very bad parent, or an exceedingly rich one.

I feel like I have two demanding part time jobs. The actual one and "the hobby".

It is dismissive.

Maybe it's a hobby when you have staff and millions in the bank. They are so out of touch it's unbelievable.

@Lindy2

Perhaps they're having to do more parenting because they've sacked so many nannies.

Both Meghan and Harry are very good at making statements that they believe are very profound but in reality just highlight how far away they are from normal life.

This 👆 They try oh so hard to sound intelligent, but they really need to stop trying.

Really awful thing to say. Another stupid rich person with no idea how the real world works.

And obviously two kids is more difficult, just from a demand perspective. But I actually thought zero to one was the hardest, it’s a complete lifestyle change.

It’s not a hobby to me but when you have millions, it’s easy to have a skewed perspective on the real world.

Yeah I heard this and cringed. I think it was meant light hearted/tongue in cheek, but still - unnecessary, untrue and a bit offensive

I'm not a MM fan in particular but surely it's just one of those things that people say?

She doesn't think for a minute that having a kid is an actual hobby. How ridiculous. It's obvious that she has it easier than most with all her staff and money but you could say that about lots and lots of people who are wealthy including some mumsnetters.

Any excuse to slag her off...

Nah I don’t agree with that at all. I found the jump from 0-1 kids huge, the jump from 1-2 absolutely fine but the jump from 2-3 was horrendous for me. Demanding number 3 with 2 others in play was really challenging but still 0-1 was the real jump of course it is.

I have two and definitely patented the first one the most! Second one is more likely to have to fit in IMO.

I would give her opinions too much weight- preaching save the planet from her private jet!

So when they had one child, more than one was a terrible blight on the environment.
Now they have two, one isn't really parenting.

@Puttingthekettleon

If having two children is so hard, have one.

I should have told my body this when it released two eggs instead of one then.

It was her other comment about no one thinks how the first child will feel when the second child comes along. "“Suddenly we realised, ‘oh right’, everyone talks about what it’s like for the second child, but no-one talks about the adjustment for the first child when the second one comes along." - or have I misunderstood the meaning? Everyone talks about how the first child deals with a new baby coming along. There are a million books about it. Or did she mean from the parents point of view?

Surely going from not being a parent to being a parent is the biggest leap and change in your life. Certainly not a hobby.

If you have siblings that get on, have similar interests and are easy going, it probably isn’t as hard as siblings who constantly fight, don’t like the same thing and have completely different personalities. If you have 2 that get on, they can entertain themselves more easily than possibly an only.

Someone said to me, one child fits around you but you fit around 2 children.

Not my experience of having one at all, at least at this age (3). DS is incredibly wilful and can make any activity/outing miserable if he's not fully onboard with it. So yes, theoretically we can make what him fit around us, but we'll inevitably feel his wrath for doing so

Like others have said, I imagine it's much easier when there's a raft of help available to take on some of the load. Apart from DS going to nursery while we both work full time, DH and I have no real family support so haven't had a single night away from him together since the day he was born. It's very hard work and I wouldn't risk having any more, as I imagine it'd be hell.