My almost 3 year old runs riot when we are out

[Hogu]

I find it really stressful, most fo the time I can put him in his pushchair or a trolley but on occasions like this morning that's not an option and he runs round the shop picking up everything, dropping it, hiding, running up and down aisles like a lunatic.

How do I discipline? 3 times this morning I took him outside and warned him that if he didn't stop them we would go straight home, it worked for around 2 minutes then he begins again.
The tuts and disapproving looks are almost as annoying as his behaviour!

He's excited but uncontrollable!

How do people manage this type of behaviour? I don't want to be a shouter even though I feel like it sometimes and I know bribing isn't right but I'm pretty lost what else to do... please help!!!!

Follow through! If you threaten with going home then you go home if he misbehaves. My youngest is the same age, if he won’t behave he gets strapped in the buggy!

Reins.

If you don’t follow through he knows you don’t mean it and can do what he likes because there will be no consequences.

If they can’t behave very nicely they hold my hand. Still the case and DSs are 9 and 5.

I have a friend who would follow through with her threats of going home if her kid didn't behave.
It did work after leaving a few times.

I used to avoid taking my Daughter for a proper shop when she was 2/3 because she was exactly the same. Now that she's 4, she is brilliant. Doesn't run off. Does touch the odd thing though.

Is there any way you could leave him with family to go shopping?

Never threaten anything you're not willing to follow through with. If you tell him you're going to take him home if he misbehaves and he continues misbehaving then you take him home. He then learns you mean what you say. At the moment he had no consequences for his actions.

Taking him home is only a realistic option if it's an activity he doesn't want to leave. He probably has absolutely no enjoyment shopping and wouldn't care about going home so don't threaten it if you will be losing out more than him!

Reins and always follow through a threat.

Does he understand that it's wrong to run off?

You hold their hand, use reins or take them home

Don’t threaten if you don’t follow through!

I had pushchair in ALL shops until ds could be trusted not to go awol

Does he want to be there? If you are the one who needs to buy things but he doesn’t care about being there or not, how does threatening to take him home make any difference? Also can’t see how holding hands is much of a threat if it just results in them screaming and dropping to the floor in protest (as would happen with my nearly 2yo) so you carry them out anyway. Either way you haven’t bought whatever it is you need urgently - because presumably you avoid being in this situation unless you have to be - and they don’t care about that.

At this age I would just assume they don’t have the impulse control and use reins or buggy as much as possible. And on the odd occasion you don’t have them with you you go quickly and carry him if necessary.

You take control, follow through with consequences, and leave if he doesn't settle down. He needs to know very clearly that that type of behaviour is unacceptable.

Did you take him home? Dont threaten what you wont do.
Did he actually want to go home? Mine hated shopping, and if they thought misbehaving would result in shopping being cut short, they would have been devil children!

You hold their hand, grab them when they run, dont let them touch stuff, and have a bribery of visiting the park/bakery/feed the ducks as soon as the boring stuff is finished. And they get told before you start what is expected, and what the prize is.

Reins and duct tape their hands to their sides? Well, maybe not the duct tape. . . I imagine that would get dark looks and tut tutting as well!

3 times this morning I took him outside and warned him that if he didn't stop them we would go straight home, it worked for around 2 minutes then he begins again

Well you've answered your own question here. The second time you took him outside showed him you didn't mean it the first time. The third time just confirmed it.

Don't threaten something you aren't prepared to follow through on.

The tuts and disapproving looks are almost as annoying as his behaviour!

You say that as though people don’t have a right to be disapproving of an out of control, destructive child. For his own safety, and that of fellow shoppers don’t let him loose in shops until he’s mature enough to walk nicely.

But you didn't take him home. He knows your threats are empty so he has no incentive to change his behaviour.

@pastabest

3 times this morning I took him outside and warned him that if he didn't stop them we would go straight home, it worked for around 2 minutes then he begins again

Well you've answered your own question here. The second time you took him outside showed him you didn't mean it the first time. The third time just confirmed it.

Don't threaten something you aren't prepared to follow through on.

Exactly. Your son may be three, but he's not stupid. He knows your threats don't mean a bloody thing.

Well threatening to take him home from shopping isn’t going to bother him is it?! At the park or a play date then yes - but you absolutely have to follow through! And one warning only.
At the shops it’s the buggy or strapped into trolley seat with reins.

How do I discipline? 3 times this morning I took him outside and warned him that if he didn't stop them we would go straight home, it worked for around 2 minutes then he begins again.

You've answered your own question really!
All you're teaching him is that you don't mean what you say and there are no consequences to ignoring you.

Those are dangerous lessons.
You need to follow through with immediate consequences, his behaviour is unsafe

He’s still really young, isn’t fully in control of his behaviour yet and I think you’re expecting a boy too much from him. I would personally take the stroller every single time. If he doesn’t walk nicely then he goes in it. I’d avoid threatening consequences like we’re going home because presumably it’s you that wants to be in the shop, not him, so you won’t want to follow through and you’d only be punishing yourself if you did. Instead I’d offer a reward afterwards for good behaviour like going to the playground.

@MissyB1

Well threatening to take him home from shopping isn’t going to bother him is it?! At the park or a play date then yes - but you absolutely have to follow through! And one warning only. At the shops it’s the buggy or strapped into trolley seat with reins.

Exactly

@LakeShoreD

He’s still really young, isn’t fully in control of his behaviour yet and I think you’re expecting a boy too much from him. I would personally take the stroller every single time. If he doesn’t walk nicely then he goes in it. I’d avoid threatening consequences like we’re going home because presumably it’s you that wants to be in the shop, not him, so you won’t want to follow through and you’d only be punishing yourself if you did. Instead I’d offer a reward afterwards for good behaviour like going to the playground.

This is my strategy

@BleuJay

Reins.

I was going to suggest this.

Reins or hold his hand! Any misbehaving, straight in the buggy.

No wonder you're getting disapproving looks!