My almost 3 year old runs riot when we are out

[Hogu]

I find it really stressful, most fo the time I can put him in his pushchair or a trolley but on occasions like this morning that's not an option and he runs round the shop picking up everything, dropping it, hiding, running up and down aisles like a lunatic.

How do I discipline? 3 times this morning I took him outside and warned him that if he didn't stop them we would go straight home, it worked for around 2 minutes then he begins again.
The tuts and disapproving looks are almost as annoying as his behaviour!

He's excited but uncontrollable!

How do people manage this type of behaviour? I don't want to be a shouter even though I feel like it sometimes and I know bribing isn't right but I'm pretty lost what else to do... please help!!!!

Why didn’t you take him home then? What’s the point of that threat?

He knows your threats are empty that’s why he continues to run wild.

Harness and reins,. John Lewis sell them.

I came on here with that exact question when my son was 3. I used to see children standing by their mum's while they browsed! Mine would run around, throw everything, pull displays over...

Nothing I did worked to be honest, he has always just had all of the energy in the world. My youngest would hold my hand and follow me about quietly, kids are different.

He grew out of it, pretty much, by 4. Now he'll walk about in relative peace

Reins and buggy. We used reins well past the age of three with twins, because tbh, I couldn’t keep them safe otherwise, let alone the annoyances!

Buggy if he will go in it.
Give him things to do if not too busy - like fetch a broccoli.
DO NOT try and do long things out of the house. Two house max before you’re home again.

I don’t think you need to punish. He’s 2. He doesn’t get it yet.

warned him that if he didn't stop them we would go straight home, it worked for around 2 minutes then he begins again
Of course he did, because he knows you don't mean a word of it 🤷🏻‍♀️
How many times did you issue this pointless warning?

Most children of that age don't like shops or shopping. It's normal behaviour for a 3 year old not to want to sit still/ stand quietly.
Do you really need to take him shopping?
I'd limit it to short trips that are enlivened each end by a walk ( through a park? to a bus stop/train station? ) And then something to do whilst in the shop, eg "can you find.. can you pass me.. " and keep them involved in conversation. Get deliveries where you can and just never take a toddler if you are just going for a browse. They find it so dull, no wonder they cry/run off.

Reins looped through your arm and hold his hand. And chat as you do the shopping with him.

I used to point into the distance and say 'oh look, there's xxx from nursery, don't let them see you acting like a baby' it worked almost every time!

3 times this morning I took him outside and warned him that if he didn't stop them we would go straight home, it worked for around 2 minutes then he begins again.

There's your problem. You don't follow through, so he has absolutely no incentive to listen to you.

If you're going to threaten a consequence, you need to be prepared to follow through with that consequence. So if going home isn't an option, don't pretend that it is.

DS2 was like this, Reins, are what you need, much less stressful.

I agree with others, don't make 'threats' if you're not going to follow up on them, it renders them pointless. I'd you say if you carry on doing x we are going home, then go home if he does it again. If it's something you have to do then perhaps something like we will have to have 5 minutes in the car and then try again, my DS got bored of that pretty quickly. If that doesn't work then the proviso needs to be strapped into pushchair or trolley, or reins (although they're a pain in shops). He is learning boundaries and absolutely knows he can push them with you by the sound of it.

I couldn’t have managed without reins

I feel your pain OP. I just have to use the buggy a lot more than I should with my two year old. As others have said a lot of times if you are running errands they don't want to be there anyway so you can't threaten to take them away. I've never found that reins work personally. I have three children and I've found with my older children the only thing that works is time. They DO grow out of it. Nothing worse than when your child is rolling around the floor somewhere and every other child of a similar age is happily holding their parents hand.

I echo what others have said.

For shopping give him a little shopping list with picture of things he needs to find on the way around, give him something to keep him busy and if the last thing is something he wants it’s a good incentive to behave too!

Absolutely pointless threatening going home.
Why would he even care and it doesnt solve the behaviour issue
What behaviour do you want?
For him not to run off and touch things?
Ok firstly he is 3 so keep shopping trips short if you dont have a buggy.
Then tell him what you want him to do or else he will need to hold your hand the entire time.
Then ask him to hold the bag of carrots for you.
If he runs off, remind him he has to stay with you .
Repeat.

Agree with making a list first and getting him involved.

@LakeShoreD

He’s still really young, isn’t fully in control of his behaviour yet and I think you’re expecting a boy too much from him. I would personally take the stroller every single time. If he doesn’t walk nicely then he goes in it. I’d avoid threatening consequences like we’re going home because presumably it’s you that wants to be in the shop, not him, so you won’t want to follow through and you’d only be punishing yourself if you did. Instead I’d offer a reward afterwards for good behaviour like going to the playground.

This. He sounds packed full of energy that he needs to burn off and probably views an outing to the shops where there is so much stimulation around him as about the same as an outing to the park. He is young and is still learning about different environments. Can you give him a chance to run about somewhere before the shops? so that he isn't so frustrated. Or take him to the toy shop for a bit or a cafe so that he's a bit calmer before you get to the actual shopping bit. And yes, always a reward afterwards for good behaviour. Good luck, this is a phase, he will grow out of it.

Another vote for don't threaten to take him home and then not follow through...

But to discipline him, understand that discipline means teach.

Tell him the expected behaviour. Eg. No running/no touching

If he does that behaviour explain if he does it again, he will go into buggy/hold hands/whatever. Remind him of the behaviour you want.

Praise any wanted behaviour. Ie. "You're walking so nicely, thank you"

If unwanted behaviour continues... Follow through with the consequence.

Try and avoid setting him up for trouble as well. So if you know he can't resist grabbing at the fruit and veg on the market... Keep him away/distract/put him in buggy before it could become an issue.

You've compounded your child's problematic behaviour by giving him an ultimatum which you then failed to carry through.

You have effectively taught him that your word cannot be trusted which in addition to encouraging him to continue acting up in future also, and more significantly, erodes his security in you as his carer & boundary setter.

Hold his hand for a start so he can’t go running off.

And if he misbehaves actually take him home !

Not to mention it’s disrespectful to others to let him stay and keep doing it. No wonder people were looking/tutting.

@Hodgehog

Not to mention it’s disrespectful to others to let him stay and keep doing it. No wonder people were looking/tutting.

Yes, this.

The tuts and disapproving looks are almost as annoying as his behaviour!.

What the hell do you expect?! You'll have been annoying those people far more than they were annoying you, believe me.

Largely avoided it tbh, until she was old enough that I could give her a little job like ticking vegetables off a list or something that kept her occupied, which was about 3.5. Online shopping was my friend in the meantime.

Shops always made mine go nuts when she was that age. I think it's sensory overload - lights, music, people, colours.

Thanks everyone, it's clear I'm bloody clueless with discipline so thanks for making me feel that even more! 🙈

It wasn't supermarket shopping, it was meeting my elderly relatives for a little look around & coffee type shopping so I didn't want to leave early (we were only there an hour anyway!) and they like to see my DS so didn't want to leave him with someone else.

Will order reins tonight and try toughen up a bit😳!

Don’t feel bad. We have all had bad days as parents where things just don’t work how you plan them to!