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Original poster

My almost 3 year old runs riot when we are out

125 replies

Hogu · 20/11/2021 16:16

I find it really stressful, most fo the time I can put him in his pushchair or a trolley but on occasions like this morning that's not an option and he runs round the shop picking up everything, dropping it, hiding, running up and down aisles like a lunatic.

How do I discipline? 3 times this morning I took him outside and warned him that if he didn't stop them we would go straight home, it worked for around 2 minutes then he begins again.
The tuts and disapproving looks are almost as annoying as his behaviour!

He's excited but uncontrollable!

How do people manage this type of behaviour? I don't want to be a shouter even though I feel like it sometimes and I know bribing isn't right but I'm pretty lost what else to do... please help!!!!

OP posts:

Embracelife · 20/11/2021 18:24

Has he been shown how to behave in a shop?
Roke play and explain.
Go into a shop but not on a big shop day and yes bribery if he walks nicely no touching he gets a biscuit.
Train him.
Go into shops purely to learn.
Same with cafes.
Start with very short visits.
Does he go to playgroup where he can run and play with things?
You need to be clear on this is a shop.
And if he touches anything then in the chair.
But do this on practice runs.
You can train him on what is expected.

StEval · 20/11/2021 18:25

@Hogu

Thanks everyone, it's clear I'm bloody clueless with discipline so thanks for making me feel that even more! 🙈

It wasn't supermarket shopping, it was meeting my elderly relatives for a little look around & coffee type shopping so I didn't want to leave early (we were only there an hour anyway!) and they like to see my DS so didn't want to leave him with someone else.

Will order reins tonight and try toughen up a bit😳!

I dont think you are clueless OP Essentially you are focusing on discipline ( threatening stuff, possibly being stern etc) which ends up in a spiral of increased unwanted behaviour, shouting and threatening etc Instead teach him what you want him to do. Walk with me in the shop nicely or you will have to hold my hand. Be firm and follow through. If he behaves he can help you etc Its a different approach.

ImFree2doasiwant · 20/11/2021 18:27

It's tough OP, but this sort of shopping is a bloody nightmare with young children.

I echo - reins. Or a gruffalo backpack with lead (which my DC were happy with long after reins). Regular praise for good behaviour. Don't let it drag on too long and at this stage, do something fun afterwards, and don't be afraid to bribe/reward with sone chocolate buttons!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Behaviour & development Families

Sirzy · 20/11/2021 18:32

Also hide the fact your stressed from them. They feed of your stress and it becomes a game!

itsgettingwierd · 20/11/2021 19:01

@Hogu

Thanks everyone, it's clear I'm bloody clueless with discipline so thanks for making me feel that even more! 🙈

Will order reins tonight and try toughen up a bit😳!

Reins and take pushchair.

"Walk with me and you'll have to go in the buggy because it's dangerous to be running around".

For toddlers it's always give to give them a reason why their behaviour isn't ok and also they need clear instructions of what to do (as opposed to what not to do).

Then the first time he runs out him in buggy. Even if just for 5 minutes and then you "try again to walk nicely with mummy".

They eventually learn but like with anything some can take longer than others.

Ionlydomassiveones · 20/11/2021 19:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Ionlydomassiveones · 20/11/2021 19:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Calamityhuman · 20/11/2021 19:26

Why couldn’t you have just used the pushchair?

00100001 · 20/11/2021 19:33

Remember that discipline means to teach :)

Remove the negativity - remove focusing on the bad or punishing.

Teach your child the expected behaviours. Teach them the consequences. Teach them to listen to you. teach yourself how to praise and acknowledge the wanted behaviours :)

Hungry675tf · 20/11/2021 19:36

If it makes you feel any better OP, I have a 3 year old who is full of energy. I had ready taken him out for an hour at the playground this morning before heading into town, precisely so he could run his energy off.

He was being good as gold in a shop, and then suddenly out of nowhere he slipped pit of my hand, pegged it out, up the street and onto a busy main road. I had to leave my other child behind to chase him. He got very far very quickly.

I have just re-ordered some reins after thinking we were long past this stage.

RichTeaRichTea · 20/11/2021 19:39

“ It wasn't supermarket shopping, it was meeting my elderly relatives for a little look around & coffee type shopping so I didn't want to leave early (we were only there an hour anyway!) and they like to see my DS so didn't want to leave him with someone else. ”

Tbh I think this would be hit and miss with all but the most compliant 2-3yo, depending on time of day, hunger/tiredness, whether they might be going through some sort of crazy phase of development etc! If you can next time I would steer the relatives away from the mooching in the shops part

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 20/11/2021 19:46

I used reins and then if in a supermarket he had to sit in the child seat in the trolley and was not allowed out. Otherwise he would have been in Rio by now.

Oblomov21 · 20/11/2021 19:51

You train him, talk to him and tell him that it's not ok. Tell him what the punishment will be and follow through. Reins. Did it start recently? Did he do it aged 2?

Bunnycat101 · 20/11/2021 19:54

I actually think you’re expectations are unrealistic. A ‘little look around and coffee type shopping’ is never going to go well with a 2yo. My 2yo Is getting pretty good but I think she’d get pretty fed up with a general potter around a bigger shop. I hate browsing with my parents and in-laws so I can see why a 2yo would get bored.

They need to practice in smaller doses and just need to learn that they can’t run around or play havoc. Bribery helps but 2yos but I do think a lot of toddler ‘bad’ behaviour is when they are tired, bored and hungry and you have to manage them and spot those signs rather than expecting them to just get it.

BlackeyedSusan · 20/11/2021 19:57

reins, or the death grip on the wrist. (harder to pull out of than holding a hand, and you do not need to hold as tight, just tight enough so the hand does not fit through your fingers. )

and keep it to essentials only.

LuchiMangsho · 20/11/2021 20:02

If I take DS to a cafe I go fully prepared. Small bag of toys, colouring, sticker book, book. I order some food for him as well. If it was mooching around shops then I’d be chatting to him to keep him going.

NeverTheHootenanny · 20/11/2021 20:04

My 2.5 year old is the same OP, it’s exhausting and embarrassing. I rarely go anywhere without having her in the pushchair or on her reins. I have a newborn too so really can’t deal with her running riot. I also only really go to places that are toddler friendly like parks, soft plays, etc unless DH is with us.

I do think that it’s pretty normal toddler behaviour though, so don’t beat yourself up thinking that it’s your fault. I’ve recently discovered this website which has lots of good articles and podcasts on managing toddler behaviour. www.janetlansbury.com/

HarrisMcCoo · 20/11/2021 20:08

Reins or buggy at that age.

megletthesecond · 20/11/2021 20:08

Pushchair and reins.
I'd be careful on the threatening to take him home if he doesn't behave. I found that led to endless repeats of poor behaviour to get out of other outings. Made my life harder.

thelegohooverer · 20/11/2021 20:09

The trick is to focus on the positive - make your expectations really clear, and praise everything you can. It’s a bit broken record, but you describe how well they are going to behave in the shop “hold mummy’s hand, and use your quiet voice”, then when you’re in their you tell him how great he is for holding your hand, how lovely and quiet he is, give him a little hand squeeze and a big smile , get him to help put things in the trolley/count the bananas/ etc , and then on the way home in the car talk about how great he did because he held your hand and used a quiet voice.

And if he tests you, instead of reacting or naming the wrong thing (eg dont run away!) start by reminding him of what you want him to do. And act as if he’s going to do it. It’s really hard for a child not to rise to your expectations when you lay them out clearly.

Try not to get locked into a cycle of reacting to or punishing negative behaviour because it puts him in control.

This isn’t remotely intuitive so don’t feel bad if it feels awkward to begin with but it works really well.

I found it so hard not to fall back on my dp’s parenting style but I remember trying to take two misbehaving toddlers across an IKEA car park in December and realising I was telling them what to do (stop hitting your sister, don’t run) and I switched to I want you to walk nicely and hold my hands and they did. They had just been getting my attention by playing up.

Thinkbiglittleone · 20/11/2021 20:11

So don't threaten to take him home if you have no intentions of doing so.
Once those words have left your mouth, you must follow through, they know if you are a bit of a flake.

Clear boundaries, clear consequence, lots of praise for positive behaviour. Plan them out before you leave.

Thinkbiglittleone · 20/11/2021 20:12

Oh yes and reins, trying to keep hold of a child's hand who doesn't want to, is such a nightmare.

BertieBotts · 20/11/2021 20:19

Meet them in a park with a café instead.

I can understand you threatening to take him home, but you need to keep warnings like that for things you can follow through on. So maybe a better one would have been you need to be good in the shop if you want a cake in the café. As that's something you can control whether he gets or not, whereas you weren't willing to take him home in that instance. Never expect a threat to work by itself, you need to be prepared to follow through.

That said I think it's just a lot to expect at that age. I would meet elderly relatives for a very short burst unless they are used to young children, fit and active. Maximum one hour and either tire toddler out beforehand with a big walk or trip to the park etc or meet them somewhere that's geared up for him so he can have a run around and play and have fun. Bring your own snacks or make sure food that he likes is served, but make sure he isn't overly hungry anyway. If you're going somewhere that isn't child friendly like their houses or a posh cafe, bring something quiet and non destructive for him to do like colouring, a comic, some little cars, let him watch TV etc.

BertieBotts · 20/11/2021 20:23

And yes, definitely more effective to focus on positive rather than punishment anyway, but if you do have to issue a threat, that's how you do it :o

Don't beat yourself up. It's not easy when you don't have much experience of this. Three is always when it starts heating up with mine and you have to think on your feet, it can be exhausting!

A little thinking ahead to what would make a particular outing more successful for him and you goes a long way, that's my top tip. Whether it's something that you have done before and it was stressful or whether it's something you haven't attempted since he was much younger.

Ariela · 20/11/2021 20:43

My eldest wore the reins once, that was enough for her to decide she didn't want to wear them again, so I only had to threaten the reins = compliance

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