My almost 3 year old runs riot when we are out

[Hogu]

I find it really stressful, most fo the time I can put him in his pushchair or a trolley but on occasions like this morning that's not an option and he runs round the shop picking up everything, dropping it, hiding, running up and down aisles like a lunatic.

How do I discipline? 3 times this morning I took him outside and warned him that if he didn't stop them we would go straight home, it worked for around 2 minutes then he begins again.
The tuts and disapproving looks are almost as annoying as his behaviour!

He's excited but uncontrollable!

How do people manage this type of behaviour? I don't want to be a shouter even though I feel like it sometimes and I know bribing isn't right but I'm pretty lost what else to do... please help!!!!

@MissyB1

Basically it’s like teaching my dog recall 😆 no I don’t mean to sound rude. I taught my dog to stay near me and to come back to me with a combination of positive reinforcement and natural consequences (going back on the lead).

A toddler is not a dog.

You really can't expect to teach them recall in the same way.

My DD always behaved if I threatened her with the wrist strap. It was a long time before I realised that she had no idea what the wrist strap was and was consequently terrified of it.
Poor little kid!

I dont take mine shopping for this reason.

Get one of those little backpacks with clip on reins, he can stick one of his toys and a snack in the backpack.

Tbh I just don't take mine for a walk round the shops, they are fine in a supermarket as I get them to help me choose food etc but browsing is really boring at that age!

My oldest was like this. Nightmare.

I couldn’t take him to that kind of outing unless he was absolutely tired out first then he’d sit in the pram with a snack. But he had to burn his energy first at the park. Discipline was pointless for whatever reason he couldn’t behave.

He did grow out of it! My youngest was never like that though he was so chill compared to his brother. It’s personality as others have said.

Absolute nightmare and embarrassing

I feel your pain and i have no suggestions but i avoided shops for a while as I couldn't bear it

But my almost 4 year old has stopped doing this now

Its a phase

Give him a little job like holding something or passing you things to put in the basket. Failing that, sit him in the trolley seat

To be fair, this would be a really boring outing for a 3yo, so I'm not really suprised he was hard work. We use to meet people for coffee at a garden center cafe with a mini soft play, or whatever kid friendly places you have locally.

If we had to go somewhere where they couldn't run round, it was always a choice of walk nicely or be contained (eg. Highchair, pushchair, trolley) or in an emergency I'd pick them up and sit them on my shoulders.

Can you arrange to meet your relatives somewhere more child friendly? For example our local garden centre has a coffee shop with a small soft play area in it or the cafe in Next has a playing/colouring in area or the play farm has a cafe next to the indoor play area. A "nice" shop/cafe aren't great for toddlers and I wouldn't have taken mine at that age.

Ha, cross posted @Sprogonthetyne - great minds think alike 😊

At 3 this would be so normal for me but I never had placid kids. All my 3 ds bolted ( one slightly calmer) all the time , we were and are v v v consistent so I would take them home if they acted up in supermarkets / restaurants. V v consistent and it didn't make the slightest difference, they physically couldn't sit/stand still.....Even now they are older they need huge amounts of exercise but can behave when in certain situations.

Before we go to a cafe, restaurant they generally need to have run around a lot before or done some exercise, it probably sounds crazy to some but just how they work, no issues in school but their school is v sporty also. Much easier now they are older and but it's also soooo exhausting as they don't tire tbh, also mortifying when smaller...feel your pain op.

My eldest was like that. I used reins to keep him from running away. I did have to pick him up and carry him back to the car more than once. He grew out of it in the end.

But reins meant we could function.

Take him home and meanwhile, involve him in the shop, chatting, fetching things etc.

Mine were like that OP, they can't help it shopping and a cafe are pretty boring for children.
Are your elderly relatives able to compromise and meet at a child friendly cafe next time? One with a play area (sometimes garden centres can be good for that).

Mine are now 12 and 10 with under a year and a half between them. The small age gap meant they were either strapped in the double buggy (so I couldn't get round shops easily) or the eldest had to hold on to the single buggy. But mostly I did online shopping. I found buggy and tricky to eat snacks helpful - like an apple or the death grip. DC still like to touch things though .

Also, my parents were very strict and I can still remember them having to buy a carpet and me and my older brother climbing through the carpet rolls in the shop, probably aged 4 & 7 . Kids can be little buggers sometimes.

@invisiblecats

No-one it saying a toddler is a dog, bit actually the principles are the same.

You want a behaviour.
You reward behaviour when it is being displayed.
You ignore the unwanted behaviour and redirect to wanted behaviour.

Reins, or one of those strap things attached to yours and his wrists.

Threats of not having his toys/going to the park or whatever.

@TheCreamCaker

Reins, or one of those strap things attached to yours and his wrists. Threats of not having his toys/going to the park or whatever.

He is three It needs to be immediate Not something in the future Sit nicely and you can haVe a biscuit

Its what 3 year olds do. Would recommend reins if you must bring them. If its relatives looking to see them, then they meet you at playpark with coffee in thermos. Remember having a 2 year window where i just couldnt bring child/ren out (was pregnant). They are now all 12 plus and a joy to take out. Remember its just a phase and be kind to yourself. Main thing i did was follow through. It still gets talked about how 4 of us all left mcdonalds after ordering and paying. Youngest was about 3 and warned once about kicking. 2nd time we were out of there. She never did it again lol

@Hogu

I've read through every response and really grateful for all (almost all!!) your advice. Definitely going to stop with the empty threats and just be firm with the buggy or sit in trolley. It's been getting me down and I've felt a bit lost with knowing how to deal with certain situations but it all seems a lot clearer now. I know I'm guilty of being too soft but by doing so I've been making myself unhappy.

Don't be harsh on yourself. We hate seeing our children upset and it's worse when we are the ones who upset them!

Parenting is tough but you learn to be tough.

Every child is also different.

Just decide on your boundaries and be clear and consistent. He'll get it in the end.

When my ds was 2yo he thought you had to sit in the buggy if you had a packet of chocolate buttons.

The fact I bribed him with them to sit in the buggy wasn't the worlds best kept secret after that

Well yes, but it still has to be age appropriate so there is a big element of growing into it. What you do with a 2yo is different to what you do with 4yo. A lot of it in the early stages is parents practising their response rather than children responding to it.

Reins and always follow through on any threat you make, even if it's inconvenient for you. Going home is probably exactly what he'd like to do so don't use that as a threat.

I’m sorry I don’t agree with this. It’s not ‘guided by random adults’ it’s parents teaching good behaviour.

They don’t suddenly become self aware and regulate their own behaviour - you have to teach them. It’s all about instruction - ‘mummy expects x, y, z’ - then you reward that with praise and fuss and fun. Kids blossom with praise - it really is a powerful tool. This ‘wait and they’ll grow out of it’ thinking is not discipline and it’s not good parenting. Lots of parents do it because it’s the coward’s way out - discipline isn’t fun initially but the long term pay off is so great for you, your child and society.

Thank you for your opinion but I think you have misunderstood. I’m not sure where I said random adults.
I said adults, I didn’t think I’d need to specify adults who are the carer for the child in the given situation - mum/dad/granny/nursery teacher etc.

I would stand by what I said. I’ve never let a random adult guide my child I would find that very odd and neglectful to do so? I don’t know many of these cowardly parents you refer too but I’m sure they must be having some difficulties if that’s how they rely on keeping their child safe in a supermarket.

By guidance I meant rewarding good behaviour/sanctioning poor behaviour. But expecting a level of tolerance from the general public when dealing with a child in a supermarket is something all parents should be able to do.

I'm a random adult, a boy we didn't know was playing with DS and started kicking stones and they went all over my baby in the Pushchair. I said firmly "don't kick stones" and pointed my finger, he looked me in the eye and absolutely shocked. I was a bit shocked it just came out. He did stop kicking them. His parents were just ignoring it. And to be fair I'm sure back in the day kids were taught to respect all adults. The issue now is a few adults can't be trusted and it's hard to teach respect adults and also tell don't do what they say if they want you to go with them. It's very hard when respected people have often abused that respect.