Feeling sad living in London

[halloweenie13]

I've been in London about a year now, and I'm still not feeling connected or settled. I just feel abit lost. I've tried everything to make friends bumble, meet up groups, Facebook groups and yet I have a number of casual friends I could count on one hand. Everything is ridiculously expensive and people are just quite hostile in general, never saying please or thankyou, shoving past you in supermarkets and in public spaces. It sound silly but the other night I cried looking at the moon because it was the first time I had seen it in 3 months (where I'm from up north we have big open spaces,see the moon every night and have a community feeling). I've been trying to hint to my family I'm miserable down here and I don't think they're taking me seriously, they just think "oh wow you have everything on your doorstep" my rent contract is up in spring so in theory I don't have long but I wish it was much sooner, has anyone else ever felt like this?

Yep, I loved London to start with as I went to uni there, had an amazing time and many of the friends I made stayed living in London. That mixed with making a decent amount of money was living the dream. As people started to move away to buy a place, or travel abroad as many did, it felt incredible lonely. Things I'd really enjoyed before like the bustle and bustle, the convenience of the tube, having so much to do because really started to get to me. I felt lonely, really started to hate it. I think if you have friends or family there it's one of the best places to live, if not though it can feel isolating and hard to make friends. I do miss it sometimes now though, I guess Rose tinted glasses and all that!

I'd say if you know you want to leave when your lease is up, maybe make a list of stuff you really want to do before you go? Try new things, you might feel differently if you have an end date in mind. I did the same and met my now husband and we moved away together.

I think it does take time to settle into any new city. I was lucky when I moved here that I knew one person and they introduced me to their friends. However, now we've all had children most people are moving out of the city and it does feel different. What helped me when I moved down was having a job with young-ish (the same age as me) colleagues and going out for drinks with them after work and gradually building up friendships, and also a flat share with people of my own age and becoming friends with them.

Do you live alone or with flatmates? Spareroom is very good for looking for rooms and finding people of the same age.

It's so hard to make friendships when you're out of uni, so I do sympathise. Have you thought of joining any groups/hobby clubs/Meetup.com and then seeing how it goes until your contract is due again and seeing how you feel then?

I moved there and didnt like it from the off. I found everything so claustrophobic. I never settled really, but I suppose I made the best of it as I had to stay for 3 years. I left, settled elsewhere and havent looked back.

Its ok if London isnt for you, although I get it can be alienating because most like it.

It’s a big place - one area won’t feel the same as another. Where about are you? How old are you? What vibe of an area do you want? Are you living alone or sharing atm? All these things can affect it.

But ultimately it’s your life - if you don’t like it then move?

I live in London and I love it, but that doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone.

Would you consider a move back up North?

Also whenever I mentioned my feelings, people either tried to tell me how great London was or quote 'when you're tired of London, you're tired of life' at me. It was weird. Ive never had that before when leaving anywhere else.

people are just quite hostile in general, never saying please or thankyou, shoving past you in supermarkets and in public space

I've lived in London all my life and said this to my BF yesterday. We live in a more suburban bit and people are so friendly and chatty. Always nice to the children. Shopkeepers always nice.

When we drive to the shopping centre in the next town/borough, people are noticeably miserable and rude. Never want to live in a more built up area again, it's much more obvious having left, now I notice the difference in people

@Tabbacus

Yep, I loved London to start with as I went to uni there, had an amazing time and many of the friends I made stayed living in London. That mixed with making a decent amount of money was living the dream. As people started to move away to buy a place, or travel abroad as many did, it felt incredible lonely. Things I'd really enjoyed before like the bustle and bustle, the convenience of the tube, having so much to do because really started to get to me. I felt lonely, really started to hate it. I think if you have friends or family there it's one of the best places to live, if not though it can feel isolating and hard to make friends. I do miss it sometimes now though, I guess Rose tinted glasses and all that!

I'd say if you know you want to leave when your lease is up, maybe make a list of stuff you really want to do before you go? Try new things, you might feel differently if you have an end date in mind. I did the same and met my now husband and we moved away together.

That's the thing I really have attempted to combat the lonliness by being all 'miss independant' I've gone on day trips to various outer locations like brighton, southend, chessington, thorpe park ect. Done all the Merlin attractions with my pass, visited the museums, gone for dinners and days out with friends when theyre available, gone on boat rides, invited people to stay with me. And as lovely as they all are I just feel such a disconnect from the enjoyment of experiences and the reality of living here, I moved here for work at the end of university and a longterm relationship and it's just not working out x

@Spottybluepyjamas

I think it does take time to settle into any new city. I was lucky when I moved here that I knew one person and they introduced me to their friends. However, now we've all had children most people are moving out of the city and it does feel different. What helped me when I moved down was having a job with young-ish (the same age as me) colleagues and going out for drinks with them after work and gradually building up friendships, and also a flat share with people of my own age and becoming friends with them.

Do you live alone or with flatmates? Spareroom is very good for looking for rooms and finding people of the same age.

It's so hard to make friendships when you're out of uni, so I do sympathise. Have you thought of joining any groups/hobby clubs/Meetup.com and then seeing how it goes until your contract is due again and seeing how you feel then?

See I've lived in sheffield previously away from my home city and another southern location for 6 months and enjoyed both, if I had to pick anywhere over my home city it would be sheffield honestly. I've joined meetup and bumble but people literally just ignore you after a few text conversations or never return to groups, and I live in a studio flat, I lived in a shared flat after living alone with a partner for 5 years but found it hard to share space and they never left their rooms x

Move somewhere else.

London isn't the be all and end all and life's too short to feel unhappy.

@Sausage222

It’s a big place - one area won’t feel the same as another. Where about are you? How old are you? What vibe of an area do you want? Are you living alone or sharing atm? All these things can affect it.

But ultimately it’s your life - if you don’t like it then move?

I moved from east london to west after first moving here to really give it a chance as I just wasn't connecting, I say a year but it's more like a year and 3 months now, I'm living alone but was sharing and I would happily move tomorrow but I'm bound to a contract

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Also whenever I mentioned my feelings, people either tried to tell me how great London was or quote 'when you're tired of London, you're tired of life' at me. It was weird. Ive never had that before when leaving anywhere else.

Yes! exactly this and it's baffling, outside of the facade of 'things to do' and fancy buildings it's quite a bleak place

It's not for everyone and there's no shame in that. I was born in London and lived here all my life. Married another Londoner. It's in my blood. But it drives me nuts sometimes.

Follow your heart. The Moon will always be there for you. 🌙

Im also from the North OP! Its very different. In the end ive settled in Bournemouth 🙂

Speak to your landlord, you never know their circs and it's always worth asking the question if you can leave.

Negotiate. Ask if you can assign the contract to someone else if they pass the credit checks. Ask if you can throw them £100 if you can leave in a couple of months rather than a year. Usually you can work something out.

West London is the worst, in my opinion. And I was born there. But a lot of it is overpriced soulless wankery.

I think it's fine if you don't like it.

I'm a born & raised Londoner as is DH and if it wasn't for family here we would likely be off!

I'm not sure if it's getting older but it's changed a lot since my youth & I hate the traffic & congestion now.

Oh God. I moved to Putney in my late 20s and ended up getting really grumpy with people who said 'ooh, Putney's lovely'. I asked them why? The traffic was terrible, the High Street was smelly and it was £6 for a drink in a pub (a long time ago now!). I was so unhappy for ages.

But - and I know it's a cliche - but after about a year I joined a sports club and it changed my life. I made friends with like minded people having a common interest.

Do you have any hobbies?

You've got to do what's right for you though, there's no reason not to move elsewhere if you'd rather though, is there?

Aww OP that's sad to hear.

I bloody LOVE living in London. Admittedly though, when I first moved here I felt incredibly lonely. It took me a good few years to really settle in with a close group of girlfriends etc.

Are you single? I find the dating scene quite good fun - a really good way to meet people.

How old are you? If you're young-ish, I'd suggest moving back in to a house share, it's also a great source of instant and wide friendship circle and social life.

Which area of West London are you in? What zone??

London is not for everyone, and there's no reason to stay if it's not for you. Spring is not far away really, so use the time to decide where you want to go (I would suggest somewhere you already have several friends and relatives) and set the move up - job, place to live etc.

I love London, but if you aren't making meaningful social connections here you are never going to enjoy it.

West is awful. Overpriced and unfriendly.

Do you like your job and want to stay in it/is it good for your career?

If so I'd be tempted to give it another year but move to South East London which has a more community feel and more green space (it's unbelievably friendly where we live). This hasn't been a normal year by any stretch- 2 covid lockdowns, lots of people still wfh etc. Also you're probably still discombobulated after coming out of a LTR . I did the same after university and it takes a long time to feel settled. Do you do any sports or fancy doing any? I made friends with flatmates, a running club, a bookgroup and people from work. We recently temporarily relocated and one good piece of advice i had was to have standing things in the diary, e.g. going to the same yoga class every Monday. The rhythm helps.

But there's no shame if it's not for you, of course.

@Animood

Speak to your landlord, you never know their circs and it's always worth asking the question if you can leave.

Negotiate. Ask if you can assign the contract to someone else if they pass the credit checks. Ask if you can throw them £100 if you can leave in a couple of months rather than a year. Usually you can work something out.

Thankyou, I've started that process, even my own grandmother offered to pay off the contract for me to move back up with her , bless her x

@nc198567

Aww OP that's sad to hear.

I bloody LOVE living in London. Admittedly though, when I first moved here I felt incredibly lonely. It took me a good few years to really settle in with a close group of girlfriends etc.

Are you single? I find the dating scene quite good fun - a really good way to meet people.

How old are you? If you're young-ish, I'd suggest moving back in to a house share, it's also a great source of instant and wide friendship circle and social life.

Which area of West London are you in? What zone??

I tried dating, after getting over my breakup and it hasn't gone great so far, maybe I'm not picking the right ones lol and I'm mid 20's, ironically all of my friends live between greenwich and petts wood, I considered moving across the river back in july but the options just weren't there, I was originally in tottenham so it could be much worse, I'm in brent now x

@plantastic

West is awful. Overpriced and unfriendly.

Do you like your job and want to stay in it/is it good for your career?

If so I'd be tempted to give it another year but move to South East London which has a more community feel and more green space (it's unbelievably friendly where we live). This hasn't been a normal year by any stretch- 2 covid lockdowns, lots of people still wfh etc. Also you're probably still discombobulated after coming out of a LTR . I did the same after university and it takes a long time to feel settled. Do you do any sports or fancy doing any? I made friends with flatmates, a running club, a bookgroup and people from work. We recently temporarily relocated and one good piece of advice i had was to have standing things in the diary, e.g. going to the same yoga class every Monday. The rhythm helps.

But there's no shame if it's not for you, of course.

In terms of career I'm in environmental, so actually there's probably better opportunities up north having looked through linkedin and other portals, the pay is oddly the same or better in places like nottingham, york, leeds etc , I contemplated moving to the south of london and that was my initial plan, (canada wharf) then that was limited so as an above person said I looked at Putney which I still really enjoyed. A property fell through there so looked at ealing, same happened so settled on a very nice (but just not me) area of brent x