Feeling sad living in London

[halloweenie13]

I've been in London about a year now, and I'm still not feeling connected or settled. I just feel abit lost. I've tried everything to make friends bumble, meet up groups, Facebook groups and yet I have a number of casual friends I could count on one hand. Everything is ridiculously expensive and people are just quite hostile in general, never saying please or thankyou, shoving past you in supermarkets and in public spaces. It sound silly but the other night I cried looking at the moon because it was the first time I had seen it in 3 months (where I'm from up north we have big open spaces,see the moon every night and have a community feeling). I've been trying to hint to my family I'm miserable down here and I don't think they're taking me seriously, they just think "oh wow you have everything on your doorstep" my rent contract is up in spring so in theory I don't have long but I wish it was much sooner, has anyone else ever felt like this?

In your shoes I would be straight on the next train back up north. Life is too short.

Do you work in London? Any chance of making friends there. It took me a long time to get used to it. I lived in a houseshare and met lots of people through that. But it can be lonely.

I live in a part of South London that has a kinda village feel. Local WhatsApp groups and other groups. There are charity events etc ... I find it hard to believe how village like it is sometimes. We even talk to neighbours.

I would give it a little more time just to see if something clicks. I would say it took me a couple of years to adjust. No shame in going back home though.

Where do you work? Can you change jobs to something with a younger crowd. It’s a shame you are in your twenties and things are just opening up now and getting back to normal. I love London yesterday I was in Borough Market and today strolling around Hampstead Heath. You would be better off house sharing there’s loads of places on Spareroom. I don’t think a year is enough time.

York and Leeds are great options!

Hmmm yeah Brent is a tricky one. I wouldn't enjoy London if that was my base. ( with apologies to the North West London massive )

Ohh I grew up in the countryside and absolutely love living in London. But that is probably because I am older than you and have kids (my DH lives abroad so am alone adult wise). South west London is really friendly and as one OP said I know all my neighbours and we arrange things together. Coffees. Parties. Street things. So it’s not all bleak and unfriendly. I think I would struggle north of the river which feels more ‘city’. But if you are truly unhappy maybe better to consider leaving :-(

Ps south west London is really nice but Putney as you tried us simply one big traffic queue. Especially as Hammersmith bridge closed. Would avoid like the plague.

I've lived in London for 20 years and still feel like this sometimes to be honest. It's ok if you decide not to stay.

One thing that helps me is getting up high so you can look over the city and see the sky. Places like the monument, the sky garden (though you're not outside there), the top of the Tate when it opens again and hilly parks like Hampstead heath (and some down south but you're not here).

Otherwise smiling at people and saying hello (appropriately, like 'morning') to them absolutely works. Most people don't mean to be grumpy bastards it's just easy to get into that zone when everyone else is. This is something I've told my daughters when they feel like you're feeling and it does work.

I live in a part of South London that has a kinda village feel. Local WhatsApp groups and other groups. There are charity events etc ... I find it hard to believe how village like it is sometimes. We even talk to neighbours.

I would say lots of areas are like this is London. I even used to play out on the street with other kids growing up 😱😆

I don't know Brent but I have lived in Nth London, West London, and now Sth London. I also worked in East London. Sth London is definitely the friendliest and lots of huge parks/commons.

It's so funny you mention the moon OP. This evening I was on my way home and as usual the moon was out and the night was all lit up. I live in the countryside in a sunny country, so we have a good moon almost every night of the year. I realised this evening that it's one of the things I love most about living here. I don't know why, there's just something about the moon.

Anyway, I find cities exhausting, especially big ones like London. I lived in Bristol and loved it there, but that's about as much concrete as I can bear.

Don't suffer it just because it's London and you think you should. It's filthy anyway, and the air quality is terrible.

I felt the same way OP! I was in London for uni and some time after that.
Having lived in capital cities all my life and liking galleries, museums etc I never thought I'd feel that way but London is a transient city.
There are lots of people but they're all commitment phobic. You don't see the same people twice. People ghost you on dating apps (I'm decent looking and had a decent profile, I guess everyone just wanted to date supermodels). I joined social things like sports clubs but hated them

In the end a relationship ended and I got a well-paid job in Manchester, saw no reason to stay. And I love it here. There are fewer meet up groups so you see the same people around. Also things like hiking that you can do once in a while and not feel overwhelmed by how much is going on. My dating life prospered (I went on lots of actual dates with lovely men!), got a few boyfriends, then met my DP organically. Plus I have lots more money to spend on things that I love - not £800 a month for a rabbit hutch.

Sometimes I do miss London , I might even go back one day but it's not for me. I don't need a million people to hang out with I need a few good friends to chat shit with and that's it.

Also to add - the crowds. Everywhere you go in London it's just people, more people. Queueing up for every thing.

I do think where you live in London makes a huge difference. Not just the actual location itself but the demographic of that location. I've lived in various places in London but for the last 2 decades I've been in E1. It's so easy to get to know people here and generally people are pretty friendly. I know my neighbours. In fact we have a summer party for all the neighbours each year. Some of my neighbours had flowers delivered to me today - and another neighbour dropped round some dinner for me. Seriously. It took me years to figure out the secret but it's concentrating your efforts on local places so you meet local people, and build up relationships that way. I changed to a nearby local gym (rather than going to a bigger chain further away) and very quickly developed a local network of friends. I started doing voluntary work locally, same thing happened. I always chat to the staff in my local cafes/shops so they know me and I know them. I feel like I belong but I got that way by really making the effort. Most people won't interact unless you do it first.

By contrast, I went to see my physio today in the City and had a few encounters with more 'classic London' pedestrians i.e. rude, don't look where they're going, just don't care about anyone else. But that's the City for you. I just shoulder barge them back.

I think Brent is likely half your problem. You’re single in your 20s, and yet living in family suburbia. I imagine a house share in or around Greenwich would give you a whole different experience.

But nobody’s forcing you to stay, if you’re not feeling it.

I grew up in west London and my family still live there so I visit a couple times a year - but it has a different vibe now to what it did 25 years ago. I don't think I could live there all the time now, but I absolutely love visiting for a week or so and getting that London vibe back (I'm very rural now). I most definitely couldn't afford the housing there now and find all the 20mph limit roads odd although I understand why they have been made that (most are 40 or 60mph roads around here).

Well I have lived in a city up North for many years and have struggled to make friends. I found it easier when I lived in the South. I've given up now.

I hope to move eventually.

OP, how much of it is London and how much of it is just feeling lonely and not having a friendship group to socialise with? And how long since your relationship ended- 5 years is a long time, are you still grieving that too?

If I have learnt anything from having moved to the UK many years ago, is that you "take yourself with you". So depending on what the real root of the problem is, moving somewhere else may not solve it.

I've lived in various bits of London (including Brent!) and don't really recognise the bleak picture you paint. Yes it's crowded and people can be in a bit of a rush but I find it as friendly as I choose to be really. As a foreigner (albeit from an English speaking country) I've found other parts of the UK just as (if not more) brusque, insular and intolerant than London. I've got 3 sets of friends who've found it very hard to settle and feel welcome in provincial UK towns allegedly known for their friendliness. Wherever you live, it is what you make of it really.

But if it really isn't for you then yes, of course find somewhere that makes you happy.

It's so funny you mention the moon OP. This evening I was on my way home and as usual the moon was out and the night was all lit up. I live in the countryside in a sunny country, so we have a good moon almost every night of the year. I realised this evening that it's one of the things I love most about living here. I don't know why, there's just something about the moon.

I really agree with this. Last night we were by Greenland Dock and noticed a big moon all bright, and reflected in the water. But this hardly ever happens in London, lucky if you get it once a month.

With respect.. single in your 20s and you’re living in zone 3/4 in suburbia... I think of London as lots of different villages. Maybe look for a houseshare in east or south london??

Also the moon WAS beautiful the other night!

Echoing PP that you are living in the wrong place in London for someone your age.

Either move to Ealing or somewhere else completely different.

And join a sports club.

The moon has been stunning this week and you could see Jupiter very clearly.
@halloweenie13 go and hang out with your se london friends. A studio flat in the suburbs is a bit Muriel Spark, that’s why you’re miserable.

I hated London OP. Stuck it out for a while but I'm so glad I moved back up North. For me, it was the sea that I missed. London was too claustrophobic. All the parks and green spaces couldn't compare to walking along a beach.

I'm a londonder, live a little outside now but still commutable, and have had good and bad times with London. But if you're not loving it, and if you can get work at a similar pay level elsewhere in the country, my advice would be to go! You'll have cheaper housing so could get on the property ladder sooner, better access to countryside, and all cities will still have lots going on to meet people. Go, before you find something that does tie you to London