DP and his deep set phobia of running out of bread. Just a thread to rant really

[CarrotSticks19]

DP has bought more squash. We have squash, its in the cupboard. We actually have loads of fucking squash because he keeps buying it. As soon as it goes in the cupboard he forgets it exists and buys more. How does he not know the squash is in the cupboard? I thought Id sorted this problem by letting him chose the squash cupboard, but no hes still buying squash.

He does this with toothpaste, constantly buying toothpaste. The bathroom cupboard is full of toothpastes he has bought, because he refuses to remember we have toothpaste unless he can physically see it.

Why? Why cant he remember thwse things are in the cupboard? Is it laziness? Its causing him more bother to constantly go to the shops to buy toothpaste.

The absolute worst though is the bread. every single time he goes shopping he buys more bread. He thought we needed bread because he hasnt bought any in a while. He actually bought some yesterday and theres already 4 loaves in the freezer and 4 in the bread bin. The worst bit about it is he doesnt even eat bread! Why does he have this deep down phobia of running out of a food he doesnt even eat?! Does it fucking matter if we run out of bread!

Anyone else have these small things that really annoy you? Ive tried dealing with the problem. The only solution is to keep the spare toothpaste/squash/bread on display so he remembers it exists, but fuck me Id really like it if he could learn how cupboards work so my table decoration doesnt have to be a tube of toothpaste!

What about him taking regular photos before going shopping of these items?

DH is similar with loo roll. It’s always been a thing, and obviously in the early pandemic panic buying he was THRILLED to have his hobby justified.

Mine does this with bread and fruit juice. It’s got to the point that I don’t drink fruit juice and hardly eat any bread. When he over buys it’s his responsibility to consume it before it goes off.

I do keep full cupboards etc due to childhood issues, but he knows we have fruit juice 🤬

I'd put all the bread, squash and toothpaste out on the table and leave it there for him to see when he gets home.

Think of the way to store them in open rather than in cupboards?
For bread, let him learn how to bake them rather than buying? So if he wants another loaf of bread, instead of just picking it up at shops, he will need to spend time making them.

It’s an anxiety thing and maybe something happened to him in the past which had triggered this. I am the same, basically because my DM starved me from the age of 4 as she decided I was too fat (I wasn’t and have the photos to prove it).

So, cupboard stuff isn’t too bad but the bread would annoy me. Tell him to buy ONE bread mix pack for emergencies and use up all the bread in the freezer.

I’m a bit like this OP, I have ADHD. Unless I can physically see the item and know we have loads then it might as well not exist.

I’m not making excuses for him, nor myself I’m just particularly inattentive when it comes to remembering to check what we do or don’t have before flying out of the door to the shops.

I also had the kind of childhood where the cupboards were often bare or empty of crucial things and would be bundled into the car at 9pm on a rainy night to get bread for school sandwiches the next day. I think those experiences have shaped my grocery buying habits as an adult. Running out of things that I want or need triggers are certain kind of uncomfortable feeling that I prefer to mitigate.

Perhaps it isn’t that deep with your DH though.

Ban him from shopping?

He doesn't forget, he's a hoarder/has huge hoarding tendencies, and I would very strongly suggest he gets help before this gets worse, which it probably will. It's reasonable to assume that your husband has very serious anxiety issues that he needs help with.

I'm exactly like this after being brought up Inn extreme poverty.

If I haven't got tins of food and stocked up on all non perishables it makes me anxious because I think if something happens how can I feed my kids .

Line up all the squash/toothpaste/any other item in his bed.

I’m a bit like this OP, I have ADHD. Unless I can physically see the item and know we have loads then it might as well not exist.

ADHD was my first thought too. Teenage DS has it and is exactly like this.

Use some of the bread up with making things like treacle tart, bread & butter pudding, queen of puddings, poor knights of Windsor!

I saw or heard something about this once.

It can be from a childhood where they were deprived.
Or a mental health illness like ADHD.

I can be a bit like this. Mine stems from growing up with a mum with an eating disorder and there was barely any food in the cupboards. No snacks ever. She shopped weekly and bought exactly what was needed for that weeks meals and nothing else. I vowed that when I was an adult my kitchen would always have loads of food in the cupboards and freezer.. and it does .

Interesting range of ideas

I mean, who knows what is at the root of it for your DH, OP, but it seems a fair bet that there is a root cause and he’s not just doing it to be a pain. It’s not like it’s laziness or something, it’s kind of the opposite — in that proactively buying basics is “helpful” — even though it’s exasperating.

@NoSquirrels

Ban him from shopping?

That's what I came on to say.

Maybe he should just leave shopping to you?

How far are you from a shop that sells bread? If not far, then why can't you risk running out, then go and get more?

@TaraR2020

I'd put all the bread, squash and toothpaste out on the table and leave it there for him to see when he gets home.

^This.

Leave it all out so he can see it. Don't "hide" it in a cupboard.

If he buys any more let him watch you while you take it straight out to the bin.

Every morning, ask him not to buy any bread today.

Shared shopping list app, and a loaf of Emergency Bread in the freezer.

I like a mini stockpile because of odd shift patterns which make it hard to plan, but that would annoy me deeply.

DH is similar. I take the overflow to the foodbank ( luckily it doesn't happen with bread, but we have toothpaste galore and many, many tins) DH also went without as a child apparently.

I agree with other posters. I can't help but buy stuff for my larger unit. I also have managed to accumulate an American fridge freezer in my kitchen, a massive chest freezer in the garage and another fridge freezer in my bedroom. I now buy food for those even when we don't need it. I can't help myself. I'm bipolar and lived an especially disorganised childhood.... I remember having oxtail soup for breakfast and living on left overs/scraps when the fridge and covers were empty. So making sure I've got food for a month or two makes me feel much better

The only time I've done similar is via online shopping. Just buying the same regular things without always checking how much we had, so amassing a stockpile. Mostly 'occasional purchase' non-perishables like toothpaste, or some tinned or jar foods. Then I'd stop buying that thing for a while and almost run out. So just poor stock control (aka can't be bothered to go and look).

My husband is an impulsive bulk buyer. I came downstairs after one of his shopping trips yesterday and sighed as I stepped over a 30kg sack of basmati rice, about 10kg of baking potatoes and a sack of flour. What the fuck does he think I'm making with this?? He doesn't even cook.