DP and his deep set phobia of running out of bread. Just a thread to rant really

[CarrotSticks19]

DP has bought more squash. We have squash, its in the cupboard. We actually have loads of fucking squash because he keeps buying it. As soon as it goes in the cupboard he forgets it exists and buys more. How does he not know the squash is in the cupboard? I thought Id sorted this problem by letting him chose the squash cupboard, but no hes still buying squash.

He does this with toothpaste, constantly buying toothpaste. The bathroom cupboard is full of toothpastes he has bought, because he refuses to remember we have toothpaste unless he can physically see it.

Why? Why cant he remember thwse things are in the cupboard? Is it laziness? Its causing him more bother to constantly go to the shops to buy toothpaste.

The absolute worst though is the bread. every single time he goes shopping he buys more bread. He thought we needed bread because he hasnt bought any in a while. He actually bought some yesterday and theres already 4 loaves in the freezer and 4 in the bread bin. The worst bit about it is he doesnt even eat bread! Why does he have this deep down phobia of running out of a food he doesnt even eat?! Does it fucking matter if we run out of bread!

Anyone else have these small things that really annoy you? Ive tried dealing with the problem. The only solution is to keep the spare toothpaste/squash/bread on display so he remembers it exists, but fuck me Id really like it if he could learn how cupboards work so my table decoration doesnt have to be a tube of toothpaste!

I do this but that’s because I was starved as a child. I imagine a cold upbringing may trigger this too, people find comfort in food.

Why don’t you get a bread maker and some mixes (they keep rather well) and suggest you are going to start making your own bread and that he doesn’t need to buy more? That may ease his worry? I think I could live with the non perishables, just send them to a homeless shelter/food bank.

Also... for all those who were hungry children.

My gran used to do this, she had a shopping list which she used each and every time she went shopping. Great idea, we all do this. But it had things in there like toothpaste, loo roll, tomato ketchup. So along with things you buy weekly, she had bottles and bottles of ketchup.

My SIL is like this. She was a war baby but I don't know if that's anything to do with it. Even if she never bought another tea bag or bog roll I don't think she'll get through all her hoard in her lifetime (she's 81).

DH is the opposite, he never remembers what we need so ends up doing multiple shops rather than just one. We now have an Alexa shopping list. We both stick to to list. It's really helped.

OP there will be a reason. Its not to annoy you.

So you've identified the trigger, that he can't see the spares, so buys more. You need to stop storing the items he is triggered to stockpile on show. Dont put squash in the cupboard. Have the current bottle and 1 spare on the kitchen surface. In the bathroom, put 1 or 2 toothpaste tubes out on the side where he can see them.

Did he go without anything as a kid?

I have a thing for buying multiples of things on offer so that a) I get it cheaper now when I don't need it instead of double the price when I do and b) I have enough. I always need to have enough.

As a teen my mum didn't give much of a shit. If she wasn't hungry, she didn't make dinner and told us to sort ourselves out. Problem is there's not much of a meal you can make with half a tub of old flour, some oxos, a tin of Marrowfat processed peas and margarine and a jif lemon in the fridge. (One particular memory of trying to "sort myself some dinner out".) Thankfully there were frozen peas and sweetcorn in the freezer so I had a microwaved bowl of those.

I recall having half a dozen boiled eggs (on their own) for dinner for some nights because she didn't have any shopping in but had a huge stack of eggs on the side from a neighbour farmer.

Now I over buy. My cupboards are full. My kids can eat freshly home cooked meals from scratch (with a yummy brown meal of nuggets etc on occasion!) My husband doesn't understand why I have an overstock of foods (I don't waste them, it's long life or it's batch cooked and frozen)

I love having too many new socks.

As a child every day started with a 15 minute hunt for socks. No idea why my mother wouldnt buy me socks

He can come and live with my husband who works out how many slices he thinks we need for the next day and then counts the slices left in the packet. Woe betide anyone who fancies a slice of toast if he's accounted for all the bread for the next day. We ALWAYS have at least one loaf in the freezer.

@BruiserWoods

I love having too many new socks. As a child every day started with a 15 minute hunt for socks. No idea why my mother wouldnt buy me socks

Tbf I'm forever buying socks and we are always doing this too. No idea where they go! (Mine have only been a problem since dd has had big enough feet to steal mine as well as wear her own)

Give the surplus to the local foodbank - inc toothpaste?

This countries fascination with bread astounds me
It’s like running out of bread is a fate worse than death

The only solution is to buy a HUGE freezer. For all the bread. He can learn to make soup from all the squash(es?). And obviously having extra toothpaste is essential for every home, in case of ...well...emergencies.

My dh is the same my god what is it with men ?.
He also buys ham and salad that we won’t use before use by date . At the weekend I binned loads of ham that had gone out of date . I hate waste so that annoys me . He also does buy a load of squash which I told him off for so he’s stopped but guess what we’re running low on squash , but it’s not the end of the world . The thing is he never buys anything to make a meal with it’s just toilet roll, squash , biscuits, ham , crisps , salad and beer .

@NothingIsWrong, that's a horrible way to live. Your H has a serious problem.

If you'd like to talk, start a thread in Relationships.

I dont think he has ADHD (I suspect i have aDHD and have always been jealous of his calm, unchaotic approach to life).

I wonder if this is contributing to the problem. Maybe he's (over) compensating for the fact you might forget the stuff you need, without having a full awareness of what you might have used if he doesn't use it himself.

I had this problem with the ex-DP, but in his case it was hot water bottles. I had 8 large ones and 4 small ones at one point, because he'd give me a new one every Christmas and Birthday. "But they wear out!". Not twice a year they don't!

@lottiegarbanzo

The only time I've done similar is via online shopping. Just buying the same regular things without always checking how much we had, so amassing a stockpile. Mostly 'occasional purchase' non-perishables like toothpaste, or some tinned or jar foods. Then I'd stop buying that thing for a while and almost run out. So just poor stock control (aka can't be bothered to go and look).

I do exactly this online shopping! It’s just easier to add another tin of tomatoes to the order than to go and check the cupboard for the 7 you have already!

We have sixteen tins of new potatoes in the cupboard. SIX. TEEN. TINS. It's like living with a prepper. Im with you OP.

My issue is hand soap. I mean I am a prepper as in I buy stuff only on offer so I never have to pay full price
My dad laughed about my hand soap and bar soap stash. Then covid hit... me "who is laughing NOW?!" I supplied my entire work with hand soap until we could get more
See also body wash, conditioner, toilet rolls... I've just built shelves for my stash. Don't judge me!

@FuckingFabulous

My husband is an impulsive bulk buyer. I came downstairs after one of his shopping trips yesterday and sighed as I stepped over a 30kg sack of basmati rice, about 10kg of baking potatoes and a sack of flour. What the fuck does he think I'm making with this?? He doesn't even cook.

Oh that made me laugh. Although I can imagine it wasn't funny in the moment

Am I your DP? I do this too due to ADHD as well.
I recently bought 3 tubes toothpaste because the one in the bathroom was half empty. I went to put them in my stash cupboard and found five new tubes already there that I’d forgotten about. (Along with the 10 spare bamboo toothbrushes)

My DH and DC always joke about “the bread pile” or “mountain of bread” because...I also buy and make too much bread (there’s no room in the freezer to freeze it, but that’s a different conversation)

Don’t have too much squash though, that’s not something we drink.

But I do have over a hundred bars of soap stashed under my bed....
I also occasionally discover Christmas or birthday presents that I had bought, hidden and then forgotten about.

I think what with ADHD that these few minor things falling out of my mind, I’m actually doing alright overall. I was much worse before diagnosed and medicated.

I was imagining cupboards full of butternut/seasonal squash for far too long before I realised

Get on Pinterest to find nice open storage inspo. Perhaps a shelf or a veg trolley thing?

When my children were toddlers, I got the flu. So did my parents. I could not get out of bed to help them and they could not get to my house to help me.
For eight days, I set the alarm so I would wake up and drag myself to the kitchen to feed DD1 and DD2. I gave them cereal and milk and went shivering back to bed. We ran out of milk!! So they got dry cereal and sippy cups of orange juice.
To this day, I keep three weeks worth of milk in the refrigerator, even though I don't drink milk and only DS (age 18) is here. He could easily fend for himself. I know that. But I also KNOW that I must NEVER run out of milk. Good mothers NEVER run out of milk.

Get out all the multiples and lay them out on the kitchen table.

Then say: don't buy any more.

Then take a photo.

Then message him the photo.

Then every time he buys more of the items message him the photo.

I do this. Object permanence. If i cant see it, i dont always remember i have it. Its common issue with adhd

My husband also does this with squash! And shampoo and tomato ketchup. He has a worry about running out of these three things in particular - I don’t get where it stems from. Agree it’s annoying but my approach now is, if we already have an open one and more than one spare when I go to put stuff away, I put it the extras into a bag on the kitchen side for the foodbank and drop it off when I next go past the collection point. He can see he’s bought too many, I don’t have to trip over them, the foodbank gets a useful donation.