DP and his deep set phobia of running out of bread. Just a thread to rant really

[CarrotSticks19]

DP has bought more squash. We have squash, its in the cupboard. We actually have loads of fucking squash because he keeps buying it. As soon as it goes in the cupboard he forgets it exists and buys more. How does he not know the squash is in the cupboard? I thought Id sorted this problem by letting him chose the squash cupboard, but no hes still buying squash.

He does this with toothpaste, constantly buying toothpaste. The bathroom cupboard is full of toothpastes he has bought, because he refuses to remember we have toothpaste unless he can physically see it.

Why? Why cant he remember thwse things are in the cupboard? Is it laziness? Its causing him more bother to constantly go to the shops to buy toothpaste.

The absolute worst though is the bread. every single time he goes shopping he buys more bread. He thought we needed bread because he hasnt bought any in a while. He actually bought some yesterday and theres already 4 loaves in the freezer and 4 in the bread bin. The worst bit about it is he doesnt even eat bread! Why does he have this deep down phobia of running out of a food he doesnt even eat?! Does it fucking matter if we run out of bread!

Anyone else have these small things that really annoy you? Ive tried dealing with the problem. The only solution is to keep the spare toothpaste/squash/bread on display so he remembers it exists, but fuck me Id really like it if he could learn how cupboards work so my table decoration doesnt have to be a tube of toothpaste!

I do this with food and clothes too. I think, as others have said, it stems from not having much in childhood and in early adulthood.
Also, I must not touch the things because they're in 'storage' - the food is not to be consumed and the clothes are not to be worn. Do others do this, too?

Childhood deprivation/hunger My self and siblings all have food hoarding issues, We rarely talk about our childhood but when we did we all shared identical traits and anxieties We hoard food dry and frozen, toothpaste and tooth brushes we also hoard toiletries like deodorant and soap!

I actually enjoy having a few spares of things, and we were able to distribute toilet paper to a few people caught short last March as we usually have a couple of 24 packs in, but he tends to buy things with no thought about whether we have room in the larder and freezer. He's sweet natured about it being diverted elsewhere luckily, and I'm zealous about not wasting anything so we work quite well together really.

Oh god I am like this with toilet roll. Nothing to do with Covid it’s a life long issue.

DH briefly had a similar thing with tinned tomatoes but he got over it when I hauled all 14 tins out and stacked them 😁

I’d be more annoyed at perishables though tins keep.

I do this with soy sauce!

Yes yes to toothpaste and tins of tomatoes too!

Has anyone tried to stop doing this?

My DH would happily go the other way, and only replace something when its run out. He doesn't see the point of the next one lined up. He always thinks everything will be available immediately to buy.

He wasn't in the UK in March 2020 though... he got back into the country straight into home quarantine where I had everything waiting. He didn't realise it took four different shops to get 2 weeks of food for four of us.

I'm a bit like this with certain things. I think it stems from living alone before DP and I moved in together, and waking up with flu one day. I'd been due to do the big shop after work, and was really low on even basics like milk. It was fine, and people were very helpful, but I felt awful asking people to swing by my plague pit. So we always have a glut of bread, milk and (I know this is a weird one) tinned soup, just in case.

Stuff like toothpaste and shower gel I tend to pick up when they are BOGOF in Boots, so there is always a couple of spares in the hall cupboard.

I am a very visual person and struggle when things are put away, if I do the food shop 'blind' I will buy more of something we already have 10 of, and forget something vital.

I try to make a shopping list of everything we need for the week. Then I go around and check whether I really need it or not, and cross out everything we already have.

This week I made a basket for an online supermarket, and then did this. My total went from £120 down to £45, so if I had not looked for myself I would have spend an extra £75 on things we already had.

But of course there are times I don't have time to do that, so I go shopping and I overestimate on some things. If I do this in person I might get some extra milk and bread but won't buy mountains of food because I can see then quantity with my own eyes, but if I do it with online shopping I can end up with much more food than we can ever eat or can fit in the cupboards. I really struggle with this with groceries for some reason.

It sounds like an OCD condition, or maybe think that bread and squash are the absolute essentials for keeping healthy.. Would be awful though, if you had to keep throwing bread away, as with having too much. (feed the birds)

I'm a bit like this with some foods, particularly milk.
Agree with those who have pointed to childhood deprivation.
to fellow posters who were hungry children.

I dont think he has ADHD (I suspect i have aDHD and have always been jealous of his calm, unchaotic approach to life). And he didnt have a deprived childhood in terms of food or stuff. Maybe a bit of a cold childhood

He also does a thing where will leave like the bottom 1/5 or so of a bottle and open a new one.

With the bread I really dont know. He doesnt eat bread! I am quite forgetful so do think its good practice to have a spare or two lined up, but theres a spare tube of toothpaste and then theres 10 spares and no space to put the ever growing pile of spares!

If he doesn’t eat bread he must not buy bread. Hard and fast rule.

Toothpaste I wouldn’t worry too much. As others say, food bank is always grateful for toiletries.

The shopping list app is really useful, though.

He thought we needed bread because he hasnt bought any in a while. He actually bought some yesterday and theres already 4 loaves in the freezer and 4 in the bread bin. The worst bit about it is he doesnt even eat bread!

Sorry but this made me actually LoL. I must admit I’ve done it a few times where I think “oh yes we’ve run out of xyz” - usually something I don’t buy often like soya sauce or ketchup - and remind myself to buy it. Buy the reminder sticks even after I’ve bought it and I remind myself the next 2-3 times I do a shop to get it!

But the reminder sticks

FFs auto correct is so annoying!!

Or my fat fingered typing - one or the other.

This isn’t a small problem if you’re wasting food because it goes out of date. Would he be willing to have therapy?

DH has the same habit of shopping for a seige/The end of civilisation. Why buy one when you could buy A CASELOAD?

During a house move, I once found 7 packets of instant parsley sauce secreted by him in top cupboard, BBE dates going back 20 years. Unused and ancient. OK he likes parsley sauce; but NEVER EVER in our very long relationship have we ever eaten instant packet ps. We always make it fresh, with real raw parsley leaves, milk, cream.

RIGHT NOW we are tussling over 12 packs of identical horrible socks, acquired by him "because they were so cheap it would be silly not to" while buying underpants online. IOW the vendor flashed up an irresistible bargain and DH fell for it hook line and sinker. Even though he is very fussy about socks (pure wool only, with proper heel and toe) and would never dream of wearing these crap polyester tubes. SO, he is planning to give them to our sons as Christmas gifts. The sons are all sports enthusiasts who like specialist socks and can afford to buy them.

DH cannot understand why a multipack of synthetic shapeless tube socks for Christmas is just tight, mean. I just KNOW that when he gives them, he won't resist telling the recipients how incredibly cheap they were (as if they won't guess, and as if that makes crap reject socks suddenly desirable).

Don't even start me on his stocks of laundry liquid and toilet paper. At least we'll be able to use them, if we live long enough.

Sounds like a object permanence issue. Two of my DC and my DH with ADHD all have this, but so does my DM who does not have ADHD. I also have two DC with ADHD who don't have the issue.

Anyway, that aside, it means if they can't see it it doesn't exist. They can't store things cupboards or closed boxes, because they end up with multiple repeat purchases. If you're going to stop him doing it, you need to change how things are stored. Sorry.

Scooping up bargains is a different issue. You know you're doing that and why.

Yeah. DH does this. Mainly with bleach. Also shower gel. He's obsessed. But with everything because he never ever checks and he never ever remembers having just bought it. We once had dishwasher liquid (the stuff you only need a tiny squirt of) to last about 150 years. I don't actually know where that went. I think it probably expired and he got rid of it. Might as well just throw our money away.

RIGHT NOW we are tussling over 12 packs of identical horrible socks, acquired by him "because they were so cheap it would be silly not to" while buying underpants online. IOW the vendor flashed up an irresistible bargain and DH fell for it hook line and sinker. Even though he is very fussy about socks (pure wool only, with proper heel and toe) and would never dream of wearing these crap polyester tubes. SO, he is planning to give them to our sons as Christmas gifts. The sons are all sports enthusiasts who like specialist socks and can afford to buy them.

Homeless place near you. They always need socks.

Would it help him if you talked through with him what would be the consequences if you did run out?

Lots of supermarkets are open 24hrs or from very early to very late, so if you did run out the worst is you'll have one tooth clean with water only (or use baking soda?) until you can get more. Or cereal for breakfast instead of toast. Or drink of water instead of squash. No one will die, or be hugely inconvenienced if there's not an immediate replacement.

@Bessiebigpants

Childhood deprivation/hunger My self and siblings all have food hoarding issues, We rarely talk about our childhood but when we did we all shared identical traits and anxieties We hoard food dry and frozen, toothpaste and tooth brushes we also hoard toiletries like deodorant and soap!

This was my thought too. My mum is just the same because of growing up poor at a child and then struggling financially when she first married my dad.

She buys more food that she can keep in their kitchen and it's now stored in cupboards in the lounge & bedroom too. It's sad but there's nothing I can do to persuade her that it's not necessary.

It's annoying if it's constant but I've been guilty of buying yet more bacon (or whatever) when the freezer already had 5 packs a few times.

Maybe decide on a set number of spares you'll have in the house (e.g. 2 toothpastes, 2 breads etc).

Then have a paper on the fridge where it gets recorded whenever a bread or toothpastes is finished. If he's off to the shop he's only to buy extras if he's checked the paper for how many to buy. When he comes back from the shops the list gets restarted.