I can’t get out of bed, can anyone chat a bit

[Sadsaf11r]

I’m not in a good place, I’m really sad. I can’t move from bed and the longer I’m here the worse I feel. I feel like I’m waiting to die, there’s nothing left for me in life. Can anyone chat? How do I make myself move, I feel paralysed

Ah that sounds rubbish!
What's happening today? Do you need to get anything done?

@TheQueef no I don’t have any plans. I’m very lonely. My house is a tip, rubbish everywhere. All friends are busy with their families. The silence in the house is so hard.

How's your physical health?
Would getting some fresh air help?
It's hard sometimes when others are busy with stuff it can highlight what we think is missing in our lives.

@TheQueef I am ok I could go out I just don’t know where. It’s so lonely. It all feels so pointless, wandering round alone. I feel so sad.

I am that person frequently when life gets too much. The first step is just a tiny one, get something cosy on and make yourself a cuppa to take back ti bed with a piece of paper and pen. Then maybe a list of 3 simple things to achieve for the day which could be get showered, do some colouring in, eat lunch. Hugs to you xxx

Hello. I’m alone in a messy, cluttered, dirty flat.

I need to get out of bed too.

My current plan: go to loo, then kettle on for black coffee, plus a big glass of water. I will bring my beverages back to bed.

Do you think you could do something as mundane as that with me?

Can you play a favourite song on your phone? A cheesy upbeat one?
Get up and go to the bathroom, maybe see if you can pick up a bit of rubbish on the way and set a timer for just 1 minute?
Break things down into manageable chunks, then life isn't so overwhelming

Even a purposeful stomp around the block will help break the day up.
I would treat yourself to a march down the Co-op (or whatever local you have) and a multipack of flakes.
It's so hard when the day/ days just stretch out with nothing to look forward to.
Can you tag on to any family stuff going on?

Morning!
What do you have to do in the house to make it look tidier and cleaner?
How about a little to do list for the day and if you can’t face it just yet set yourself a time, maybe 1pm and whatever isn’t done by 2pm can be left for tomorrow’s to do list and you can go back to bed if you need to.
What are you having to eat today?
Do you have a tv in your room?
Sorry for the interrogation 🤣

I always feel much better after a shower and some fresh pj’s or slouchy clothes.

I know it can be incredibly hard to make the step to get into the shower, but when I do, I’m always kicking myself that I feel so much better so rapidly and I could have done it sooner.

Morning
Do a little to do list for each week.

I definitely agree with putting the radio on.
And then have a shower and put some comfy clothes on.

That’s all for now.

If you're stuck with your thoughts perhaps try to swerve them to comforting nice thoughts. I sometimes calm myself remembering my infant school classroom in detail or what I' do with a lottery win. Sometimes I imagine I'm famous and being interviewed by someone like Graham Norton

It doesn't help today but is there something you could look at planning for Sunday mornings moving forward? That would get you up and out so when that's done you have ticked the 'done something' box? Do you have a local Parkrun you could volunteer at?
And don't be so sure all your friends are busy with their families. I would have happily incorporated a friend into my day, especially when the dc were little.

is your bed comfortable and warm? Can you think about saying thankyou for those two things?

When it is overwhelming. (bloody messy flat) I try to focus on a little target. eg putting five pieces of rubbish in the bin. (or three if three that is all that is attainable.)

make sure you eat something. sod healthy. start with something. increasing your blood sugar will help. once you have done that you can think about eating something more longer lasting filling you up wise.

Slow and steady. you have got this.

(If it is PMS making it worse, it will feel better in a few days. I really do not miss those days when life was hell the day before or so a period)

@VirgilStarkwell

Hello. I’m alone in a messy, cluttered, dirty flat.

I need to get out of bed too.

My current plan: go to loo, then kettle on for black coffee, plus a big glass of water. I will bring my beverages back to bed.

Do you think you could do something as mundane as that with me?

@VirgilStarkwell thanks. I’ve got a tea and back in bed. Every moment feels so hard and things feel so bleak.

@PastMyBestBeforeDate

It doesn't help today but is there something you could look at planning for Sunday mornings moving forward? That would get you up and out so when that's done you have ticked the 'done something' box? Do you have a local Parkrun you could volunteer at? And don't be so sure all your friends are busy with their families. I would have happily incorporated a friend into my day, especially when the dc were little.

@PastMyBestBeforeDate I’m just not sure what I would do? I don’t really know many people round here, I’m in a bit of a commuter area and it’s very city-style so not much community. My friends are all over the place and I would happily drive to them but I often feel like I’m intruding on family time. They will be out for walks or lunches etc and i feel out of place tagging along. I’m so scared about the future, this has been going on for months now and I can’t shake it.

@Giveemtheoldrazzledazzle

Morning! What do you have to do in the house to make it look tidier and cleaner? How about a little to do list for the day and if you can’t face it just yet set yourself a time, maybe 1pm and whatever isn’t done by 2pm can be left for tomorrow’s to do list and you can go back to bed if you need to. What are you having to eat today? Do you have a tv in your room? Sorry for the interrogation 🤣

@Giveemtheoldrazzledazzle I’m embarrassed to say really. It’s dirty. Food left lying around. Not hoovered for ages. Boxes everywhere.

I have a job that has huge responsibility and paid well and I feel physically sick/terrified that I am in some kind of movie or experiment that I’m not aware of. How my professional life looks compared to how I am is scary. I’m starting to worry now that my colleagues know too that I’m in this state.

@TheQueef

Even a purposeful stomp around the block will help break the day up. I would treat yourself to a march down the Co-op (or whatever local you have) and a multipack of flakes. It's so hard when the day/ days just stretch out with nothing to look forward to. Can you tag on to any family stuff going on?

@TheQueef flake comment made me smile. I do have family who would meet me today but I feel overwhelmed by it as I will get upset, not cope and then have the added guilt that they’ve had a shit day too. If I met my mum for instance, I would probably cry and complain and be sad for an hour which would be shit for her and for me.

I’m glad you got your cup of tea.

Are you suffering from a bit of burn out with your job? I wonder if a chat with your GP might be a good idea.

@Talith I do this! I usually plan my come dine with me menu or make a list of useful things I could buy with £10 to donate to the Foodbank. It helps if I can’t sleep!

I hope you feel better for the support you are getting today Op, life can be tough and small wins should be celebrated, so talk to yourself kindly when you manage something, how minor.

@Sadsaf11r that’s ok, it’s nothing that’s not workable.
The job sounds stressful! And with regards to them knowing, well if they do they do! I can relate to that feeling so bloody much and I’ve accepted that it’s probably my mind playing tricks on me but if not then there’s not really anything I can do about it!
How about a small bit at a time on a to do list?
Maybe a small area, or just something like “food in bin” one day and “hoover room 1” one day “hoover room 2” another day?
Maybe after each days task force yourself to wash, a shower would be ideal but if you can’t face that then just a freshen up in pits and bits and brush teeth and then back to bed with something to eat, bugger cooking, that creates another few jobs with the cleaning up afterwards too!
I’d even consider ordering takeaway to have in bed with tv on if you can afford it.
When I’m struggling I sometimes cook ahead and freeze on days that I’m feeling good so it’s there for the hard days.
Do you want to go out or do you feel like you should go out?

@VirgilStarkwell

I’m glad you got your cup of tea.

Are you suffering from a bit of burn out with your job? I wonder if a chat with your GP might be a good idea.

@VirgilStarkwell I don’t enjoy work like I used to. I hate being single and don’t have energy to meet anyone anymore. Had my heart shattered over summer. Feel too old to settle down now. I’m the only one I know of my age who is single (apart from acquaintances or people I hear about through friends). It’s so isolating.

[quote Giveemtheoldrazzledazzle]@Sadsaf11r that’s ok, it’s nothing that’s not workable.
The job sounds stressful! And with regards to them knowing, well if they do they do! I can relate to that feeling so bloody much and I’ve accepted that it’s probably my mind playing tricks on me but if not then there’s not really anything I can do about it!
How about a small bit at a time on a to do list?
Maybe a small area, or just something like “food in bin” one day and “hoover room 1” one day “hoover room 2” another day?
Maybe after each days task force yourself to wash, a shower would be ideal but if you can’t face that then just a freshen up in pits and bits and brush teeth and then back to bed with something to eat, bugger cooking, that creates another few jobs with the cleaning up afterwards too!
I’d even consider ordering takeaway to have in bed with tv on if you can afford it.
When I’m struggling I sometimes cook ahead and freeze on days that I’m feeling good so it’s there for the hard days.
Do you want to go out or do you feel like you should go out?[/quote]
@Giveemtheoldrazzledazzle thank you so much. Getting things in order is a good idea for days like this.

The tidying and washing feels so pointless as people rarely see the house and I rarely see anyone these days. Maybe once a week.

My relationship ended in summer (only two year one) but I feel so washed up and old and past it now. In summer I thought we would share a wonderful winter together and it all came crashing down. I can be quite a bubbly and happy person with a lot of interest in things but when you’re alone this much it is terrifying how pointless things can seem. I would love to go out today but last time I went for a walk alone I was in tears for most of it. I just wanted to share it with someone.

I’m also increasingly having horrible fears about death and thinking that’s going to happen. No idea where that’s come from as I’ve never had it before.

Just know you're not alone OP, there are other people out there feeling similarly shit and alone and overwhelmed - like you, they don't broadcast it, so you'd never know (which is sad really, because sometimes that empathy can really help).

There isn't one answer, but there are things that can make you feel better:

You could give yourself a day in bed to recharge without feeling guilty about the mess.

You could make a list of the jobs you have to do and work through it.

When I'm feeling lonely, I also like to watch ASMR videos on YouTube, especially the personal attention ones.

Do go and stretch your legs if you can.