I can’t get out of bed, can anyone chat a bit

[Sadsaf11r]

I’m not in a good place, I’m really sad. I can’t move from bed and the longer I’m here the worse I feel. I feel like I’m waiting to die, there’s nothing left for me in life. Can anyone chat? How do I make myself move, I feel paralysed

Hi, how long have you been feeling like this? And is it on and off or almost all the time? You sound depressed and should see your GP if its been going on for a while, antidepressants can really help.

On the what to do now, then agree get out for a little walk, do some chores, not loads if it feels like a mammoth task, pick a small one like the dishes or the food waste (bin bag, get rid of it all). Then another sit down with a cuppa. Tell yourself tomorrow might be better.
Small steps.
Best wishes

The tidying and washing feels so pointless as people rarely see the house and I rarely see anyone these days. Maybe once a week.

But you see it so do it for you, and it's more important that you like it than other people think seeing it.
A tidy room really does help the mind. Don't tidy the whole place, just a small area. Is your bedroom messy? If so, after having your tea, or even whilst drinking it start tidying it.

Perhaps it will help to remember when you do manage to go out, be it walk in park, coffee in a cafe (or pub) more than likely there will be someone feeling very like you do right now.

That is the value of small talk and the reason why Samartins say 'small talk saves lives'.

Try to approach one person and ask 'how is your day going?. and then listen. Listen well.

Because that person may not have been listened to all day, or even for weeks.

Sometimes that hauls me out of the horrible space that is depression for me.

As far as the housework goes. Yes, three things.

No doubt at all that having a tidy place which is reasonably clean helps your mental health. Try to do a few things and then evisage a better living space.

Just doing one simple thing will make you feel better... even if the thought of it is pointless.. go and make yourself a cuppa and a biscuit and put some crappy tv on.. do you have a garden? Sit in the garden with a cuppa and listen to birds tweeting.. dont think about it just do it.. as id you think too much you wont do it but once you're doing it you might enjoy it... xx

OP I am going to give you one thing to do today. Do an econsult to your GP. Explain how you feel. They will call you back tomorrow and then that will start the process of being OK. Today will be the first step towards getting better.

Bless you, it’s such an exhausting place to be.

I never mind anyone popping in or joining us at a weekend, and I’m sure your family and friends would feel the same. You may not have the time of your life, but spending time with others passes the day more quickly.
Not sure how your finances are, but could you investigate getting a cleaner in, or someone who specialises in a deep clean and declutter?

@cafenoirbiscuit

Bless you, it’s such an exhausting place to be. I never mind anyone popping in or joining us at a weekend, and I’m sure your family and friends would feel the same. You may not have the time of your life, but spending time with others passes the day more quickly. Not sure how your finances are, but could you investigate getting a cleaner in, or someone who specialises in a deep clean and declutter?

@cafenoirbiscuit I could get a cleaner I didn’t think of that. It all feels quite hopeless. I feel like everything is terrible and I will never find love or companionship

Hello. I've just read your post and I do hope you are OK.

Why don't you ring a family member and tell them how you are feeling? It's ok if you get upset - I am sure they will understand.

Maybe suggest going for a nice walk or something.

Sending love and best wishes to you xx

Hi,

My brother could have written your posts a few weeks ago. We've been helping him through a down spell and he too has had terrible thoughts of dying as well as feeling like life will never get better.
This sounds like depression, please please chat to your family and your GP and get some help with this. My brother has started some medication and is beginning to come out of the depression. He is not a burden and we want to help him, I imagine your family do too.

@longtompot

The tidying and washing feels so pointless as people rarely see the house and I rarely see anyone these days. Maybe once a week.

But you see it so do it for you, and it's more important that you like it than other people think seeing it.
A tidy room really does help the mind. Don't tidy the whole place, just a small area. Is your bedroom messy? If so, after having your tea, or even whilst drinking it start tidying it.

I agree and relate to this so much.

I've often not done things because others won't see or know but realised if o do them for me, I'm happier with my environment and myself and then I feel more confident in inviting people round or being around others.

It's horrid when you hit that despairing point but as others have said just small steps and lists without pressure can really help.

One thing that worked for me.
Write down your even seemingly insignificant things and tick them off.
So using @Butterflymosaic’s list for example:

• get showered, do some colouring in, eat lunch

Put them in a notebook, then cross them off when you’ve done them

Doing this for even basic things is an achievement. And writing them down helps show you what you’ve achieved, when often you think you’ve done nothing.

Also, I wouldn’t not speak to your Mum for fear of upsetting her. I think your friends and family would want to know how you’re feeling and be there to help, even if you getting upset was upsetting for them too.

Sending you hugs Op.

Hi!

I haven’t read all your posts but I just want to say ‘me too’.

Today is my brothers birthday. No big deal, except I recently came to discover (through hypnotherapy) that he abused me as a child. I didn’t realise today was impacting me until it is now 1.15 and I’ve been asleep all morning.

I’m going to shower and get dressed. If I get back in bed that’s fine. But I deserve to shower with my lovely shower gel, and to wear all my lovely clothes (even if it’s clean pjs) more than that dickhead deserves space in my brain

Much love x

This was me a few years ago OP. I really feel for you. I know it's the last thing in the world you want to do, but try to go outside. Go to the local shop and get a meal deal for your lunch and some chocolate. That way there's a bit of purpose to it. Also avoids the need to prepare anything.

As for the flat, I agree with the tidy up 3 things policy. Or clear a hole on the sofa and at least move there from the bed.

Tomorrow make an appointment with your GP.

I used to find it useful to think of this part of my life as the "montage bit" of the film of my life story. The bit before they set up the happy ending.

I'm sorry your feeling this way but I'm going to be blunt. You don't feel worthy as your not in a relationship? Just do the things you want to do, go for a walk, cycle, shopping, see a film, museum. Go for a weekend away. You don't need people to do stuff. Take up a hobby you can do inside, craft, knit, colouring, diamond painting, video games etc.

You have a lot off things that many people don't have, Family, Friends, a well paid job.

I know it can be lonely being on your own but don't let it stop you, do the things you want to do and you don't have to worry about pleasing others.

I'm alone, have no family, friends or job. Suffer with severe social anxiety and tried many times to make friends or relationship but I've given up as it is sole destroying, the sitting in silence not knowing what to say. I've accepted I can't be with people but force myself outside whether it's for a walk or cycle or just to local shop, or potter in garden Or if have a bad day stay inside and find a hobby. I could quite easily stay in bed and never get up and feel sorry for myself.

You are a lot better off then most people, you have a lot going for you but you don't need other people to be you.

I understand not wanting to drag your Mam down Saf I'm sure she wouldn't mind but it still feels to you like a burden.
Lyra just reminded me of my brother who would come and sit in my house when it was busy, years ago. He'd split from his family and really felt the silence. Nobody minded and it had advantages he didn't see (he was a tinkerer and fixer) not today but do keep the option you won't be imposing.

I agree with the others, if you haven't already mentioned this to the GP you should, see what's available to help.

I'm very untidy and hate cleaning so they are the first things to stop when my mood drops.
I try and bargain with myself, I mentally list nine horrible jobs I'm definitely not doing i.e. Not cleaning the bog. Not putting washing away. Not hoovering stairs. And then one tiny job I will do. Maybe fill a carrier with rubbish or get the litter trays done. When it's all your responsibility it's just one long chore.
I always reward myself too. Even the smallest achievement on these bad days.

Being in a depressing environment leads to a vicious circle. You don't need your home to be clean for visitors, you need it to be clean for you.

Getting a cleaner has honestly saved my sanity. And it helps me keep the place tidy. The fact that she's coming to clean means that a) the house will look so nice that I want it to stay that way, and b) she needs it to be reasonably tidy in order to actually clean. And I'm so much more relaxed for being in a clean and tidy house.

If you book someone for a few hours to do the initial 'bigger' job, then after that a maintenance visit once every week or two will keep it under control. In my experience, cleaners are very non-judgy. I have two elderly relatives whose homes are chaotic, but we got cleaners for them, and it's really helped. Even when they came in the first time when there was so much to do, they were not at all fazed by the job they needed to do. One of them actually said to me "I love jobs like this because I can leave feeling that I've really made a difference to a house and to the person. Being a cleaner at an already clean and tidy house is boring and I don't get any sense of fulfillment"

If you have no problems with being with people, look at meet up and find an activity in your area. This is not a dating app and there will be something going on somewhere.

Getting things in order is a good idea for days like this.

Do you feel like giving it a go today with our help? itsgettingwierd is right, do it for you not for anyone else. You deserve to have a home you feel comfortable in.

Have you heard of the pomodoro method? It's great for getting started on things if you are feeling overwhelmed. Set a timer for 25 mins and just dive in without thinking. Maybe start with the kitchen. Just do what you can in 25 mins then take a break for 10 mins and come back and tell us what you have been up and read messages, then set another 25 min timer and do the same again. You could write a list of things to do in the kitchen as your first task, ticking things off always boosts my mood

It sounds like your finances are okay. Plan something for you when you finish the kitchen. Take a walk to the shops and buy a bouquet of flowers for your lovely, sparkling kitchen or treat yourself to a takeaway this evening or plan an evening of pampering so you are as fresh and lovely as your kitchen to start the week. If you feel like splashing out, there a lots of robot hoovers on offer in pre Black Friday deals. That will tick off one regular task!

You say you have lots of boxes of stuff. Do you have a spare room? If you don't have the mindspace to deal with sorting/unpacking them, it can help to put them all together in one room so you can deal with everything else first. Energise yourself by getting as much done elsewhere first before you tackle them. Just don't fall into the trap of of out of sight, out of mind!

Ah I take on board the lack of community feel but there may well be something out there. Local to us I know there are various fitness things on a weekend morning, someone had a huge response to setting up a walking group for singles or anyone who wanted company. And the ubiquitous Parkrun. I know someone who volunteers rather than runs due to injury.
But based on your further posts it does sound like it's running deeper than it initially sounded. So you might need some help to get on top of your anxious or depressed feelings before you tackle the practical stuff.
I also agree with a pp about making your home nice for you. I know when I split with my xh years ago in my 20s, I spent a long time entirely redecorating and choosing furniture and making it into my sanctuary.

@MusingOnStarlight how did you find that out through hypnotherapy? Just interested. Hope you are ok.

I had a period where I felt like you are every day was such a struggle but I’d go to work and manage then when I was home it was like I was a totally different person I found everything so overwhelming and pointless
I started writing down how I felt and then making a list of things I wanted to do even the smallest things like washing my hair then when I’d done it I’d tick it off gradually the list got longer and I’d do one more thing every few days.Over time once I started say cleaning the kitchen I’d just carry on and sort a cupboard out or clean another room and I’d put music or a podcast on.
I still write a list every week of things to do and I find it really helps.I make sure I go for a walk every day sometimes it might be just a short walk but just getting out helps
There are some great ideas on the thread and I hope you soon start to feel brighter

I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. Life is very challenging at the moment. Can you find a club locally that would give you a change of scene and people to talk to.
If you have a good job could you reach out to a cleaner and pay for help to get your home tidy and an enjoyable place to relax in.
Once you’ve done this you can then invite people to visit you.
I really hope you feel a lot better very soon.

@Sadsaf11r I understand, it’s bloody hard.
It sounds like there a a few different things that have all got on top of you but it can be better!
I’m sorry your relationship ended when you were looking forward to the future.
You have a family, at least a mum as you said and some friends and that’s great!
I think when things feel heavy we isolate ourselves but I’m sure your people would love to spend some time with you!
I get the feeling of what’s the point when you’re at home on your own but there is such a point, in fact, how lucky to be able to have it however you want and all for you! Maybe that’s just my point of view though as I am very solitary!
Imagine how good you’ll feel when you’ve spent some time (days, weeks even) getting it all how you want it but by bit and then an evening in your lounge with the heating on, candles, favourite movie, favourite food and snuggled up on the sofa with the curtains/blind drawn with a nice cosy blanket on the sofa!
Do you listen to music allot? It can make walks less lonely! You could make a walking playlist of all of your favourite songs and wrap up and put your headphones in, I love walking along the beach on my own, a good 3 hour walk and no matter how I feel before I always feel a bit better afterwards.
I’d go for a walk with you if you lived close to me!
Sometimes I don’t want to see anyone who knows me so I get the train to somewhere different and go for a walk somewhere else and winter is perfect for that, Willy hat and scarf and a face mask and no one will recognise you if you don’t say hello 🤣
Are you still in bed?
I’ve made it to the kitchen to do brunch and am now sat on the sofa but I have washing up I need to do and I know I have to get it done and I have to clean the floors as I’ve left it too long and then I WILL have a shower later on.
It’s bloody hard when you struggle to even want to get out of bed and wish it would be night again already so you can sleep but we have to keep on, the only other option is to give up and that can’t happen!

There were so many typos there but particularly Willy hat it was supposed to be woolly hat, I don’t have a phallic shaped hat 🤣

I'm the same. My go to is clean one thing eg put some food in the bin. Get a jigsaw puzzle and try for 5 mins. Usually I'm then stuck on jigsaw but it's so therapeutic for me