So so so tired of the constant battering from my ex and his wife

[Grainofsand]

I’m a shit mother
Any issue with the DC is due to issues in my house
When I didn’t work I was lazy. When I worked part time I wasn’t working enough, now I work full time I’m a shit parent
They spend all their time sorting out issues from my house
I don’t feed, clothe or wash them enough or to their standards (they are teenagers and one pre teen) example: I give them dinner money and if they spend their budget they have to take packed lunch (I don’t have the money for them to spend £4/5 a day at school each)
I cause drama and lie for attention (kids had positive lateral flows and I kept them home whilst waiting for PCRs, PCRs were negative so I must have lied/faked the lateral flows?!)

I feel battered and tired and I don’t know how much longer I can do this for. I work over 40hrs a week, I’m single and have no support. They earn god knows how much money between them.

I’ve just received another essay from the pair of them telling me again how shit and useless I am.

Their opinion of you does not matter. Repeat this many times.
Are your kids alive? Does school have any issues with them? Teens are teens, probably annoying their dad, wife wants to stick her nose in as a bonding thing with your ex. Bet she doesn't have kids of her own luke Supernanny! Ignore and do as you like.

UhOhOops and others - I hadn't realised that about mediation but now I think on it, it makes sense. Thanks for clarifying that

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Can I warn you to be very cautious about approaching the SM's workplace? It's very unlikely some one would lose their job over alleged harrassment of their husband's ex. Especially if the harrassment amounted to unfair nagging over alleged poor parenting (i.e. not actual threats). It would be a massive escalation and could be used against you, especially if she was given the benefit of the doubt that her allegations were reasonable and she was trying to protect DC from neglect and you responded by trying to get her fired.

If they are gunning for full custody so they can claim maintenance (as some here have intimated) it could really blow up in your face.

How are the DC with him? It sounds like they are reaching an age where they will choose where they spend their time and may start to wind things down with their dad if he's a bully.

I use Our Family Wizard to communicate with my abusive ex.
It's brilliant. I used to receive all sorts of abuse via email but don't anymore. It's worth every penny.
Courts approve of this channel of communication so there's no accusation of not co-parenting effectively.
If there's any nonsense you can use it as legal evidence.
I've now got a restraining order. The silence is wonderful!
Don't communicate with your ex unless it's an emergency. Don't go to them for parenting advice, they have no desire to help you.

I have similar issues, although things have died down over the years. I've found the word "noted" does wonders, as does never asking for help (although the fact is that when I do ask for help it gets thrown in my face so I have stopped).

@beigebrownblue

Oh for goodness sake, can we have a bit more education on here regarding domestic abuse and coercive control?

Moderator?

What are you suggesting might be the only answer?

I think there has been some good advice on here, and some bad advice. I personally think that anything that encourages further communication or comment is bad advice.

"Thanks", or "noted" are suitable responses.

I also think that 'blocking' is bad advice, as you need to be able to communicate with the father of your children in case something arises that genuinely requires input from or discussion between both parents.

I disagree that there is always a financial motive. Some people are just twats.

I also disagree about the advisability of reporting the woman to her employer. This is precisely the sort of thing that escalates existing problems. It seems more sensible to me to take all the drama out of it altogether.

@beigebrownblue, there are lots of people posting here who have experience of abuse and coercive control (myself included). Yours may be one way to deal with it, but it doesn't mean it's the only or right way for everyone.

My ex and his new wife used to do this to me. Always by email. Eventually I answered every single email the same way.

'Thank you for you email, your comments are duly noted'. Every. Single. Time. They got bored after about 3 weeks.