So so so tired of the constant battering from my ex and his wife

[Grainofsand]

I’m a shit mother
Any issue with the DC is due to issues in my house
When I didn’t work I was lazy. When I worked part time I wasn’t working enough, now I work full time I’m a shit parent
They spend all their time sorting out issues from my house
I don’t feed, clothe or wash them enough or to their standards (they are teenagers and one pre teen) example: I give them dinner money and if they spend their budget they have to take packed lunch (I don’t have the money for them to spend £4/5 a day at school each)
I cause drama and lie for attention (kids had positive lateral flows and I kept them home whilst waiting for PCRs, PCRs were negative so I must have lied/faked the lateral flows?!)

I feel battered and tired and I don’t know how much longer I can do this for. I work over 40hrs a week, I’m single and have no support. They earn god knows how much money between them.

I’ve just received another essay from the pair of them telling me again how shit and useless I am.

If I block them and tell them to email instead then I can’t stand the truth and I’m causing drama

If dc are teens then tbh you don’t really have to communicate with your ex at all. Let them say what they want, stop listening.

What do the dc say?

Grey rock.

It’s the only answer. Sorry. Posted too soon

Tell him to get to fuck.

@Grainofsand

If I block them and tell them to email instead then I can’t stand the truth and I’m causing drama

Who cares what they think seriously how long has this been going on?

@Grainofsand

If I block them and tell them to email instead then I can’t stand the truth and I’m causing drama

Honestly though, do you care what they think?

You shouldn't. Who gives a shit if they think your a shit parent. You know you're not, your kids know you're not.

I would relegate them to email or a spare phone and simply state that there is no need for any communication other than about anything urgent regarding the children.

@Grainofsand

“Fuck off” - this would be met “see you’re crazy/mental/can’t accept criticism”. And I’d be told off for bad language!

You need to stop responding completely. It takes 2 to make an argument - if you stop engaging, they’ll have no one to argue with. Honestly, block his wife’s number, only respond to messages about necessary arrangements with one word responses. I did this with my ex, he was furious for a while but then got the message,

Just block them. Stop being a martyr and allowing them to tear apart what little self esteem you have left. Your kids sound old enough to manage the contact between themselves and their father, let them crack on I say.

Ridiculous behaviour by two grown adults. Just block them. For your own sanity.

@Grainofsand

If I block them and tell them to email instead then I can’t stand the truth and I’m causing drama

So what if that they're response. So what if they text. So what if they email. Who cares what they think and say. Keep repeating that to yourself. Who cares. BECAUSE YOU DONT!

Ignore. Just respond to the specific and reasonable comments about the dc. So several paragraphs of your faults get ignored, but the one line within that wall of text that says 'This week I can't take Sam to football on Saturday' is the ONLY thing you respond to: 'Thank you for letting me know about Sams football, I am happy to take him this Sunday.'

And ignore everything else. (Or respond with a 👍!)

It really sounds awful & like you need to go n/c with these people. Can you use a mediator for discussion re: the kids? So they can't just lay into you.
There are apps you can get for arranging contact.
Tell them - with an impartial third party present- that you won't stand for they'd bullying anyone longer.
Good luck

You just need to block.

Tell them that the children are now old enough to manage themselves and to decide on how things work and you no longer feel the need to have contact.

I think I'd just have to reply to every message with 'ok' otherwise I'd lose it!

I would send them the link to this thread and say "THIS is the reason I am now blocking you.

@ChorleyFMcominginyourears

I think I'd just have to reply to every message with 'ok' otherwise I'd lose it!

That's just playing into their hands massively?!?!? Shows you're reading them and not denying the accusations! Like pouring fuel on an already raging fire!

Yeah you need to grey rock.

Emails only from now on and block them on your phone or reply to all messages with a thumbs up emoji

Basically stop responding. Let them rant away at the empty space of your email address and you just don't even bother reading it.

I'm struggling as to why you let them communicate to you in the first place. Is this over email or phone? Can you limit discussion only about drop off and pickup? Don't engage on anything from them unless it's to do with drop off and pick up. Keep all school uniform at your place. Buy second spares. Your ex should have provisions. When you receive an email or text, quick scan then delete unless it's about arrangements to bring them home. You have power here to control how much communication to read!

Just delete and don't respond. And start living your life.

@Grainofsand

If I block them and tell them to email instead then I can’t stand the truth and I’m causing drama

So they have an answer for everything. It’s not your problem. Don’t let them make it your problem. I seriously doubt they actually even believe what they are saying to you. Ignore them. Continue to do your best by your DC’s.

What can happen if you ignore them? Nothing. They aren't your boss or your keeper.. Tell the dc that for your mh you won't be communicating with their df or in future. At teen years they med tl be organised and remember own stuff to take to his house etc.. Once my youngest was 9 I stopped all contact with ex. I am here to tell the tale!! Oh and dc(at 12 and 14) went nc with ex for basically being a cunt!!

You’re doing a great job, by the sounds of it under adversity

Seems the two of them have enough time & energy to write an essay on what they think should be happening at your end, what you do at your end is not their concern - they are not your boss

As others have said stone wall then.

Limit contact to absolutely the minimum possible

Then print out the essay and tear it into tiny weenie pieces….

It’s worthless tripe so treat it that way

Lifcthey mention the essay, ig not had chance to sit and read it yet I’ve jyst skim read it but when I do I’ll let you know what I think

What do you reply? Just ignore it all. The idea of pay as you go phone is a good idea.

You have all of my sympathies.

I pity them that they have brought you in to their relationship; their need for a common enemy. Is that the basis of their relationship.

I think replying "ok" to all their accusations or not replying at all is a step in the right direction. My x hasnt re-cast the role of enemy though, in the 14 years since i left, im still his number one enemy 🤔🙄

It doesn't matter if she works with kids. Plenty of mad and bad people have all sorts of jobs.

My guess is they both have abusive and bullying tendencies and found each other, and made you the common external target.

As others have said, grey rock, ignore, keep parenting your kids, ignore, keep general evidence of your parenting, ignore, keep engaging with the school, ignore, love your kids, ignore. Respond only where a response is essential, and only to the essential parts. Keep it brief, factual, unemotional and write as though a judge is reading.

Without you to bully and abuse, they'll find someone else to torment - probably each other.

Count down to 18, one day you can delete their numbers and block them. 🎉🎉🎉

They’re bullying you. And it sounds hard. I have a friend who had something similar and what worked was saying ‘I’m not communicating with you anymore except via email’ then the friend grey rocking when the emails are received. Examples include ‘thanks, have a good week’ and ‘thanks , have a nice evening’ her favourite which is ‘ok, thanks, see you at pickup’

Tbh they sound pretty unhappy and my guess is their half of the time with the kids isn’t smooth sailing and you’re easier to blame than each other