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Original poster

So so so tired of the constant battering from my ex and his wife

132 replies

Grainofsand · 13/11/2021 17:42

I’m a shit mother
Any issue with the DC is due to issues in my house
When I didn’t work I was lazy. When I worked part time I wasn’t working enough, now I work full time I’m a shit parent
They spend all their time sorting out issues from my house
I don’t feed, clothe or wash them enough or to their standards (they are teenagers and one pre teen) example: I give them dinner money and if they spend their budget they have to take packed lunch (I don’t have the money for them to spend £4/5 a day at school each)
I cause drama and lie for attention (kids had positive lateral flows and I kept them home whilst waiting for PCRs, PCRs were negative so I must have lied/faked the lateral flows?!)

I feel battered and tired and I don’t know how much longer I can do this for. I work over 40hrs a week, I’m single and have no support. They earn god knows how much money between them.

I’ve just received another essay from the pair of them telling me again how shit and useless I am.

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 13/11/2021 19:41

My ex was all kinds of horrible, but at least he didn't criticise my parenting and that is not because I was some paragon either.

What horrible people!

Summersdreaming · 13/11/2021 19:48

What a tedious relationship they have when they spend so much time discussing you. You are clearly the only thing they have to talk about.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 13/11/2021 19:58

Just DISENGAGE like a PP said.

Why do you care what they say to you? Block them on everything. If your kids are teenagers they can contact them themselves.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Relationship problems
ConsuelaHammock · 13/11/2021 19:59

Reply with this 😂 Every single time.
Or agree with them ! That will piss them off more than you disagreeing with them .

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 13/11/2021 19:59

You know, I watched an interview the other week with Megan Markle and the interviewer asked her how she copes with negative press and her simple answer was "I don't read that stuff".

It really is that simple.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 13/11/2021 20:00

lol at @ConsuelaHammock.

Or you could use the tried and tested mumsnet response - "I'm sorry you feel that way".

ConsuelaHammock · 13/11/2021 20:03

And you’re a great job. Parenting isn’t easy with a partner and you’re doing it all on your own. You’re stronger than you realise.

whathefuckhaveidone · 13/11/2021 20:03

Agreeing with everyone. don't give them what they are craving

AreYouRightThereSkippy · 13/11/2021 20:04

@Grainofsand

If I block them and tell them to email instead then I can’t stand the truth and I’m causing drama
So what if they think that?

They are clearly absolute wankers. I think you need to grey rock as suggested. They cannot do anything to you. They have no power over you and I bet you're doing a great job.

You mentioned they make a lot of money between them. Please don't let them make you think this makes them somehow better. Some of the shittest people I know make a tonne of money.

Please don't let them get to you. They aren't worth it. Nasty pair.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 13/11/2021 20:07

Just cut them off I don’t see any reason to be in contact with them when your kids are nearly teens

They only should need to contact you in an emergency tbh

Block them for sure and don’t engage further in any of this! Seriously it’s ridiculous they think they can do that

beigebrownblue · 13/11/2021 20:07

Yes, pp is right it does take time.
But your kids will thank you for it.

Ultimately it is about having peace and quiet in your house without conflict.

Everyone is entitled to peace of family life.

MauraandLaura · 13/11/2021 20:11

This is a really easy fix OP.

You block them.

You need to start changing your own behaviour here OP as you can't change theirs. They cause you drama and you feef back in to it.

Just block them other wise you will never get off this merry go round

DameFanny · 13/11/2021 20:13

"His wife is a professional who works with children so her word is gospel on child development."

And she's put her name to repeated attacks on you? Her professional accreditation body would be very interested in her bringing her profession into disrepute. Might be worth googling.

But what everyone said - please find your way to not accept anything they say as the truth. They're abusing you, and that's about them not you - healthy relationships aren't focused on third parties, and healthy parenting isn't looking at your own kids and finding faults to throw at someone else.

The Freedom Programme would be very good for you - start seeing the accusations as nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. And perhaps you can build up towards reporting their abuse.

And perhaps the DC are playing up more when they're there - because they'd rather be with you? You never know...

TheFormidableMrsC · 13/11/2021 20:19

@NobdieTheNob

"Triangulated".

There's a word for everything.

It's a thing with abuse. Believe me I know
TowandaForever · 13/11/2021 20:25

You're giving them what they want.

Stop engaging with them. Stop caring what they think.

Detach detach detach.

This feels awful now but your kids will be grown before you know it.

NobdieTheNob · 13/11/2021 20:27

I'm no stranger to abuse, sadly @TheFormidableMrsC

I just don't care for inventing names for it. I think that these invented names minimise the horror of abuse.

However, I also realise that I do not speak for everyone - or even anyone - who has been abused.

unsalted · 13/11/2021 20:29

That's awful of them and I'm sorry you're going through this. It must be exhausting. Do you have a support network at all? Sorry if I missed this in your posts, but it would be good to talk to people who know the real you and not the lies they're trying to make you believe.

Bananarama101 · 13/11/2021 20:30

50/50 doesn't mean no maintenance necessarily unless you agree it. If resident parent (in receipt of child maintenance) then can still claim even if 50%

WickedWitchOfTheTrent · 13/11/2021 20:33

Grey rock them, read up on how to do this

Unless they ask a direct question about the dc don't answer.

'You're a shit parent, you got them to school late, they are in their phones too much' there's not a question there so ignore.

Block all their numbers and keep one email address open to them, open this email once a month. Maybe ask a friend to read the emails, unless there is anything important, delete without responding.

Honestly, it's none of their business how you parent your kids as long as they are safe and secure.

Ignore, ignore, ignore. If they kick off because you're ignoring them. Ignore them more.

Unless it's a proper direct question, ignore them.

Larryyourwaiter · 13/11/2021 20:38

I’d get a separate phone for essential communication only. Only reply very basic, yes, no, okay 6pm etc… don’t read an email from them again.
If they ever mention it just say ‘yeah didn’t read it’. Keep going.

Kids will soon be old enough for almost no communication with them whatsoever.

Working in a school, with kids does not make an expert parent in anyways.

Northernsoullover · 13/11/2021 20:39

Reply to all the rants that are just abusing you with this 'noted 👍' don't forget the thumbs up emoji. Seriously. Then relax in the knowledge that they will be really pissed off by your lack of emotion.

JSL52 · 13/11/2021 20:47

@Grainofsand

If I block them and tell them to email instead then I can’t stand the truth and I’m causing drama
Just say 'fine. Email only please '
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 13/11/2021 20:49

Send any missive back marked unread and fuck off on it.
Nothing more needs to be said.

CliffsofMohair · 13/11/2021 20:50

@BruiserWoods

You have all of my sympathies.

I pity them that they have brought you in to their relationship; their need for a common enemy. Is that the basis of their relationship.

I think replying "ok" to all their accusations or not replying at all is a step in the right direction. My x hasnt re-cast the role of enemy though, in the 14 years since i left, im still his number one enemy 🤔🙄

Absolutely, it’s saying a lot about their own dynamic they they need the diversion of a common enemy.
beigebrownblue · 13/11/2021 20:52

@DameFanny

"His wife is a professional who works with children so her word is gospel on child development."

And she's put her name to repeated attacks on you? Her professional accreditation body would be very interested in her bringing her profession into disrepute. Might be worth googling.

But what everyone said - please find your way to not accept anything they say as the truth. They're abusing you, and that's about them not you - healthy relationships aren't focused on third parties, and healthy parenting isn't looking at your own kids and finding faults to throw at someone else.

The Freedom Programme would be very good for you - start seeing the accusations as nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. And perhaps you can build up towards reporting their abuse.

And perhaps the DC are playing up more when they're there - because they'd rather be with you? You never know...

This is a really good point. Personally I would email her workplace and let them know about her behaviour.

This is not acceptable in any shape or form.

I would email her workplace and speak to them on the phone. Let them know if she contacts you or harrasses you again via any route you will report her for harrassment.