So so so tired of the constant battering from my ex and his wife

[Grainofsand]

I’m a shit mother
Any issue with the DC is due to issues in my house
When I didn’t work I was lazy. When I worked part time I wasn’t working enough, now I work full time I’m a shit parent
They spend all their time sorting out issues from my house
I don’t feed, clothe or wash them enough or to their standards (they are teenagers and one pre teen) example: I give them dinner money and if they spend their budget they have to take packed lunch (I don’t have the money for them to spend £4/5 a day at school each)
I cause drama and lie for attention (kids had positive lateral flows and I kept them home whilst waiting for PCRs, PCRs were negative so I must have lied/faked the lateral flows?!)

I feel battered and tired and I don’t know how much longer I can do this for. I work over 40hrs a week, I’m single and have no support. They earn god knows how much money between them.

I’ve just received another essay from the pair of them telling me again how shit and useless I am.

@Grainofsand

If I block them and tell them to email instead then I can’t stand the truth and I’m causing drama

''The Truth'' is two people ganging up on you and constantly undermining you and criticising you!

Amazing that a professional can't see that. She doesn't want to.

No, well she is clearly part of the abuse.

So called 'professionals
are supposed to understand and support blended families.

No, no, and no this is not acceptable

Please contact her workplace. Get her banned from her profession.

No one and noboday has the right to bully you like this.

And. I will say again.

There is a financial motive behind this.

There always is.

please consider that.

@NobdieTheNob

I'm no stranger to abuse, sadly *@TheFormidableMrsC*

I just don't care for inventing names for it. I think that these invented names minimise the horror of abuse.

However, I also realise that I do not speak for everyone - or even anyone - who has been abused.

It’s not invented. It’s a term used for people who are victims of narcissistic abuse when there is a 3rd person. It’s a well known term. Have a Google. This is a very typical triangulation situation that the OP needs to stop.

@NobdieTheNob

I'm no stranger to abuse, sadly *@TheFormidableMrsC*

I just don't care for inventing names for it. I think that these invented names minimise the horror of abuse.

However, I also realise that I do not speak for everyone - or even anyone - who has been abused.

I don't understand why you don't get triangulation then. It's rife in my family. It helps me knowing that it's sufficiently common that there's a name for it. I can discuss it with other people. It makes sense that there's a name for it. It doesn't minimise it. Avoiding giving it language minimises it.

Ok, both, I take your point.

My experience is that it's what they do that matters, not that it has a name.

However, I think we can agree that shitty behaviour is shitty behaviour.

Just a thought @Grainofsand Responding ''ok'' might be seen as an admission of whatever they're accusing you of.

If you can't ignore their accusations it might be better to reply slowly with as much calmness as you can muster, ''i accept you see me through a very skewed lens''.

Or ''I accept your distorted views about me'' and then just do not defend yourself.

I'd respond to every thing with an eyeroll emoji. Maybe the occasional “why are you so obsessed with me?"
“you're a bad mother" 🙄
"You're lazy, you're mental" why are you so obsessed with me?
"You are harming the kids with your bad parenting!" 🙄
"Everything we do is great and you're shit" why are so you obsessed with me?
“you're being ridiculous! YOU ARE A BAD MUUUUM" 🙄
And enjoy

Block them on your existing number / email.

Provide new contact details and make it very clear this will only be checked periodically and in the presence of a third party.

I'd also be tempted to spell out that you.will be passing any harassment onto her employer / professional body as a PP suggested.

Fuck em.

They're wankers op - and I agree with a pp that they are incredibly sad to need to have you as the enemy. Like the have nothing else to talk about other than you.

I have 2 friends who have the same with their exes and their horrible wives. I agree go grey rock and don't reply. It infuriates them.

@Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese

I'd respond to every thing with an eyeroll emoji. Maybe the occasional “why are you so obsessed with me?" “you're a bad mother" 🙄 "You're lazy, you're mental" why are you so obsessed with me? "You are harming the kids with your bad parenting!" 🙄 "Everything we do is great and you're shit" why are so you obsessed with me? “you're being ridiculous! YOU ARE A BAD MUUUUM" 🙄 And enjoy

This is rubbish advice from someone who has no experience of it.

Block as stated by many posters here.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

And please contact this woman's workplace and complain.

she should be sacked from her job for doing this.

Malign little bullies. Spiteful shits.
Steel yourself not to care and to delete, OP. You’ll find it gets easier. And standing up to people like that, after you have been bullied like that, feels so, so good.

Good luck. Stand up quietly to them little by little. They sound like utter shits.

I felt upset for you reading that OP.

I may be wrong but I suspect that this constant barrage of criticism and abuse has made you doubt your own parenting. I suspect that when you are in your own home with your own children there is still a feeling of "Them" looking at you and judging. So instead of enjoying being with your children or just parenting them, you are looking over your shoulder for the judgement.

They did this to you with their unreasonable abuse and you need to take control from now on.

1. Just don't reply to anything. Why would you need to. Just archive the emails and forget about them.

1. If there is an email/text about a real issue "can we talk about Joey's failing grade in X" reply normally. If it is couched in abuse "Joey is failing and it is your fault you are such a bad mother' ignore it or at best send a reply to your ex saying "if you would like to talk about Joey's failing grade, please let me know and we can sit with him together"

1. Concentrate everything you have on creating a calm and nice life for you and your children in YOUR home. Stop thinking about these horrible people as much as you can. Come up with a mantra like

They are nothing to me
They have no control over me
They have NO place in my mind or my house
They are awful pitiable people

If your children talk to you about what dad said or SM said about you say "Oh dad can be very irrational. I have no idea why he is so fixated on me tbh but I hope he'll get over it. I hope I never criticize him to you like that. In the meantime, let's talk about your birthday dinner/man utd/whatever"

@beigebrownblue actually I don't think it's rubbish advice at all. They are bullying her and trying to put her in her place. It's up to her to refuse to put anywhere! Blocking them will give them huge ammunition and “proof" that she is a bad mother because she isn't willing to keep the lines of communication open so is unwilling to co-parent effectively. If a child has an emergency in their care they could say it's her own fault she wasn't contacted as she blocked them!

[quote Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese]@beigebrownblue actually I don't think it's rubbish advice at all. They are bullying her and trying to put her in her place. It's up to her to refuse to put anywhere! Blocking them will give them huge ammunition and “proof" that she is a bad mother because she isn't willing to keep the lines of communication open so is unwilling to co-parent effectively. If a child has an emergency in their care they could say it's her own fault she wasn't contacted as she blocked them![/quote]
Right, yes, or rather no.

You haven't been in this situation SWeas. So have no knowledge of it.

OP

Contact this woman's workplace with complaint.

You are entitled to do this, she has no business working with kids if she is harrasing you like this.

No contact.

Otherwise contact Women's Aid

and just don't bother with posters who nothing about it like previous poster.

She sounds like a wee cunt! Tell her to stick her nose out. Then block. You have my sincerest sympathy dealing with that. Honestly just tell them you're done listening to the constant barrage of shite and don't ever respond.

[quote Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese]@beigebrownblue actually I don't think it's rubbish advice at all. They are bullying her and trying to put her in her place. It's up to her to refuse to put anywhere! Blocking them will give them huge ammunition and “proof" that she is a bad mother because she isn't willing to keep the lines of communication open so is unwilling to co-parent effectively. If a child has an emergency in their care they could say it's her own fault she wasn't contacted as she blocked them![/quote]
I do think it's poor advice.

I also think it would be a bad idea to block a twatty ex husband (even if I could do this, which I can't).

The only sensible course of action is not to block anyone, but to ignore anything that doesn't directly relate to a shared concern regarding one of their joint children.

I wouldn’t block them but if they send a rude text I just simply wouldn’t respond.

Have they tried going for full custody if they think you’re such a shit mother?

Yet more 'advice' from folks who know nothing about it.

Goodness no wonder women struggle so much .

The op has emails and text messages with 'proof' of their bullying. If she does therefore block and give an email address, this isn't her refusing to co-parent, this is her doing what's best for her. Who will they 'tell' anyway? Ss won't care as long as the dc are cared for, would they risk the op giving Ss the emails and bullying texts, will they try and take it to court? Unlikely a judge will move away from 50/50.

Go grey rock, basic sim which they can use when the dc are with them, outside of this time the op keeps it off, email address for them, again she looks at it once a week.

Choosing to protect yourself and not put yourself infront of bullies isn't refusing to co parent

You need to get a solicitor involved op. This harassment is not on.

@Grainofsand

If I block them and tell them to email instead then I can’t stand the truth and I’m causing drama

Stop giving a fuck about what they say/do/don’t do

They’re going to bitch about you whatever you do, at least this way you don’t have to hear it.

Block them, unblock them To email them when you want to pass something on, then block again

Stop reacting, stop replying, don’t give them any oxygen at all

“I couldn’t give a flying fuck about your opinions…”

“Oh and don’t think you can tell me off for anything, I’m an adult who’s had enough of your BS”

Oh for goodness sake, can we have a bit more education on here regarding domestic abuse and coercive control?

Moderator?

I wouldn’t block them op, as this may bring you more problems. For one, how would they contact you in an emergency while your DC’s are with them?
I have been in very similar situation, it took me a little while to work out they were feeding off my replies and enjoying the drama. They soon got bored once they got nothing back from me. Unless it’s to do with your DC’s safety you don’t owe them a reply. Keep a file of everything they send you in case you need it in future.

I'd be inclined to ask why she is so vexed about something that is none of her business. I'm a step mum and sometimes I raise an eyebrow at things their mum does but at the end of the day it's not my concern, they aren't my kids, unless i became seriously concerned for their health i wouldn't be inclined to say much about anything. Anything dp is worried about he can address but I'd be frankly horrified if he spoke to his ex like this.

You don't need to communicate with her at all. Like ever. I get all my info about the children via my dp despite myself and ex getting on fairly well.

I'd just send get a quick message saying you've tried to accommodate her but as she can be nothing but rude only the parents will be discussing the children and then only when absolutely necessary ie. Illness.