Not the poo troll!!But name changed (for extremely obvious reasons)!
I’ve had really bad stomach cramps for the last couple of days.
I’ve been low carbing all week after being away with work and eating lots of crap and drinking lots of wine. It works, I stay slimmish by doing this but I have lately been eating a lot of quorn,which I think is the cause.
I don’t think it agrees with me, at least not in large amounts!
I was in the middle of a ‘phone call (thankfully not important!) earlier today and made my excuses and hung up, to rush to the loo, one of those 3 second warning things was about to occur.
My friend is staying and I didn’t want her to hear anything (she was downstairs) so I decided to put the shower on first. As I put the shower on, it disattached itself from the hook and jumped off, spraying me full on in the face with water, which it did again as I tried to catch it. Repeat X 3 and I managed to get it but I simultaneously shit myself.
I had my bum clamped together, and was wearing baggy trousers. Luckily none of it went on my trousers, I tiptoe-ran to the loo and pulled them down and it was all down my inner thighs. I had no idea how to clean myself up. I used so much loo roll I thought I’d cause a blockage and was preying I hadn’t!
This is the first time I’ve crapped myself as an adult.
Does it happen to us all? Is it some sort of right of passage?
Low carbers-please tell me where I am going wrong?
Does quorn do this!?
Why?!
Wonder what I can have instead (vegetarian)?
I definitely can’t tell anyone in real life.
I am going to the pub for a few wines later and am terrified it might slip out, though!