Curious about (lack of) mat leave in USA. How do women cope?

[Ed1n]

Reading another thread about WFH with a newborn which got me thinking. I’m on mat leave and cannot imagine returning to work at twelve weeks, which is I understand, fairly typical (even best case) in US. Any stateside mumsnetters able to give insight into how long most women really take, what is childcare provision like etc?

It seems such a different set up! How do you breast feed, cope with sleep deprivation and decision making.

Googling suggests Estonia is the generous country for paid mat leave. USA the worst.

When I had my eldest who’s now 23 (in the UK) I was entitled to 12 weeks off, the first 6 at 90% of my salary the second 6 weeks was SMP at around £55 per week. My employer did only offer legal minimum but they did allow you to take an extra 4 weeks unpaid off if you were breastfeeding - I’ve never actually figured out how you’d prove that to them!
To maximise leave I worked until less than a week before she was born.
I added on some annual leave and she started nursery at 17 weeks.

By the time DC2 came along 2 yrs later the length of time you could take off was longer but the paid period hadn’t really changed. Went back to work when he was 8 months old.

Both seem to be doing fine.

back in the 1980's I had six weeks off after the birth and then straight back into full time nursing and I was a single mum.
You cope because you have to.

My American daughter in law only had about 8 weeks maternity leave ( unpaid, the only lawful requirement was that her employer had to hold her job open for x weeks) and the children went straight into nursery full time from 8 weeks old. They tell me that until the eldest went to school ( and therefore only needed after school and holiday care) one whole salary went on childcare for 2 children. It was a decision they were happy with though as mum didn’t want to give up her career
And yes, holiday leave is dire. They do get quite a few long weekends when there is a “ special” day
Pre covid I used to go over for part of august to help out with childcare.

It was 16 weeks in Spain until recently, now I believe it’s around 6 months and there is also paternal leave to transfer or take separately after that.

Babies go to the guardería (nursery) at 3-4 months old, or are looked after by grandparents. Childminders don’t really exist.

I would really have struggled with so little time off. My daughter was prem. if I’d been in the US I’d have been due back to work before she was out of ICU (and would have had to go back to pay the bill!) in her first year she had so many follow up appointments, it would have been impossible to work full time.

I personally couldn’t take a full year off like people do in the UK. I’d be too bored.

I was many things on my mat leave year, noted definitely wasn’t one of them. Tired, frustrated, stressed out yes - bored? Definitely not. I was never cut out for full time SAHM and was glad to get back to work, but I’m not sure you could describe that first year as one of boredom. It is full on, all the time.

*noted = bored.

Definitely 12 weeks maternity leave 20 years ago in the UK when I had one of mine. One of my friends had been signed off and started her maternity leave at 29 weeks due to high blood pressure and had to go back to work at 5 weeks post delivery having used some annual leave to cover some of that time. Nursery wouldn't take her baby until 6 weeks so she used a variety of fiends for that spare week.

Second is 18 and it was slightly longer then, probably around 18 weeks looking at the dates I had off and longer still when I had my third.

Are childcare costs as eye watering as they are in the U.K.?

I had my first baby in new Zealand and there was no pay from when you left work until you went back and then you got the equivalent of six weeks of pay in a lump sum. I went back when ds was four months old , only part time though. He went to the hospital nursery and I breast fed him in my tea and lunch breaks !

I only got twelve weeks with each of my first two children, with my second two I took a year off
This was a big mistake, because we used all of our savings, and I also lost my job, as it was given away to two men, while I was on maternity leave. UK.

Not what you asked but in 1978 my mother got 6 weeks and coped (thanks to My grandmother mainly).
However growing up in the 80s none of my friends mums worked at all. Mine was a teacher so at least had holidays and shorter days (back then anyway)

Family are American

Both had sections, one emergency and one planned.

Emergency had 6 weeks mat leave then back full time. Lucky ducky got billed for 2 deliveries as well as she’d gone into spontaneous labour and didn’t progress (delivery one) and then needed a section (delivery 2)
Planned section was for multiples- 12 weeks half were paid under disability as it was a scheduled surgery.

@BoredZelda

Are childcare costs as eye watering as they are in the U.K.?

From what I’ve heard, yes maybe even more so. Of course could be dependent on where you live. My family live in an extortionate part of the states. Don’t think there is an subsidy either until kindergarten either? (Someone correct me if I’m wrong here though)

I’m in the US.

The well educated and well paid get 12 weeks and can afford quality child care if they choose to return to work. They are also the most likely to be given flexible schedules. I fall into this group. I was able to stay home with my child for 3 years, working as a consultant to keep up my contacts and skills and make some nice money, but mostly just doing the occasionally week with some evenings and weekends and otherwise being a Sahm. When dd started preschool at 3 I committed to 10 hours a week. When she started first grade I agreed to half time and they gave me a promotion and a huge raise.

The remaining women go back to work anywhere from 6-12 weeks after giving birth, sometimes not getting paid during that time, and face child care costs that in some states are higher than university tuition.

Live in the Caribbean and had both my boys here. I took circa 16 weeks with both of them and then they both went to daycare around the corner from my office.
We don’t have part time/flexible working here.

I was fine, my babies were fine. Luckily they were both decent sleepers and very happy babies generally.

The struggle for me came when DS2 was over 6 months and the mental load increased 10 fold. Juggling FT job, 2 kids under 3, a husband working long and antisocial hours, a dog and a home was by far the worst part. Lack of sleep was doable, but trying to hold my shit together was awful.

Lack of mat leave wasn’t a big deal, it’s all we got and I was glad to have as much as I did.

I had my eldest in the UK in 1999 and statutory maternity pay / maternity allowance was for 12 weeks then. My contract ended when I was 34 weeks so I had to start my mat leave then. Baby arrived 2 weeks late and I ended up back at work full time (new contract) with a 4 week old baby whilst recovering from a complicated c section. Plus I moved house when he was 10 days old. I had to book annual leave for my postnatal check up. I don't actually know how I did it.

Childcare is a lot less regulated (generally) in USA so it works out a lot cheaper than in England.

Thinking about my USA cousins, they tend to work until 38 weeks at least & don't return to work until at least 3 months post partum. Some unpaid leave, I believe.

I gave birth over 50 years ago, in the UK. I had six weeks maternity leave.

I managed, as did my darling girl. In retrospect, it was barbaric. But as a single parent, I did what need to be done.

I was traumatized for a bloody year after having DD1. No way could I have coped with work. If I lived in the USA I suppose I'd have starved!

I am an old hand and gave birth 52 and 49 years ago when neither maternity or paternity leave existed.If you had paid full NI stamps when working your maternity entitlement was 6 week before and 6 weeks after the birth. After that nothing.I gave up work before my first baby was born because I knew that I would get no childcare from relatives and did not want to put a new born into nursery. My DH took 2 weeks holiday.As it turned out I was very ill during and after the birth so was in no fit state to back .It was a struggle but we managed until DC2 was 2 years old and my DH and I were able to work alternate shifts at work.
But then there were plenty of jobs available so your employers were not obligated to keep your job open as you could easy get another.
I could not believe it when my DIL and now one of my granddaughters got paid maternity leave.Not as long as a year I think it was just a few months but that to me was a revelation and even more so when I heard of people getting a year and paternity leave as well!

I was flabbergasted when I realised that was ordinary in the US (as I read childcare/baby books by American authors) I must say. Having moaned up to that point it made me feel much more grateful for what was on offer in the UK. I had 'easy' babies but I was still a total mess at 12 weeks, no way could I have gone back to work at that point.

@User135792468

From my understanding, it works as follows. Part time isn’t really an option either in many cases which is bonkers.

1. Well off, educated women leave the workforce and are wasted
2. Well off, educated women who go back full time and have a nanny which allows total flexibility
3. Middle class, educated women using a nursery and struggling with mum guilt and full time work
4. Low paid women using a childminder which isn’t as regulated as it is here. More mum guilt and debt trying to pay the bills.

None sound appealing at all. I’m happy to be corrected if I’ve misunderstood or made too many sweeping generalisations.

I'm American. I returned to work at 10 weeks and had zero guilt (and no Nanny). Why do you assume all Middle and Low paid are wracked with guilt?

it depends on where, really. San Francisco has much more generous (in the scheme of poor) rules. Our employees get 4 weeks prior - if needed, and 6 weeks recovery time, paid by the state at 60-70%. Then they get 12 more weeks bonding time, 6 weeks of which are paid at 100% by the employer. They may use vacation to make up pay for at least 2 of the unpaid weeks, and can use more if they have it.

It is hard. We usually give people flexible returns, but know that it is not enough time, overall. Some people simply resign when it is time to come back, if they are not ready. If there are actual medical issues, of course, they can go on disability, which again pays 60-70%.

@FATEdestiny
I have a child the same age, 2004, and only had 6 months paid leave... it was maybe a discretionary benefit that your employer chose to offer anything over 6 months. My employer did not offer more than statutory so if i recall correctly it was 6 weeks full pay, and then the next 4.5 month SMP. I would certainly have taken more than 6 months if it had been possible.

My subsequent child i was able to take longer, but seem to remember that part of that was unpaid.

I wonder what impact having a decent maternity leave has had on breastfeeding rates? I can imagine going back at 6 weeks would put you off trying.

Many women go back to work as soon as they physically can because it's all they can afford. People often save for a year (or years) to be able to afford the 12 weeks of unpaid leave. There is also, I would say, a cultural expectation to go back to work after 8-12 weeks if you're in a professional field. Some companies offer paid maternity leave as a perk, nowhere I have worked as a college graduate with a master's degree.

Many women leave work completely, I did. I am interviewing now and I feel like every company I've talked to looks at my (1) year off with disdain.