Curious about (lack of) mat leave in USA. How do women cope?

[Ed1n]

Reading another thread about WFH with a newborn which got me thinking. I’m on mat leave and cannot imagine returning to work at twelve weeks, which is I understand, fairly typical (even best case) in US. Any stateside mumsnetters able to give insight into how long most women really take, what is childcare provision like etc?

It seems such a different set up! How do you breast feed, cope with sleep deprivation and decision making.

Googling suggests Estonia is the generous country for paid mat leave. USA the worst.

I am not maternal. But I had 9 months off with dc1 and was really torn when I left them, even though I enjoyed being The Moth again, instead of xs mum. But I think that was cos I knew the job would take everything I had. And it has. I didn't spend anywhere near that much time with the dc until lockdown 1.

12 weeks is extremely generous in the USA, mine was six weeks for one, and at the first one, I was terminated for not coming back to work after ONE week. And it is hard. VERY hard! Physically, you aren't ready. Mentally and emotionally, you aren't ready. Finding decent child care for a newborn is HORRIBLE. I was very lucky in that a GOOD and trusted friend from childhood managed a daycare that could take my son, but very few are in that position.

My DS is 27 now but I worked in NHS when I went on mat leave and it was 18 weeks (most of that unpaid). I think i stopped work 6 weeks before his due date but he was nearly 2 weeks late, so I had to go back full time when he was only 10 weeks old. I wasn't allowed to go part time. I had to work as our mortgage interest rate was something crazy like 14% for a small 3 bed semi in a cheap area.

I'd had an emergency section after 22hr labour and was BF. I hired an electric pump from the NCT and used that in my lunch break, I wasn't given extra time for expressing. He was in nursery full time and there were no tax breaks or vouchers.

It was exhausting physically and mentally and I eventually had panic attacks and PND. We couldn't afford to have any more kids and I look back on it as a really sad time.

My ILs criticised me for 'dumping my baby' in nursery but were not prepared to help in any way. Their DS worked away from home and was given 2 days paternity leave. He went back to work (away from home) when our baby was 10 days old. My elderly mum sometimes popped round and did an ironing and put something in the slow cooker when I was at work.

I just did it because I had no choice but I'd hate to watch other women go through the same thing, it was brutal.

@FATEdestiny I think mat leave was longer for teachers then. I remember my MIL, having worked in a school, tried to tell me I was wrong that I could only take 16 or 18 weeks (can't remember which).

In 1992 mat leave in UK was12 weeks. Everyone took unpaid leave or saved. By the end of the 90s it had risen to 26 weeks.

@Fluffmum

In 1992 mat leave in UK was12 weeks. Everyone took unpaid leave or saved. By the end of the 90s it had risen to 26 weeks.

Was 12 weeks the legal entitlement to leave (employer had to keep job open) or was that the paid/SMP bit, do you know? I'm interested to know if employers in uk in the 90s could fire people who didn't return at 22 weeks.

What people get paid will always vary but I think the biggest issue is, in my understanding, in USA the employer only legally has to keep job open for 12 weeks. After that they can get rid of staff who don't return, even if the woman could financially afford to take a few months unpaid.

That should say didn't return at 12 weeks

Evidence is very clear that funded childcare is a significant benefit to disadvantaged children. Do you not want your husbands tax to go towards that?
I suspect Meg would view that as her husband cheating on her. His wallet is for her womb alone!

Relevant story here, though nothing we didn't already know.

7news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/16-and-pregnant-star-bursts-into-tears-after-shes-forced-back-to-work-18-weeks-after-giving-birth-c-5073487

This issue is one of the glaring differences between UK and US feminism.

Feminists here fought long and hard for paid maternity leave and affordable childcare, as it was recognised that this was a huge structural blocker to equality in the workplace.

American feminists, including prominent politicians, just don't speak about this nearly enough. Women are expected to 'lean in', and take a minimum amount of usually unpaid leave. Equality for them seems to mean being just like men, no quarter given. It seems so cruel to me.

For whomever asked down thread the US has higher or comparable rates of breastfeeding to the U.K. depending on the the time point you look at.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Well it was only about 20 years ago or so that UK mat leave was typically 12 weeks.

My son is 19 and you could have up to 10 months in the UK then. I got 6 weeks on full pay, 5 months on half pay and the rest would have been unpaid (or maybe SMP, I can't remember now). I saved up annual leave and went back to work when ds was 7 months old. I was (and am) the main breadwinner and couldn't take any time off unpaid. Being able to share parental leave would have worked really well for us, but wasn't an option at the time.

The earliest I knew people go back was 4 months. But they only went back part-time at that point - I think one lady was doing two days a week.