Curious about (lack of) mat leave in USA. How do women cope?

[Ed1n]

Reading another thread about WFH with a newborn which got me thinking. I’m on mat leave and cannot imagine returning to work at twelve weeks, which is I understand, fairly typical (even best case) in US. Any stateside mumsnetters able to give insight into how long most women really take, what is childcare provision like etc?

It seems such a different set up! How do you breast feed, cope with sleep deprivation and decision making.

Googling suggests Estonia is the generous country for paid mat leave. USA the worst.

I gave birth in Belgium where mat leave is 15 weeks. It’s just normal. Babies go to crèche and cope just fine. I personally couldn’t take a full year off like people do in the UK. I’d be too bored.

It varies by employer. The company I work for gives 4 months at full pay for both mothers and fathers.
This is considered generous by US standards. Some places give 6 weeks with no pay.

I gave birth in Greece- I had around 60 days after birth off (private sector). I have friends who had a year off (public sector). As pp said it is normal and you get on with it if you need to work

From my understanding, it works as follows. Part time isn’t really an option either in many cases which is bonkers.

1. Well off, educated women leave the workforce and are wasted
2. Well off, educated women who go back full time and have a nanny which allows total flexibility
3. Middle class, educated women using a nursery and struggling with mum guilt and full time work
4. Low paid women using a childminder which isn’t as regulated as it is here. More mum guilt and debt trying to pay the bills.

None sound appealing at all. I’m happy to be corrected if I’ve misunderstood or made too many sweeping generalisations.

I used to work with lots of US colleagues who were shocked i took 26 weeks...
Most don't take all the 12 week unless medical issue.... It pushes women to work right up to delivery... Often a scheduled c section... And many don't return to work if can't juggle motherhood with ft work

Oh and in many companies you lose your holiday entitlement for that year due to your maternity leave....which considering the few days you get anyway is just ridiculous... So giving birth in January is not good

As a PP, I'm from Belgium, live in UK. I took 6 months mat leave. My Belgian friends/family all thought it was incredibly generous. My UK friends thought I was insane for taking such a short time off. Its a matter of perspective. The US takes it to the extreme though - often people have less than 6 weeks off which must be exhausting and painful.

Depends on the employer some will offer a package, same with annual leave and most other employment perks we are used to here.

It's normal so people are prepared I suppose. Many quit work if they can afford it

My American colleague was absolutely shocked I was going to be off for a full six months, while everyone else gave me sad faces about going back so soon!

I was on a reddit board for my first pregnancy that was mostly women from the US. Lots and lots of them pumped, and started building up their back to work stash from literally the day their milk came in. It was actually something that put me off even trying to pump when I went back to work as it seemed so stressful and fraught; there were endless posts with people raging about their childcare provider 'wasting' the milk (ie allowing the baby to not finish the bottle).

It hasn't been a year here for that long. It was something like 6 months when I had mine but only some of that attracted statutory maternity pay. At that time my US colleagues got 6 weeks. Tough going for them.

@gogohm

It's normal so people are prepared I suppose. Many quit work if they can afford it

And many save in advance to be able to take unpaid leave.

Well it was only about 20 years ago or so that UK mat leave was typically 12 weeks.

A friend used “short term disability leave” which got her some additional weeks off. I think this depends on the terms of the specific health insurance though

Thanks for the insights so far. It must be hard to breast feed/ express. We’re very lucky in the uk

The main issue with the US leave is that it is unpaid.

DS is 22 and I went back to work when he was about 15 weeks - teacher so had to fit in with term times. I think mat leave was about 18 weeks at that time. Nurseries would advertise as taking children from 6 weeks.

I think here (UK) when DM had me it was 9 weeks. I always thought it was unrealistic in ‘Friends’ with how much time Rachel had off, knowing a few people who live/worked in the US. Didn’t a French politician take just a couple of days a few years ago? One of my friends who was self-employed only took 2 weeks with each of her DC as she couldn’t close her business for up to a year.

I went back when my eldest was 12 weeks old here in the UK as that was all you got (he's 21 now). It was hard work and in the NHS part time wasn't an option either, I tried when he was 1 and got turned down. Weaning was hard, seeing him awake was a bonus and when I look back I don't know how I did it but as the main wage earner with a new mortgage it was the only option. I quit when I got pregnant with his brother because there was no way I could afford nursery for two of them and we struggled using mortgage breaks and a bursary until H qualified and got a full time job. It was pants.

My US friend went back to work after 12 weeks. She had a live in nanny from day 1 (so that the baby and nanny were used to each other by the time she went back to work) and didn't breastfeed. Imagine having a baby and never getting up for night feeds! The nanny did them all.

I work for a USA company and took 6 weeks maternity leave although had to work partly during that 6 weeks. It is frowned upon to to take any time off.

I worked in the US until recently and most of my pregnant colleagues give birth during or after a day at work/the next day, no one really took any leave before the birth. Everyone had a nanny and most pumped. Most parents in my department left the office at 4pm to spend the evening with their kids and then logged back on until late in the evening to finish work - we worked min 12 hour days for most of the year so this wasn't unusual.

We had a lot of international transfers where many of us kept our home country benefits and employment rights so some of us were still able to take 6 months paid or the full year if we wanted.

Imagine having a baby and never getting up for night feeds! The nanny did them all

And I imagine she paid handsomely for it too.

It's important to remember (and it seems OP is aware already, but just restating here) that while no maternity leave is guaranteed by law, the amount an employee can actually take will vary widely by employer. Many organizations use good maternity leave policies as a way to recruit staff. It's just treated as an employment benefit or "perk" here, rather than something you're legally entitled to. (Not saying that's right--it's just the way it is!)

At my job, I was given a few weeks maternity leave, then took short term disability up to 12 weeks. I could have taken additional vacation time after that, and I think I had accrued something like 25 days at that time, so I could have had five more weeks after that. (This all was paid at 100%.) But I urgently wanted to go back to work at that point, so I returned after 12 weeks.

For my background/education level/job type, I'd say my employer was sort of middle-of-the-pack on maternity leave offering. I would expect other comparable employers to offer better benefits--if I were looking for a new job now, I would not be impressed with an org that offered fewer than 6 months maternity leave fully paid.

Because it is so standard to leave infants in daycare here, it's easy (depending on local availability of places, that is) to find care for children under 6 months or 1 year of age. It's more expensive than care for older children, but the provision is there because so many women need it.

DSis (Canada, self-employed) had her baby on a Wednesday and was back at work as a chef on the Sunday. She had a nanny for weekdays when her DH was at work, he covered the weekends. Seems totally normal amongst her friend group.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

The main issue with the US leave is that it is unpaid.

Some is, some isn't. There isn't a sweeping one size fits all answer to that.