Friend is hijacking our weekend away with her Body Shop shite

[Youngatheart00]

In a fortnights time DH and I are going away with some other friends for a weekend away in a cottage. One of my friends has recently joined the Body shop cult at home and has been pushing it any excuse she gets.

She’s now suggested the girls in the group have a ‘pamper evening’ which basically just means her trying to sell to us. Of the 8 of us, 2 have already said ‘great idea can’t wait’ and another ive spoken to isn’t keen on the products but wants to support her. I don’t want to fall out over this but I really don’t want to waste a Saturday night when I don’t agree with MLM and hate what it’s doing to my friend!!

How to approach this tactfully?

@Somebodylikeyew

For goodness sake. Prime the other friends who don't fancy it and just say no together!

“It’s a kind offer Sue but if I’m being honest it’s not really my thing so I’ll opt out and leave you to it.”

Yep, this is perfect. No need for eight sentences of waffling about dinner plans and childcare and Christmas shopping.

I'd tell her straight, but I'm too long in the tooth to put up with this shit on a weekend I was looking forward to

"Err, no thanks. I find it very rude that you are using this gathering as a sales opportunity when that was never the plan, puts your friends in an embarrassing situation & I certainly wont be "brining my wallet", as I'm not dumb enough to fall for this MLM BS, so please don't ask me again"

Digression, but I really really really hate the word "pamper."

Just something about the word makes me cringe. Like a whole-body itch.

Ugh!

It’s not a treat for everyone if you have to pay for it though is it.

This made me laugh

@Kokeshi123

Digression, but I really really really hate the word "pamper."

Just something about the word makes me cringe. Like a whole-body itch.

Ugh!

Me too. Seeing it so many times on one thread has given me the ick

No need for a thesis.

'Hi Sue, thanks but its not my cup of tea, I'll be [alternative plan] if anyone wants to join me.'

OP, this is becoming too much drama and will put a bad feeling on the weekend.

You say you like to be truthful. You are dealing with someone who has no sensitivity for your own feelings.

You have now made your push back to her over someone else’s circumstances. I would be pissed off if I was the people on maternity pay that you used as your excuse.

This is the problem with not being simple and direct. You have had any number of versions to be clear, honest, speak on your own behalf without being horrid.

Can you quickly sign up to Ann Summers, and blow her anti-ageing avocado out of the water ?!

Two choices.

Tell her straight up.

Or enjoy her pamper and buy nothing. And tell her you will not be buying,

@EdgeOfTheSky

OP, this is becoming too much drama and will put a bad feeling on the weekend.

You say you like to be truthful. You are dealing with someone who has no sensitivity for your own feelings.

You have now made your push back to her over someone else’s circumstances. I would be pissed off if I was the people on maternity pay that you used as your excuse.

This is the problem with not being simple and direct. You have had any number of versions to be clear, honest, speak on your own behalf without being horrid.

I do agree with this.

I wouldn’t have bothered referring to other people on mat leave being short of cash or anything like that. It’s disingenuous because they are not the reason you don’t want to be sold to and they didn’t ask you to speak on their behalf.

I would have come at it from my own angle which is reason enough. I don’t want to spend a ‘catch up after covid’ weekend with a group of friends, being a captive audience for a sales pitch. End of.

Sadly i think there will be an atmosphere at the cottage now...Body Shop hun will be annoyed that her efforts to make money from her friends has been thwarted and Op will be annoyed that BS Hun tried to hijack the weekend away to start with.

1) Find a low cost mobile beauty therapist that could come to you, to do treatments for the ladies, so it’s not a selling party.
2) Arrange for everyone to bring something to contribute to the pamper night.
But they don’t want a pamper night! These are TERRIBLE ideas! They’ve booked a group holiday in a cottage, husbands included, and have a meal planned – that’s the evening: food and booze and friends. Not separating out men and women like it’s a Year 8 disco, and having to sit having a cheap mobile beauty treatment from a random stranger, or plonking a face mask on and sitting around thinking “But I want to be in my big roll-neck jumper and make-up, cackling over my fourth glass of red, and this cucumber was meant to be for the salad, how did I get here and how come the men get to do whatever the fuck they want?”

I wouldn’t be remotely pissed off at my maternity leave used as an excuse in the OP’s message; it’s a legitimate concern. Though I do think you need to shut her down properly: “It’s not a bit of fun, Pam: it’s getting in the way of the actual fun we already had planned. Remember the holiday with friends part? And I do feel pressure. So no, you can’t do this.”

I’d also be tempted at this stage to say in the group chat “We’ve agreed we don’t want to spend our holiday time doing this. Please leave your Body Shop stuff at home.”

@hotmeatymilk

1) Find a low cost mobile beauty therapist that could come to you, to do treatments for the ladies, so it’s not a selling party. 2) Arrange for everyone to bring something to contribute to the pamper night. But they don’t want a pamper night! These are TERRIBLE ideas! They’ve booked a group holiday in a cottage, husbands included, and have a meal planned – that’s the evening: food and booze and friends. Not separating out men and women like it’s a Year 8 disco, and having to sit having a cheap mobile beauty treatment from a random stranger, or plonking a face mask on and sitting around thinking “But I want to be in my big roll-neck jumper and make-up, cackling over my fourth glass of red, and this cucumber was meant to be for the salad, how did I get here and how come the men get to do whatever the fuck they want?”

I wouldn’t be remotely pissed off at my maternity leave used as an excuse in the OP’s message; it’s a legitimate concern. Though I do think you need to shut her down properly: “It’s not a bit of fun, Pam: it’s getting in the way of the actual fun we already had planned. Remember the holiday with friends part? And I do feel pressure. So no, you can’t do this.”

I’d also be tempted at this stage to say in the group chat “We’ve agreed we don’t want to spend our holiday time doing this. Please leave your Body Shop stuff at home.”

Totally this. You've already made plans for the evening. So who is she to cancel them? Rude fucker.

Love how she's phrased it as "a treat for everyone" - nope.
It's only a "treat" for those who enjoy such things - it's absolute frigging penance for everyone else.

I'd say in the group chat that it's not for you so you'll be doing something else that evening, and who wants to join you in the other activity? Then everyone else who wants to do the hard-sell event can, and those of you who would really rather not can do the other thing.

Might as well be upfront about it. She's right that some might be happy to have the hard-sell evening and chance to try some new stuff - but rather than endure it for the sake of politeness, just let her know you won't be joining in.

Hopefully it will be just her in the sitting room with her products while everyone else is off doing other things - at the pub or putting children to bed - and then the dinner that is for everyone will supercede the body shop selling. If at any point any gender segregation starts to take place say loudly "what is this, the 1950s? I'm going to the pub too" and hopefully most of the other women will also.

Is it correct that one friend has messaged you to ask how to stop this, and another has produced the allergy excuse? Is there anyone left apart from Body Shop woman who actually wants to do it?

I don’t think there will be a pub contingent, will there? They’re at a cottage with kids and a home-cooked meal planned – it’ll be a “drinking at the cottage” holiday, otherwise someone will get left behind babysitting.

So it’s all the more important to shut it down beforehand, otherwise people will fuck off to the pub and anyone who doesn’t will get subjected to the hard sell, or Miss Body Shop will whip out her stuff anyway and take over the communal boozing living spaces and ruin the fun.

I'd stop with trying not to offend at this point.
She's the one causing stress to others with her pushiness.

The chances are high that the others who are going have been inundated with this shit for ages.

Her leftovers will be bargain price when summer arrives when she has a yard sale.

I like this response from a PP

"I don't want a pamper session. I just want a happy weekend with good food, good wine and my mates."

I think you should tell her & the others that it's not for you & you won't be taking part.

Others can follow suit if they want.

I'm not into "pampering"-not even sure what it is tbh.

I could no doubt tolerate a face mask (that I chose), but that's about it!

If she wanted to bring a few testers for people to try then order if they wanted that might be acceptable.

But a whole sale pitch plus pressured sell?

No thanks, not on my weekend away!

”I'd just say "Do you mind if we arrange a pamper evening another time? Would love to just catch up and chat this weekend"”

This.

Direct and breezy. I often think it causes more offence when you try and explain it delicately.

This isn’t direct at all! It’s a just shifting the problem to another day if the friend even accepts. Being direct wouldn’t involve asking her if she minds.

This made me laugh earlier

not many of you want to do it, try and put a positive spin on suggesting another date!

Arrange for everyone to bring something to contribute to the pamper night. Friend could bring facial products from Body Shop. Someone else could bring nail varnish. Someone else could bring face or foot packs etc. That way she can’t make it a sales event. No, no, no! Talk about gender stereotyping! This my idea of hell. Tell her "Hey friend, nice idea for those who enjoy beauty treatments, but that's my idea of hell so you'll have to excuse me. I'll be drinking whisky and chilling out with the guys"

For someone who wants to be honest, OP, you've really tied yourself in knots. It's fine to just not want to do things, and say so.