Friend is hijacking our weekend away with her Body Shop shite

[Youngatheart00]

In a fortnights time DH and I are going away with some other friends for a weekend away in a cottage. One of my friends has recently joined the Body shop cult at home and has been pushing it any excuse she gets.

She’s now suggested the girls in the group have a ‘pamper evening’ which basically just means her trying to sell to us. Of the 8 of us, 2 have already said ‘great idea can’t wait’ and another ive spoken to isn’t keen on the products but wants to support her. I don’t want to fall out over this but I really don’t want to waste a Saturday night when I don’t agree with MLM and hate what it’s doing to my friend!!

How to approach this tactfully?

[quote Newbabynewhouse]@Tanith is that you? ..i only know one Tanith.. 🤣[/quote]
I met a baby Tanith 48 years ago when her parents were holidaying on the IoW. Be amazing if it was her!

I would actually say, I'm not coming if you're hijacking our weekend to flog us your bodyshop crap. You really do have a nerve.
I wouldn't care if it caused offense. She has a solid brass neck.

Why do you have to be tactful? She isn't!

I'm a vegetarian and haven't used body shop since they sold out ethically many years ago. I would be making no bones about telling her I wasn't interested, the majority of the group aren't interested and if we wanted what she's suggesting we'd have asked! Not to hijack the weekend and leave the body shop crap at home

I'm guessing the 2 "in favour" are naive and unaware that what they're actually going to be getting is an awkward evening of hard sell they can't escape from! Have you warned them?

Me, I’m a gob shite, too long in the tooth to participate or entertain anything not of interest to me.

Yep same! Refreshing and liberating isn't it?

Surely it can’t take all evening?

With mlm? Ohhhhh yes it can with lots of high pressure to buy/order then and there!

that she’ll be ‘taking orders for gifts so don’t forget your wallet ladies’

See?

This will likely be multiple times DAILY in the run up to the trip, then even higher pressure on the trip!

I won't give body shop any money since they were so unpleasant to JK Rowling.

Another Damn good reason!

How about "not my thing as I don't support body shop for ethical reasons I don't wish to detail. I also think this is a weekend for friendships and leisure and think all work related activities need to be left at home to enable us all to properly relax"

?

Re "how the hell do we stop this?" Is your in!

Ask the others to be HONEST if they're genuinely interested out of the group of 8 that means only 3 actually are "in favour" - her, her gullible husband and someone who prob doesn't understand it will be a sales pitch!

Strength in numbers - if as a group of 5 you say to her "nope" then she hasn't a leg to stand on if the majority rules!

It's also not on to turn it into a "women v men" night when everyone is there

The men'll be getting pumped for orders at some point too, no doubt.

I agree - prep dh!

Another of the group has just replied using the skin allergy line

Is that same one as said " how do we get out of this?" Or a different person?

Let her huff! She's the one that caused the awkwardness!

I'm a vegetarian and haven't used body shop since they sold out ethically many years ago

You are aware that l'Oreal no longer own them, and that their current owners have cruelty free credentials?

youvegottenminuteslynn

"Although you say there will be 'no pressure', you've already asked everyone not to forget their wallets in a message... if you really value the friendships in the group it is important that you recognise this is a weekend away as friend rather than an opportunity to sell product. Hopefully you can respect that."

This comment needs to be your reply if she says anymore!!

@Youngatheart00

Ok, I’ve tackled it (well, tried)

I messaged her separately taking the angle of a) time (as mentioned upthread) and b) money

I effectively said I don’t think she should be pressuring people to buy when two of us (not me) as on stat mat pay and we’ve already spent a lot on the weekend and will do on the food and activities that we are doing as a group

She responded saying ‘no pressure, it’s just a bit of fun, a treat for everyone’ and I pointed out that everyone already has the link to her ‘shop’ (200 times 🤨) so if they want to order they can do there.

She’s not replied since….probably in a huff

You're response was good, but I would have said something like

No pressure? Excellent, I'll tell everyone to leave their wallets at home

But I've given up being polite in these situations.

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@AliceMcK

Genuine question, don't you think it's unfair and incredibly presumptuous of OP's friend to try to add a Body Shop sale to their weekend away once it's already booked and say "don't forget your wallets!" to them? [/quote]
Plain rude is what it is

@YouokHun

Completely agree with everything you said, for clarity.

I'm 100% MLMs because they prey on vulnerable women, convert them cult style then 98+--% of people never make any profit.

It's a disgusting business model.

As pp’s have said, make sure dh knows not to buy anything from her. She’ll probably closet him up somewhere and give him the hard sell.

I would just post back ‘not for me thanks’. After that would expect a heap of pressure from her to try to make me conform. Everything she would write on Facebook to try to persuade me to join in would show up her real intentions. She may try ‘but everyone else wants to do this’ for example. This will be the get out for someone else to say ‘actually I’m not keen either’. You just need one polite, clear refusal. She will sink herself.

I'd personally respond with, "I love a bit of pampering but maybe we could save that for another weekend/event? I'd rather not this particular weekend when we haven't seen each other in so long, Instead why don't we plan for a dedicated "party"."

Thanks hon but i never mix business with pleasure."

@Daisylg

youvegottenminuteslynn

"Although you say there will be 'no pressure', you've already asked everyone not to forget their wallets in a message... if you really value the friendships in the group it is important that you recognise this is a weekend away as friend rather than an opportunity to sell product. Hopefully you can respect that."

This comment needs to be your reply if she says anymore!!

Excellent!

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I would actually say, I'm not coming if you're hijacking our weekend to flog us your bodyshop crap. You really do have a nerve. I wouldn't care if it caused offense. She has a solid brass neck.

Winber!

Good on you for messaging her! People like her get away with their 'forceful' behaviour because no one picks them up on it. Maybe message the other women and warn them that they could face a hard sell, so they're prepared.

I had a friend, who started this last year. She has become pushy and quite annoying

Couple of ideas of how you could potentially turn this around:

1. Find a low cost mobile beauty therapist that could come to you, to do treatments for the ladies, so it’s not a selling party. While individuals are being treated, arrange for the Body Shop rep to just chuck the products on the table, no presentation and everyone pampers themselves Request that no “business” (AKA selling) takes place that weekend, but she could follow up with others afterwards if they ask her to.
2. Arrange for everyone to bring something to contribute to the pamper night. Friend could bring facial products from Body Shop. Someone else could bring nail varnish. Someone else could bring face or foot packs etc. That way she can’t make it a sales event.

MLM roles frustrate me. Imagine meeting up with friends just to make money out if them.

I think one of the biggest problems with MLMs is that they pretty much rely on people being too polite to challenge them. You're either buying stuff from her or you're the enemy. There is no middle ground.

Personally, I'd just go all in and post: I'm not really into MLMs, so maybe we could just have a nice night on Saturday without it and you can do your sales stuff on Sunday morning for those who are interested. Would that work for everyone?

It will probably start an argument, but really once she started MLM, there were only two options: buying her stuff to be polite or having a massive falling out. It's inevitable!

FML, it’s only a ‘treat’ if you want it!!

I'd tell her I'm boycotting The Body Shop (plenty of reasons to do so; shouldn't be a surprise to her as she works for them and will have seen the criticism) and while you respect the fact that she needs to make a living, it's a matter of conscience for you not to give them any money. This lets you off the hook long-term and can be an out for your H too, if he wants one.

As for whether to vacate the house for the evening (I'm assuming it's multiple people sharing the total cost of the rental) and let her carry on, that's up to you. Personally, I think it's obnoxious of her to ask, even if it weren't a questionable company.

(Relevant threads here and here and here if you need more info.)

it's just they're trying to be supportive
I think the mist genuinely supportive thing the group can do is be honest with your friend and tell her that you're not interested. The best outcome for the vast majority of peopke who get involved with an MLM is that they fail quickly and get out before they lose too much money and all their friends.
I used to buy the occasional item, join the Facebook groups etc until I realised that that wasn't supportive behaviour, it was enabling behaviour. Now I just give straightforward "no thanks, I'm not interested" replies to face to face approaches and delete FB invitations immediately. Suggesting leaving it to another date leaves the door open for exactly that, saying something negative about the products invites discussion, and pleading poverty is probably worst of all as that makes you a prime recruitment candidate.
She is being pushy, but I'd put money on the fact that there's an at least equally pushy up-line telling her what a great opportunity this weekend away is and pressuring her to reel you all in. Obviously she won't like it, and it could cast a cloud over the weekend but this is definitely one of those situations where you need to be cruel to be kind. Maybe get some of the rest of the group to read up on MLMs so thst they realise they ate not helping your friend in the long term if they play along?

@RampantIvy

"I don't want a pamper session. I just want a happy weekend with good food, good wine and my mates."

This ^^ is the best answer so far. It is to the point and not rude in the least.

Agree

I think if you have a thing for being honest and as she IS huffy, you also need to address that part too. (I have had to do this with a bloody Nutrimetics friend.)
"I am sending you this message privately because we have been friends for a long time. I hope you respect my feelings on this subject. In the spirit of honesty, I need to say that I think that it's inappropriate to hijack a weekend break with an agenda to financially benefit at the expense of your friends. The messages sent from you and your DH are loaded with the typically manipulative sales tactics that have made me boycott MLMs entirely in the first place. I can't support this, and I won't be joining your pampering session/Marketing Pitch. I don't want this weekend to be uncomfortable, and I really don't want any PA comments or sulking because I have drawn my line in the sand. Please discount me from any further Body Shop Marketing parties, etc. Thanks."

She rude! Fragrances trigger my allergies and asthma. Nobody I know uses them if they will be somewhere with me. So I would have spoke up instantly and said please don't, you can sell that any other time, but not on this trip. But tbh I would feel annoyed regardless, and say no thanks, not really interested. Not the so called pampering crap either.