Could you have your in laws live with you?

[Couldyouhelpme]

Just that really. Do you think your relationship with your OH could survive?

No way!!! And I get on with mine

Yes, if there were an annex of some kind. Perhaps so they had their own space during the day and we came together at supper time ?

That would be ok.

@Bumpsadaisie

Yes, if there were an annex of some kind. Perhaps so they had their own space during the day and we came together at supper time ?

That would be ok.

... and you wouldn't have the emotional space taken up with worrying about them in a care home or trying to manage in their own home ...

... so yes they would be more physically present but you might find it gave you more mental space?

Depends on the parents though of course.

Also I have realised recently that elderly people can really give US something that we need too. It's not all us putting our for them.

Hell no

I think it depends on your relationship. My ex mil is a saint and I could have happily lived with her but my current mil lives with us and is slowly destroying our marriage. I think your guy will tell you if you can handle it or not!

Gut not guy

Fuck no! Which I base on the experience of me, my husband and baby living with my mum for about 4 months. We moved in as we were buying her house, it took less than 2 weeks before we had a screaming argument over a loaf of bread and once we had actually bought the house I was VERY aware of the fact that we owned it and I could technically kick her out at any time.

I love my in-laws but unless I lived in a huge mansion where the only thing we shared was the front door I couldn’t do it.

I read your title and heard myself saying "Fuck no!" quite loudly...so yeah, it's another no from me.

I absolutely adored my in-laws, and they loved me too. But no. Those feelings might well have changed if we had! After a few days visit in either direction, we were all ready to have our homes to ourselves!

Absolutely not! I can’t even handle an overnight stay!

Definitely not a mansion here, regular house with no annex 😭 Also, they are not sick or struggling health wise in any way. It’s a cultural thing (husbands culture not mine).

Mil died.
Fil fuck no - hrs an arsehole.
DM - no, ditto, passive aggressive, narcissistic.
DF - yes, he'd slot in fine.

DH would agree with all of the above.

In the next few years there is a likelihood of MiL loving with her DC. Only one really has space, dependent on timing we may have kids away at uni etc and culturally having her move about every few months is a possibility. That sounds awful to me, but is an accepted way of doing things in DH’s culture. I don’t like her and we don’t get on and she isn’t infirm or anything it’s just expected once all her kids are married. We will have her here as part of the process if she will come but not to live solely with us.

My own parents have moved closer to me for this reason but 100% will not expect to come to us, though my father does come from a culture where living together would be normal. My mum has been quite clear that she would prefer a home to living here.

Ultimately I wouldn’t turn any of them away but the pressure on our marriage would be severe, particularly with MiL.

We ARE the in laws & no way would I want to live with the DCs & families!!

Fuck no, I wouldn't have my own father living with us either. I'd be wary of any family even living on the same estate as us as well.

No!!

I have two sets, as DH's parents divorced and remarried. Both sets are lovely, but with MIL and her DH there'd be a bloody great row after an almighty power struggle; and FIL and his DW just like their own space and routine and would be stressed and unhappy living with us.

I do plan to move my DM in with us once she can't live fully independently - but into a granny flat or annex so we all still have our own space.

I get on fine with my PILs. The reason for that is that they live 3 hours away.

So no.

No!

We don’t have the room so it would be out of the question.

If we did.. I could probably cope. I’d suffer much more if my own parents moved in, I really couldn’t do that.

I can see us having one of MIL or FIL to live with us when they get too old to live alone and the other one has died assuming we are somewhere bigger by that point.

Would literally rather move out and live under a bridge.

If we had a big enough house yes

Shudders at the very thought 😱

I could, probably wouldn't like it but it wouldn't kill anybody.

Nope, my husband would massively struggle not to put them first. I actually think my MIL would call him out on this, my FIL not so much. I actually like them a lot, my MIL is fab.

My mum did live with us for a short time before she went into the care home. She had dementia.
She started to wander about during the night. She found DH's expensive malt whisky and drank the bottle🍷🍷. We found her in the morning out cold on the sofa. DH helped me get her upstairs to bed then I had to phone the day centre and tell them she was unwell.
DH adored my mum and was very close to her. He was happy for her to stay but I think if she'd stayed with us it would have caused arguments eventually.