If you are part of a two parent family where both parents work

[BettyBotta]

….what % of the following do you do on an average week? And do you have external help (eg cleaner / nanny / gardener)?

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

1. Cooking & food shopping

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

Reason I ask before someone says I’m a journalist (I’m not) is that I feel I do too much. I work 4 days per week (from home) and do over 80% of the above. DH is not lazy but he works ridiculous hours, has a long commute so is simply not here

DH does all the gardening, and stuff like cleaning the cars, but that’s an issue in itself as it eats into weekends (he has no free time other than weekends) so when combined with his hobby (which I fully support - I share the same hobby myself) it leaves too little family time.

Currently we don’t have any paid help but we are looking at putting something in place as I am completely overwhelmed.

(Yes I know single parents do it all and I take my hats off to them, must be really tough)

1. Our nanny does it on days I work. I do it on the day I don't work.
2. He does 95%.
3. The cleaner does all the heavy cleaning. We split the rest roughly 50:50; I do slightly more cleaning, he does more laundry and tidying.
4. I do the kid-related life admin. He does all the rest - car, insurance, bills, paying our nanny etc.

I'm happy.

DH and I are very fluid in how we split all that stuff. We have a philosophy where we work together or in parallel and never have one of us relaxing while other is working (unless one of us is ill). We have never hired in outside help unless you count childcare during our paid work hours.

But I don’t think the above really matters? If you are overwhelmed and you can afford it, then get in paid help of some sort. I don’t think it’s helpful to compare yourself to other families to decide whether you’re justified or not. It’s your family, your life, just do what works for you and don’t worry about what other families do or may think.

I’m part time DH full time so I do 70% of your list I would say. He also helps when he is home. One of the reasons I refuse to go full time despite it meaning more money. I finish at 2 so can be home and doing jobs for a couple of hours so the whole evening isn’t taken up.
That’s the choice we made but obviously if your work is well paid then outsourcing is the way forward for some of it.

@BettyBotta

….what % of the following do you do on an average week? And do you have external help (eg cleaner / nanny / gardener)?

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

1. Cooking & food shopping

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

Reason I ask before someone says I’m a journalist (I’m not) is that I feel I do too much. I work 4 days per week (from home) and do over 80% of the above. DH is not lazy but he works ridiculous hours, has a long commute so is simply not here

DH does all the gardening, and stuff like cleaning the cars, but that’s an issue in itself as it eats into weekends (he has no free time other than weekends) so when combined with his hobby (which I fully support - I share the same hobby myself) it leaves too little family time.

Currently we don’t have any paid help but we are looking at putting something in place as I am completely overwhelmed.

(Yes I know single parents do it all and I take my hats off to them, must be really tough)

We both work. I'm self employed and work from home. DH has a stressful call centre job with crappy and long hours. Kids are secondary and end of primary and both schools are a 5 min walk so I don't do any school runs Cooking I tend to do lunches during the week for me and the kids. We don't live in the UK and the kids are home for lunch. If DH is off he cooks. I often do the weekly shop but sometimes DH does. I do most of the life admin as there was a period when DH was out of work so I earned and mostly administered our income. I also work at a computer all day so it's easy for me to do it. Cleaning is pretty much shared but only really done at the weekend. When the kids were younger childcare was done by whichever one of us was available. When DH was out of work for a long time years ago he did basically everything and I worked.

Just to confirm we have childcare in place during our paid working hours

1. 90% but we have life set up so the school/nursery are near my office so it makes sense. I do most activity drop offs but dh looks after younger dc during that time so I probably get the 'easier' deal in that I often have 30 mins on my ohone/chatting to the other mums.

2. 85% - I do online shopping so not a huge time pressure. Dh cooks if he is free but he often has late calls or is travelling abroad for work.

3. we have a cleaner and the remainder if 50-50

4. 50-50. I do most child related stuff, dh does most house related stuff so works out a reasonable split.

We both have stressful jobs but mine is slightly more contained into office hours. His is not at all contained and he travels and does calls at stupid o'clock to fit in with different time zones but he can then be a bit flexible so if dc are ill we can usually both flex enough to manage from home for instance.

When he's travelling for a couple of weeks it can feel tough but he does as much away from home as possible. It's a good set up for us

1. Almost exactly 50/50. I do drop offs and DH picks up. Occasionally one does more eg this week DH on a course and I’m doing all of it.

1. DH does about 75%, sometimes more.

1. DH probably does more than 50%. I do most of the laundry. He does all the garden and cars. He cleans more. It feels fair.

1. I do about 80% of this.

We used to have a cleaner before DD but sacrificed it for me to work 4 days. I’m the main earner and I have a needy horse that takes all my energy after DD.

DH works shifts, full time, from home. I work 4 days, half in the office, half WFH.

The house is a tip since no cleaner, we will have one again once we are out of nursery fees.

DH is full time, I’m part time. And I do all that you’ve listed.

Like your DH, mine works ridiculous hours, including weekends. I’m part time so have the time to do everything so I don’t mind. And when he is at home he’s always doing stuff round the house, he’s just redone the garden and laid a new patio these last few weeks, so not like he sits idle.

But in your position, working from home or not I’d be looking to see if we could pay for some help, your 4 days a week is almost full time. So if you can afford it, go for it.

Both work full time, him 40 hours per week, me 50 hours, I do all cooking, food shopping, general admin stuff, school drop off, he does pick up, all cleaning, all washing and anything else that needs doing for kids, elderly parents, pets etc etc etc

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections - not relevant these days as my youngest is 15. But I did the vast majority of the drop offs/collections as I had the shorter commute.

2. Cooking & food shopping DH does 100% of the food shopping and 90% of the cooking.

3. Cleaning, washing, general housework - I do the laundry. DH does the gardening. We have a cleaner for 4 hours per week, and both do a bit of housework in between her visits.

4. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc) - DH does kids doctors/dentists. I buy clothes for the kids. We have the bills split evenly between us (separate bank accounts). Car stuff - I deal with mine - he deals with his.

1. 80%
2. 0%
3. 80%
4. 60%

We have a nanny/housekeeper for 20 hours a week who does some school runs and after school care, almost all the weekday cooking, all the cleaning and runs a load of errands. We have a gardener and dog walker. I do almost everything else. DHwill do most things (as long as he is physically at home and it it’s outside extended office hours ie 8am-8pm) but only if asked. I work 80% of FT. If we didn’t outsource I’d collapse in a heap. As an absolute minimum you need a cleaner and to buy in meals on the days you work. If DH wants to outsource the gardening let him sort it out.

1. We split thus equally atm but when I'm in the office I do all school drop offs/pick ups as it's en route and we're a one car household. I do the one activity a week as it's also a chance to catch up with a friend of mine too

1. I usually cook and DH does dishes and bins

1. We have a cleaner and a gardener. I do the washing. General day to day cleaning and tidying is split.

1. Split equally

We both work full time, though I'm TTO and currently on mat leave

No help here. I'm self employed so quite flexible but I work more hours.

1. me 90%, DH 10%. Childcare not needed anymore so mostly taxi service and school run.

2. I do the meal planning and online shop. We are both usually in when it gets delivered to put it away. DH cooks five days, I cook the other two. 65/35% (ish).

3. 50/50

4. 90% me

1: 75%
2: 60%
3: 50% - but we have a cleaner so it’s only really laundry and day-to-day stuff like wiping down surfaces
4: 99% - this is one that pisses me off, it’s just a whole load of stuff that never even occurs to him.

I work 0.8 so approx 30 hours and have no or a very short commute. DH does long hours and has a long commute. I’m usually happy with our division of labour unless I’ve had a very stressful week at work in which case I’ll go on a rant about emotional labour and he won’t know what I’m talking about because things like whether DD’s clothes fit or if she needs some winter pyjamas now the weather has changed just never, ever occur to him.

Oh, and we have 1 preschool DD so my non working day involves childcare rather than free time.

You cant really look at it like this and feel content. I think you have to look at it like you are a team and do you both work together for your families benefit to the best of your ability and are you coping and if you arent coping, what can change. If you are struggling and can afford help, get it. It wouldnt really matter if your DH did 90% happily, if you were struggling with your 10%, you can find ways to get help with than 10%.

100% of everything, I work 3 days a week. It's exhausting, I've recently had 2 month off work due to a mental breakdown.

We both work full time.

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections. DH 75%

1. Cooking & food shopping cooking 50/50 food shopping me 90%

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework 50/50

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc) me 99%!

Both full-time. Same role but be works further away than me. I do 80% of anything child-related, including almost all pick-ups and drop-offs and all extra-curricular. I do all food shopping and most of the shopping although DH does dishes. Admin is split about 50-5O. DH does most of the house-cleaning and laundry - I iron and put away. He does maintenance around the house/garden. When I worked part-time (3 days per week), I did most of the housework too.

Most of the disagreements we have are about how we split the load, although I think we have things fairly well-balanced now. Him doing the housework came about after a big row about household responsibilities.

We have no external help other than after-school club for childcare. I would definitely consider paying for a cleaner but good ones are hard to come by round here.

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections - 60 per cent him, 40 per cent me

1. Cooking & food shopping - 60 per cent me, 40 per cent him

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework - 40 percent me, 40 per cent cleaner, 20 per cent him

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc) 50 percent him 50 percent me

You basically sound like me.

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

Husband used to do mornings and me evening pick-ups but while I’ve been wfh this has slipped to me picking up. We do an even split of weekend running around for activities.

1. Cooking & food shopping

I do more of both but tbh we’ve both become crap at food during the week.

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

Me basically all. We have a gardener and probably should get a cleaner as the place is a tip most of the time.

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

Husband does car stuff, financial, insurances. I do all the kid life admin. Birthday gifts are split along family lines.

We both work from home, part time

We didn’t have blue and pink jobs, we worked the same kinda hours, split everything fifty fifty and stepped in for each other when the other was busier than notmal or wished to go out with friends.

Both work full time

I do drop offs, he does pick ups.

He cooks 5/7 nights, I do online food shopping but gets delivered when I'm at work, so he does the unpacking.

50/50 house work is, sometimes he does more in a week, sometimes I do, depends on the week.

Life admin, mainly me.

Only paid help is a gardener. Really great MIL as well who helps out with childcare when our work schedules clash.