If you are part of a two parent family where both parents work

[BettyBotta]

….what % of the following do you do on an average week? And do you have external help (eg cleaner / nanny / gardener)?

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

1. Cooking & food shopping

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

Reason I ask before someone says I’m a journalist (I’m not) is that I feel I do too much. I work 4 days per week (from home) and do over 80% of the above. DH is not lazy but he works ridiculous hours, has a long commute so is simply not here

DH does all the gardening, and stuff like cleaning the cars, but that’s an issue in itself as it eats into weekends (he has no free time other than weekends) so when combined with his hobby (which I fully support - I share the same hobby myself) it leaves too little family time.

Currently we don’t have any paid help but we are looking at putting something in place as I am completely overwhelmed.

(Yes I know single parents do it all and I take my hats off to them, must be really tough)

I work 4 days DP 5. We split most stuff fairly equally. No cleaners or nanny. The main difference is my DP doesnt work long hours so he is here. He works 8 till 4 so free to help after 5 with tea baths tidying ect. I think your issue is the long hours.

Same situation as you OP maybe bit more than 80%. Not sure how to answer the house work part as not enough of that gets done.
Have childcare while working and my mother helps with laundry at times.
Keep meaning to get help cleaning but never seem to have place ready enough to get someone in.
At times I feel as if dont have enough time to work, need to take odd half day or day off if children have appointments or stuff.
Hope once youngest old enough to start school will be easier in evenings.

1. I do a couple of school runs a week, teen ds does all drop offs of primary age dc and 3 pickups. Dh not available for school runs but does 50% or more of out of school running around.

1. I do one big shop a week, dh does daily top ups on his way home if needed. Cooking 50/50

1. Housework is an issue. I do all laundry but we're hugely behind on clutter and the place is often a tip.

1. Life admin is mostly down to me but dh does most of the dc's stuff, pack lunches, homework etc.

It works ok. We all muck in but I'd love us to be less mucky. If we could do a huge purge so that mess was less of an issue then I'd definitely consider a cleaner to help keep on top of things. It's depressing.

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

I do all drop offs, DH doesn't get up until 10ish. Pick ups shared.

1. Cooking & food shopping

I do it all. Sometimes CBA to make proper dinner if kids have eaten at ASC and we each make our own rubbish (cereal or pizza)

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

We have a cleaner once a week. I do the washing. He does garden & random DIY jobs.

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

I do all except the car stuff. He does all car stuff. He also does extra things if specifically asked to without complaint.

We both work 0.8ish. He had serious health issues which require time and attention and cause fatigue. On a normal week we're both happy, when things get busy with my work I can get stressed and overwhelmed

When I was with exH we both worked full time. We split the chores between us with each of us taking what we were best at eg him cooking, heavy jobs, me admin and taking to clubs etc. Split cleaning etc. Didn't have help in but managed it. Hard work but doable.

If you have childcare in place then your children must be young and I think that’s probably the problem. However you split the with there are still only 2 people and 24 hours in the day.

DH and I currently both work full time with DC 8 and 5. I’d say our split is overall pretty fair, basing that on the fact that we have similar amounts of leisure time. But we/I/the house in general are all on our last legs. We’ve weighed up either going all out for getting a cleaner/putting the children in more after school clubs/cutting back on our hobbies (they’re not big ones)/ reducing after school clubs and activities. Or me going part time. And we’re choosing me going part time.

And I echo what a PP has said about if you want to do a weekend chore, one of you has to do that while the other one is doing the child entertaining. (Ours are just starting to edge past being constantly entertained, thank god, but there’s still always a swimming lesson/demand for a snack/sibling argument that someone has to field, they’re still time consuming). And then when one of you has done Something Useful and the other has kept the kids out of the way to enable it, you both feel like you’re the one who should then get the rest.

Basically, “having it all” is knackering.

One kid, at primary school. Both full time mainly wfh, I work compressed hours so four days a week. It has taken a lot to get to this point!

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections - 65% me 30% him 5% my mum

1. Cooking & food shopping 50:50 food shopping, I cook 99% of the time

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework 80% me 20% him (washing mostly)

1. Life admin

packing school bags 60% me sorting out birthday gifts 80% me Sorting new clothes for kids 100% me dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc 70% me sorting out insurances 100% me Internet banking / paying bills 100% him taking car for MOT we do our own cars

I also book all holidays and most of the gardening. With our dogs it's prob more 65% him and 35% him.

He does more and more as the years go by. Obvs he'd love to do nothing but that's not an option. Our kid also helps with some cooking and housework. We all live here so we pitch in.

My husband works term time only. I work year round. So I'll just break it down for term time as during school holidays he does all daytime.

1.Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections
I drop the kids at breakfast club, then use my lunchbreak to do the school pickup. They have 1hr screentime while I work in the next room. Dh home an hour after we get in from the school run. He then does an hour of fun while I do my last working hour. He does ds swimming club and I do dds Brownie club each week.

2.Cooking & food shopping
I do 100% packed lunches, cook the evening meals 90% of the time. Weekend lunches are just whoever. Probably 50% each. I do a Big Shop every other week. Dh does top up shops on his way home from work as needed.

3.Cleaning, washing, general housework
I do most of the laundry, he does most of the dishes. We both vacuum. I strip and remake beds and clean the bathroom. He does the bins (inc tip runs). I do "sort outs" of clothes/toys etc. He does DIY.

4.Life admin
I do packed lunches and school bags because I do school runs. We share gift buying. We both pick up clothes for the kids if we see they are in need. He sorts ds hair (barbers together), I sort dds. All Bill's are direct debit. He sorts his cars MOT, I sort mine. Doctors and dentist booked by either of us, as needed.

Both work full time:

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

50/50 evenly split

1. Cooking & food shopping

100% me

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

We have a cleaner 4 hours a week, I do laundry, he does all washing up

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

90% me

I work 3 days to my DH’s 5.

1. He does drop offs and I pick up from childcare.
2. I cook and do the food shopping
3. I do general housework, he does all the clothes washing
4. Life admin I do the child life admin, he does all the insurances/most bills/MOTs etc

I’m happy with how it’s split but sometimes we both have weeks where we need some extra help and that’s ok! Nothing can be perfectly shared all the time. We support each other.

I work 4 days a week, dp works 5.
DS goes to nursery when I work but the rest is me 80% dp 20%
Food shopping/cooking me 90%
Housework/cleaning and life admin 100% me.

I work maybe 30h/week & DH does maybe 20 h/wk. Mostly WFH. No paid 'help'. I do ~25% of work in categories OP lists, except only 5-10% of cooking/food shopping or DIY.

I do 80% of pet care, 90% of decluttering/tidying or redecorating.

Long story short we pretty much do everything together.

We work the same hours (same company) so we drop off and collect dc together
Shopping-mostly together or I do it
Cooking- dh does 90%
Cleaning/household/laundry- I do 90% (usually while dh cooks)
Activities drop off- usually together
Life admin- we sort it together mostly. Or 50/50

No hired help...

@BettyBotta

….what % of the following do you do on an average week? And do you have external help (eg cleaner / nanny / gardener)?

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

1. Cooking & food shopping

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

Reason I ask before someone says I’m a journalist (I’m not) is that I feel I do too much. I work 4 days per week (from home) and do over 80% of the above. DH is not lazy but he works ridiculous hours, has a long commute so is simply not here

DH does all the gardening, and stuff like cleaning the cars, but that’s an issue in itself as it eats into weekends (he has no free time other than weekends) so when combined with his hobby (which I fully support - I share the same hobby myself) it leaves too little family time.

Currently we don’t have any paid help but we are looking at putting something in place as I am completely overwhelmed.

(Yes I know single parents do it all and I take my hats off to them, must be really tough)

Both DH and I work full time (44 hours a week). He works from home completely (unless he’s onsite), I work partly from home. My breakdown is:

1. 0%. I only do these once in a blue moon even when wfh as I work in childcare & own my nursery so my day starts at 7am and ends at 6-7pm.

1. 0-25% food shopping, but I do cook 100% of the meals.

1. He does the lionshare of the cleaning currently so I probably only do 30% (Vacuuming is my job). We are going to outsource this as it’s just too much and neither of us enjoys it.

1. Life Admin is 50/50 but I probably do 100% of the thinking behind it & DH will pay for it.

1. Gardening is my responsibility if we want it to look nice. So I plant, weed, trim etc. He mows the lawn.

We both work full time:

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

50/50. He drops off, I pick up. I take swimming, he takes to gymnastics. We take it in turns for birthday parties.

1. Cooking & food shopping

Whoever can be arsed. We're really crap at being organised in the shopping department. He's a better cook than me, but we split evening meal cooking roughly half/half. He's also vegan, I eat meat. So lots of the time we each cook our own meals, share child feeding.

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

He mostly does the washing - it gets up the stairs clean and dry, I tend to put things away. He does the bins. I do cleaning of bathrooms, hoovering, mopping. We both clean the kitchen as we're going along.

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

He packs school bag because he does drop off. Whoever is doing the birthday party drop off (take it in turns), sorts out the present for the child. New clothes for child - I do school uniform and dull other stuff, he tends to buy random lovely things off ebay. I sort out booking of school lunches on the system. He does dentist always, he does Drs if it's in the school day as his work is more flexible. He has sorted out the last few child haircuts. He does cars and insurances/house insurances/energy suppliers. I do travel insurance, water and council tax. I have internet banking, he doesn't - so I do that. I organise paying for swimming or gymnastics.

I feel it's very much 50/50.

I work 4 days a week, DH works full time.

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

Our children are now teens. We make them walk to school. Sadly they're not yet old enough to drive. DH does as near as dammit all the take to activities/take to social events, and more importantly, pick up teenagers at silly o'clock in the morning journeys. I will do it, but only if DH isn't able to for some reason. He also does all dog walking, although I sometimes go with him, health permitting.

1. Cooking & food shopping

I do menu planning and (online) food shopping. DH collects if its a C&C, but normally I get a delivery. Generally we both unpack & put away the shop together, but I'd say reasonably often I do it on my own because DH is out (usually driving the teens around, rather than out having fun!). Cooking is fairly evenly shared. He always puts the coffee pot on every morning before taking dog for a walk, so I have coffee waiting for me when I get downstairs, which I love:)

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

More me than him. His standards are def lower than mine, so sometimes he needs a nudge. I'm mildly disabled though, so some things he has to do (anything involving heavy lifting or high reaching). I can expect him to empty the bins/take bins out/unload dishwasher as needed. I have to nudge him for cleaning and hoovering. Washing is generally mine to do, but he tends to help with hanging out.

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

Teens do their own school bags/birthday gifts (for friends) / clothes / haircuts (we just have to pay!) Finances me Dentist booking me dr and dentist appointments taking them to-either insurances me bills me (but pretty much all set up on direct debit) Anything car related (both cars) DH Gifts for kids, mostly me with DH input Home repairs - noticed and instigated by me. Done by DH if he can. If tradesman needed I arrange. Mostly I'm the driving force, but DH picks up lots of the physical stuff. I'm the worrier and the organiser, but DH takes his fair share of the doing!

I think we're fairly well balanced on the whole.

I work 22 hours per week, DH is paid for 37.5 but does more than that.

1. Drop offs and pick ups. 50% each.

1. Cooking and shopping. 90% me.

1. Cleaning etc. 90% me.

1. Life admin. 50% each.

I'd say we get pretty equal downtime.

1. 95%

1. 80%

1. 75%

1. 100% up to the haircuts

1. 0% from haircuts as DH does all financial stuff

No external help. Overwhelmed and pissed off at having to do most of the chores

DH works 4 short days, I work 5 long days

1 - n/a as DCs now all grown ups. When DCs were younger DH did 99%
2 - me 0% DH 100%
3 - me 10% DH 90%
4 - me 90% DH 10%

I do get an easy ride. However DH feels he gets an easy ride as well. He gets to enjoy his hobbies (DIY & allotment gardening) but these benefit the household. I'm the planner, DH is the doer. It works for us.

We probably share food shopping 50-50. DH cooks at weekends because he enjoys cooking. Everything else i do 100%.

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

I do more childcare as I have 2 days off mid week with the toddler. School/nursery drop offs and pick ups are 50/50. My DM looks after the toddler for part of the week as well (he only does nursery till 1pm)

2. Cooking & food shopping

DH does the big shop (I dont drive), I do little top up shops in the week. DH cooks on my working days, I cook on DHs office days.

3. Cleaning, washing, general housework

I do more housework as I have 2 days 'off'. DH always does the washing up and the kitchen while I put the DC to bed.

4. Life admin

50/50

I work 3 days a week. DH is full time.

We have a cleaning lady for 2 hours a week who does kitchen, bathroom, living room, hall, cloakroom and landing.

DH works from home so keeps on top of laundry. He also walks the dog, takes care of most of the bills and mows the lawn. We get a gardener in a couple of times a year to blitz the borders.

I do school drop-offs and we have a childminder which does school pick ups. I also do the rest of the housework, cook the evening meals and do all other life admin for DS - packed lunches, buy school uniform, organise swimming lessons, dentist/doctor appts etc.

To be honest, most of the time the house is messy and chaotic. We're never on top of stuff but have just accepted that this is the way it is....

@BettyBotta

….what % of the following do you do on an average week? And do you have external help (eg cleaner / nanny / gardener)?

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

1. Cooking & food shopping

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

Reason I ask before someone says I’m a journalist (I’m not) is that I feel I do too much. I work 4 days per week (from home) and do over 80% of the above. DH is not lazy but he works ridiculous hours, has a long commute so is simply not here

DH does all the gardening, and stuff like cleaning the cars, but that’s an issue in itself as it eats into weekends (he has no free time other than weekends) so when combined with his hobby (which I fully support - I share the same hobby myself) it leaves too little family time.

Currently we don’t have any paid help but we are looking at putting something in place as I am completely overwhelmed.

(Yes I know single parents do it all and I take my hats off to them, must be really tough)

1. 50/50 some weeks one of us does more than the other depending on meetings or our health but I’d say it balances out to 50/50 across the board

2. I do 100% of the cooking but I love cooking so that’s my choice (also DH can’t cook) If for whatever reason I’m unable to DH is capable of basic stuff like oven pizza. I also do all the food shopping but I do a big month online order so it’s not any hassle I have it all saved in a favourites / list way and just auto add to my basket. Any fresh stuff I need to get I go to the local shops and enjoy that. I like having a chat with the butcher and the ladies at the bakery.

3. we have a cleaver who comes very 2 weeks but otherwise again 50/50 split. We don’t really have assigned “jobs” we just do what needs doing or on a Saturday DH will say right I’m tackling the washing today and I’ll do the beds.

4. works out 50/50. I handle the money side but that’s just because I have financial anxiety after being left in a massive hole by a financially abusive ex previously but tbh all our bills are on DDs and any invoices that come in we just pay straight away using baking apps,
   Kids we both do it. We have a family Calendar app on both phones so whoever makes appointments just puts in in there so we both have info. Usually on a Sunday we’ll look at it and decide who’s doing what if anything is needed.
   DH 100% car but that’s because I don’t drive