If you are part of a two parent family where both parents work

[BettyBotta]

….what % of the following do you do on an average week? And do you have external help (eg cleaner / nanny / gardener)?

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

1. Cooking & food shopping

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

Reason I ask before someone says I’m a journalist (I’m not) is that I feel I do too much. I work 4 days per week (from home) and do over 80% of the above. DH is not lazy but he works ridiculous hours, has a long commute so is simply not here

DH does all the gardening, and stuff like cleaning the cars, but that’s an issue in itself as it eats into weekends (he has no free time other than weekends) so when combined with his hobby (which I fully support - I share the same hobby myself) it leaves too little family time.

Currently we don’t have any paid help but we are looking at putting something in place as I am completely overwhelmed.

(Yes I know single parents do it all and I take my hats off to them, must be really tough)

We don't have any external help.

I do drop offs and get DS ready for the childminders, DH does pick ups and we take it in turn doing dinner; whoever cooks the other does the dishes and tidies etc and bedtimes are pretty even.

We do our own washing and I do DS' and a deep clean of the house once a week- he tends to do the DIY and garden but it's not set in stone. I tend to do the meal planning for the shop and so do the main meals part of an online order and then we both add stuff we want. For top ups like bread etc it's just whoever is popping to the shop will have a look at what we need and get it.

We look after our own life admin like when MOTs are due, house insurance etc is all due at the same time so we just review them once a year, doesn't seem a big deal. Stuff for DS it depends, I usually have a look on the online childcare portal and see what I need to pack in his bag, and then appointments we just see who gets the letter/reminder and book it and then sort who's going to take him. Presents we do our own families on the whole.

I worked 25 hours a week (still do, I'm lucky) and did all the tasks you mentioned 100% cooking, shopping etc. Except I had a cleaner. Mowing was his job but rest of gardening shared on a blitz 4 times a year basis.

One dd has sn so weekly appointments for her as well hence not returning to full time.

Kids dropped on the way to work, collected on way home until 11, then they cycled or took bus. I would shop on my way to the school most days as the thought of a big shop did my head in, cook, take to activities, supervise homework- no smart phones then so took laptop with me often to activities to do admin. Washing I put on in the morning and switched to the dryer whilst cooking, put away at bed time (he did book reading)

Wasn't too bad to be honest but I don't have high expectations

Oh and he worked at least 50 often over 60 hours a week, working time directive doesn't apply

we both work 4 days - me p/t and DH compressed hours, both wfh.

I would say that we are as close to 50/50 as we can get, DH probably does more than me when it is all worked out as he does the vast majortiy of the dog walks.

We each do school drop offs/pick ups on our days off and split the other 3 days, so for instance today I will drop off and he will pick up.

He does all of the cooking and makes the packed lunches each day but we share the cleaning up and doing the dishwasher etc.

I do the laundry and clean the bathrooms. He deals with the bins (my least fav job) and all other things that I struggle with such as child and dog vomit.

We don't iron much but when we do it tends to be DH that does it.

Life admin also split pretty evenly, DH sorts insurances and house stuff etc. I do school forms and book the tickets for stuff etc.

Tbh it's not like we sat down and agreed a list at any point we have just fell into a rythm over the years and if we notice that the other has been busy at work and not managed to do xyz that they usually would then the other just does it. No resentment. I think we are a good team.

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections- almost all during the week, DH leaves the house at about 7.15am and gets home around 5.30pm. He does take DS to sporting stuff at the weekend though.

1. Cooking & food shopping- main shopping all of it, topping up bread and milk DH does on the way home. Cooking is "out-sourced" about 2 or 3 times a week. Fruit and veg is delivered weekly from the local market delivery service.

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework- most of it. I don't do anything to do with the garden/ bins. DDog walking is shared equally- he does am, I do pm.

1. Life admin- I do my family, he does his. Ditto cars (with help from the other in terms of pick ups, drop offs). DS is generally up to me, DDog is officially mine (and I was the driving factor in getting him) so I deal with that. Holidays are a joint effort. Dog walker 3 times weekly.

We both work in schools but his job is senior to mine and the hours/ meetings reflect that. He works about an hour away whereas I work less than 10 minutes from home. DS is in 6th form but has some SEND which require specific support and time at home.

Unless he has a driving commute, the commute is a perfect time for him to do some stuff.

He can meal plan and do an online shop.
He can do admin tasks - sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT (book it in with consultation with you)

You can get a gardener and a cleaner.

1 - 50/50 despite me being part time and DH FT

2 - cooking DH does more, ideally I would do very little but he's not always available when I want the kids to eat. I do the food shop.

3 - we have a cleaner and do barely anything else housework wise. Tidying up is 50/50. I do all the laundry.

4 - mainly me but DH is aware of stuff and helpfully reminds me I don't do anything for him, only me and dc.

Cars get washed by the nice men down the road every few months, that's not a weekly job.

We both work full time and DD is at nursery.

Drop off and pick ups - generally 50/50 split but slightly more me because DH can’t drive due to a medical condition and it is a bit of a walk, especially in the pouring rain with a pushchair.

Cooking - more me
Food shopping - we do click and collect and again that’s me actually getting it due to DH not being allowed to drive. We both add to the shopping list throughout the week.
Cleaning/washing/housework - 50/50
Life admin - hard to say, I do everything car related and it sort of ended up that I therefore also did home insurance. Stuff for DD is both of us, DH probably more aware of the mortgage, what the rate is, when the fixed period is up etc but we’ll discuss it when it comes time to fix again. He also tends to deal with any household stuff, like if we need to get the boiler serviced. It’s probably roughly 50/50.

Broadly speaking, it balances out at 50/50 in all areas. We also have external help in the form of my parents who do some childcare, often take on DIY jobs and do some laundry for us.

I work 4 days over 5 (2 half days) and DH works 5 days. We both have quite high stress jobs that require us to log on after hours.

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

I do 90% of the preschool drop offs and pick ups, unless I’m in a meeting or have a reason I can’t make it. This is a hangover from when we were required in the office full time though, as it’s on the way to my work as opposed to DHs. I don’t mind doing it to be honest as it doesn’t take long out of the day. I do all the extra curricular activities as I arranged them all. Again, I don’t mind.

1. Cooking & food shopping

Cooking is probably 60/40 to me. Whoever finishes first starts dinner, but I’m more conscious of the time and the need for the DC to be picked up/fed. I do 90% of the food shopping too.

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

We have a cleaner. We both wipe up, hoover round etc equally. Washing is a true 50/50 split but putting the damn clothes away falls to me as DH loathes it.

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

Anything DC related is me. Anything medical/dental is me. Packing bags is me.

Anything house/car/finances related is DH.

DH works 45 hours a week, I work 28. I do all drop offs, pick ups, homework, cooking, bathtime, bedtime and about 90% of the cleaning. Sometimes I feel like I'm left to do too much, but he leaves just as the DCs wake up and comes home once they are ready for bed, so not sure what else he could do. I also do book bags, lunch boxes, sorting out DCs clubs, new clothes for DCs, Christmas and birthday gifts and finding insurance which he then pays for. He sorts the car maintenance out though.

Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections
not relevant much anymore as DS is a teenager but it was always 50:50 outside of work hours

Cooking & food shopping. 65%-DH 45%-me. DH did all planning and Dodd shopping, we shared the cooking

Cleaning, washing, general housework 50:50.

Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc).

DS/ school stuff maybe 40% DH 60% me as I worked PT

but household non DS related like bills/ changing providers/ insurance etc 90%DH

I work 37.5 hours with no commute. He works 54 hours with a total of 12 hours commute over the week (driving so can't use the time for something else). I do all the school runs and most life admin and cleaning. He does cooking and cleaning when he can but most of it falls to me because I'm home more than he is. The bins are his responsibility and anything to do with the cars or fixing things around the house.

1. 50% we both do 4 days and alternate drop offs (I usually drop and he picks up, if one of us does both one day, the other does both the next)
2. 20% we share the shopping but OH cooks 4 nights out of 5, I just hate cooking and he quite likes it, I try and always pay for meals out to balance it
3. Maybe 30% I do all the hoovering and bathrooms, he does most of the kitchen and gardening, more laundry, we are equal with bins, dishwasher and hanging / putting away clothes
4. 75% he did holidays (pre pandemic), I do everything else, nursery, doctor admin

I worked shifts over 7 days with 3 days off but used to do sleepovers.
Dh was self employed ( until 3 years ago)
I cant put it into percentage form but both Dh and I did what needed doing between us. I felt fully supported. In fact I felt like I had an easy option.
He took time off when they were sick. He did the main shopping.
I preferred to do the cooking but he would when I wasnt there and plate me a meal up for when I got home.
If it was a weekend when we were both off we would make the most and try and do an overnight somewhere with the kids. If we didnt go away we would , as often as we could get up and go out somewhere and have tea out.
Dh did ( and still does) clean the loo and bathroom, Hoover up etc. So do I.

I sort the money out. That's the way its evolved and I'm happy to do.
When the kids were small I tended to take them for medical appointments if they were in the day time because I would make them for when I wasnt on shift.
Dh took them to the barbers most of the time as he would get his hair done at the same time.
I sorted my car out. I would know when it needs an mot, wev used the same garage for years so I would book it in when it suited.

Post school day activities we sorted between us. I would either drop off and pick up or Dh would. Sometimes I would drop off and he would time it so he could pick them up on the way home from his work. He always took time out for sports days and parents evenings.
We both ( actually all that live in the house now) do the laundry. We can see when the laundry tub is full.
Dh didn't have a hobby when the kids were little because he spent all his free time with them and me. As we all got older he got the boys interested in motor mechanics so they did that together on Saturday mornings while I went out walking with my friend.

1. dds are older and walk home, but wrt being at home to do childcare as he’s gone out to a gig, is away with work and has been invited to something, it’s 100% me. Even when dds were in ASC I’d be doing 90% of it. When dd started at Senior school,
2. cooking, dh does about 20% of it. He’ll cook a meal or two during the week. I do all the good shopping as if I left it to him he’d buy stuff we don’t need. He gets bread, milk and wine during the week, he can’t be trusted to do a food shop and is banned coming shopping with me.
3. I’d say I do 80% if this. I do dds washing, he does his own. He’s ruined some lovely bras of mine before and we know they’re not cheap. He once trapped a bra of mine in the door of the washing machine and broke the washing machine as well as my bra and my white bras turn grey. He’ll run the hoover around, but he will keep the solid wood floors clean with wipes after they’ve been swept/hoovered.
4. Life admin I do 90% if that. We split paying bills, so I pay some, he pays gas, electric, water, council tax (no mortgage as we’re mortgage free). I do lunches, trips, new clothes, presents for birthdays/Christmas, play dates, doctors and recently dh has been taking dds to the dentist. He has a phobia, so I told him to at least take dds to get over it otherwise they’ll end up with teeth like his.

@BettyBotta

….what % of the following do you do on an average week? And do you have external help (eg cleaner / nanny / gardener)?

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

1. Cooking & food shopping

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

Reason I ask before someone says I’m a journalist (I’m not) is that I feel I do too much. I work 4 days per week (from home) and do over 80% of the above. DH is not lazy but he works ridiculous hours, has a long commute so is simply not here

DH does all the gardening, and stuff like cleaning the cars, but that’s an issue in itself as it eats into weekends (he has no free time other than weekends) so when combined with his hobby (which I fully support - I share the same hobby myself) it leaves too little family time.

Currently we don’t have any paid help but we are looking at putting something in place as I am completely overwhelmed.

(Yes I know single parents do it all and I take my hats off to them, must be really tough)

1. 100%. DC goes to after school club at school until 630 so I pick him up and then work after he's in bed.
2. 99%. Husband occasionally picks up milk or something if its absence is inconveniencing him.

3.75% of the day to day stuff. We have a cleaner one day a week who blitz cleans.

1. 100%.

Yes I'm resentful as hell.

1. 50%
2. 0%
3. 100%
4. 50%

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

he does the morning, i do the afternoon. good 50/50 split

1. Cooking & food shopping

Ocado shop mostly we both edit throughout the week. I do most of the dinners, he does the lunch when WFH as he wants more proper food.

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

Probably 60/40 to him to be fair!!

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

here i do school bags, gifts, clothes, appointments and kids stuff
he does insurance, car, join account checking (but i have access to it all too) and so on...

So i am quite lucky overall to be honest...

1. Childcare / school / activity drop offs & collections

DS goes to nursery Mon-Fri. DH drops off and I pick up. Weekends we generally spend as a family, with equal amounts of time for ourselves where the other person looks after DS.

1. Cooking & food shopping

I do 100% of both. DH would be happy to split it, but I prefer doing it myself. He’ll sort food for himself and DS if I’m out.

1. Cleaning, washing, general housework

Approx. 50/50. We tend to have tasks we each do more of e.g. DH will hoover and do the ironing, I do all washing, tidying, dusting. We don’t have a cleaner.

1. Life admin (eg packing school bags / sorting out birthday gifts / sorting new clothes for kids / dealing with kids’ doctors, dentists, haircuts etc / sorting out insurances / internet banking / paying bills / taking car for MOT etc etc etc)

Probably 70/30 with me doing the lion’s share. Again, more because I like to be on top of the day-to-day tasks, paperwork, etc as it makes me feel more organised and in control.

**We both work full time, WFH.

My husband works full-time (of which 3 days at home currently) and I work 3 days, but not from home.

As I have a very early start, husband drops off child at before school care, on my work days and I collect him from after school care, unless I have commitments at work that have me in longer than usual, then husband collects.

We have a cleancer once a week, but we'll vacuum as we have a cat. Husband tends to do the washing whilst working from home when he's in a meeting. He does the weekly shop, I do the market shop and top up shops on non-work days if needed. Cooking is fairly evenly split, but we tend to have left overs on my work days.

Life-admin and child-admin is mostly me, but husband will do bits if asked. Our son swims twice a week, and we take him one time each.

I feel the mental load is very much on me though. I used to do much more, as I used to be more flexible with my time, but now I'm working in this job, I am not massively flexible, so we've adressed the balance and are making it work.

1. 50% I do drop off, he does pick up. This does mean that he takes her to all her after school activities though
2. 66% We do the food shopping together online, I do breakfast and lunch, he does dinner. I tend to cook more at the weekends.
3. 33% We have a cleaner. He does all the laundry. I do weeding, he does the heavy garden stuff (there is a lot), washes cars, DIY, bins. I tidy up.
4. 90% I do pretty much all the life admin. He deals with MOTs/ car services. I do all the rest. He has ADHD. This is the bit I find most unfair as the mental load is all on me.

• we both work FT, both WFH now.

I used to work full time and then DD was in aftercare 2-3 nights a week. Now I’m PT (75% of full time) and DP wfh we don’t have any aftercare.

We share all housework probably 50-50. This varies depending on if I’m on school holidays with DD where I pick up more. During term time DP does more cooking and collects DD from school 3-4 times a week.

We have no other help. When I worked FT (with management responsibilities) life was very difficult. I dropped hours and responsibility (plus lots of money!) so we all get a better balance.it means DP puts in more to the family pot but we are coping better.

My answer now DS is an adult is in the past.

Childcare was split or paid for, DH actually did more because his job was incredibly flexible. I ordered bulk of food online and would go off alone on a Saturday to walk 2 miles to local market for fresh fruit and veg and DH would pick me up. We had a cleaner, I did more tidying but DH did more laundry. Admin we shared, I did the school stuff while he did insurances. Present and birthday cards we did our own family, same with Christmas cards. Mine don’t send so I don’t do any :) but DH family send to all and sundry so he has loads to do each year. His Mum always did the cards, she was a SAHP with a housekeeper. I remember his assumption and me laughing at the suggestion.