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Original poster

School saying not appropriate lagunage for a child

109 replies

Buzlightyear1 · 02/11/2021 15:40

So I came to pick up my son today hes 4 and half. The teacher asked to speak to me she said my son had been taking part in the siging they were doi g nursery rhymes. Then he told the teacher that he does this at lovey lovey time. Meaning bedtime. The teacher was concerned as she said the language s not appropriate for his age and wanted to check everything was OK at home. It is its just myself and my child. Now I'm concerned she may think there is a problem at home I have no problem with them talking to my son. She also mentioned him using the toilet more today which I said of course I will keep a eye on him and if needs I will take to the dr and could they please let me know what he is like tomorrow. Do you think they will do anything else ? I felt very strange with the situation. It was a weird situation where she did it in front of other parents and teachers to as u don't go near or in classes due to covid

OP posts:

maofteens · 02/11/2021 15:46

She obviously read more into it than there was but good she did check as not enough do safe guarding of chikdten as we all know. However, why on earth she had what should be a very private conversation within other people's hearing is outrageous and I would complain to the head - not that the conversation took place but where it took place (and presumably in front of your child)?
. Covid is no excuse - a phone call if they can't organise a meeting in an office (which itself is ridiculous).

OhMyfanwy · 02/11/2021 15:50

They are over reacting to the incidents. You call it what you want. He'll grow out of it. I'm not a fan of giving things pet names but that's just me
Going to the loo more could be concerning but they should monitor it to see if it continues. One day does not deserve a mention. We all have days where we wee, poo, eat or drink more

Original poster

Buzlightyear1 · 02/11/2021 15:51

Yes that was more my problem and I said to her I would rather that they ask. But I felt so strange with all the parents there and my child was right there. He was then confused himself thinking he said something bad. The thing is I have never called it that and either has he . I think he said it as we do books songs and then say our I love us and go to bed. I am glad they check and I have no problem with them speaking to him at all. It was so embarrassing and bound to be local gossip now as we live in a very small village. I will definitely complain thank you. I just wanted to make sure I was not overacting

OP posts:

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Tal45 · 02/11/2021 15:59

I guess she's putting two and two together and coming up with five. That he maybe using the toilet a lot because he's been abused and the abuser called bedtime 'lovey lovey' time. It's great that she's picked up on these subtle things from a safeguarding perspective but it's not an appropriate conversation at all to have in front of other parents.
I think I would want to contact the school to discuss it properly face to face, explain why he calls it lovey lovey time and say you were happy to discuss their concerns and appreciate their vigilance but you didn't feel it was appropriate for it to be raised in front of all the other parents and teachers.

Tal45 · 02/11/2021 16:03

@Buzlightyear1

He may then have called it 'love you love you' time because you say that to each other and if said quickly (and drop the y's) sounds like lovey lovey time. I'm not sure lovey lovey is really age inappropriate, but it could be the sort of thing an abuser would say to make something sound normal and good and is less likely to be said by a child (I guess).

dailydreamin · 02/11/2021 16:07

Giving things names like that only leads to confusion for children if/when they are trying to disclose something to a teacher. Just like naming your body parts, you call them by the correct name. I can totally see why the teacher jumped to conclusions OP.

neededafart · 02/11/2021 16:09

Why is he calling it lovey lovey time. Honestly I think it's really odd terminology for bed time.

The teacher sounds on the ball about safeguarding to me.

FreeBritnee · 02/11/2021 16:09

Sad times. Op you have done nothing wrong.

GreyhoundG1rl · 02/11/2021 16:10

Do you actually call bedtime "lovey lovey time" yourself? It's quite odd, tbh. I can certainly see why they raised a possible issue.

girlmom21 · 02/11/2021 16:12

I've actually read your post OP, where you said neither of you call it "lovey lovey time"

Do you ever say "let's have a love before you go to sleep"? Or anything similar. Some people call hugs/cuddles 'loves'.

Otherwise he may have meant "love you love you" time, but it's really good that she's caught this to be honest.

I'd rather them be cautious than let a child who's being abused slip through the net.

Original poster

Buzlightyear1 · 02/11/2021 16:13

No I don't call bedtime lovey lovey time or anythingike that. Its called bedtime also my son has never said lovey love Time to me before to describe anything at all let alone bedtime. What we do is say our I love you. Where we say silly things I've I love u more than sweets etc. But don't call that lovey lovey time or anything Either.

OP posts:

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 02/11/2021 16:14

He may then have called it 'love you love you' time because you say that to each other and if said quickly (and drop the y's) sounds like lovey lovey time.

I bet this is what happened, given that you’ve never actually called it that, OP.

What a shame, because it’s quite a sweet innocent mistake but I can totally see why it rings oddly to an adult’s ear.

I wouldn’t be at all happy about her bringing it up in front of everyone though.

dailydreamin · 02/11/2021 16:15

Does he sleep anywhere else OP? Could be have got the "lovey lovey time" from someone else??

LethargicActress · 02/11/2021 16:15

You have done nothing wrong, but you also have nothing to complain about.

There’s nothing wrong with a teacher checking what a child means with their parent when they use unusual language. The teacher will be well aware that it was likely to be nothing, but tbf it would be odd for a parent to be using ‘lovey lovey’ time to mean bedtime with a school age child so it would be worth her mentioning it to a parent so that they could use more usual language with their child. It’s

Comedycook · 02/11/2021 16:15

@FreeBritnee

Sad times. Op you have done nothing wrong.

What's sad? Safeguarding children? I think "lovey lovey time" to mean bedtime would definitely ring alarm bells...it's quite odd terminology. Obviously I agree, it's not a conversation to be had in front of other parents.

Original poster

Buzlightyear1 · 02/11/2021 16:16

Obviously I would rather they ask than let any child be at risk but also I would rather iy be done in a more private way. It was just embarrassing as they have all the other parents in line waiting to pick there kids up. And its obvious what she thought which I understand. I just wish it was handled a bit better like asking me to go to the class room or a email or a phone call. Anything else just not infront of the school.

OP posts:

saraclara · 02/11/2021 16:17

No way should she have discussed this with you in front of your child. The poor boy now thinks that using an affectionate term is wrong in some way. And if it HAD indicated anything concerning, then the chances of anyone else talking about it to him objectively would have been ruined because he already knows that saying it got him into trouble (in his eyes) so would just clam up.

The teacher went about the whole thing the wrong way. Absolutely appalling.

BananaPB · 02/11/2021 16:20

Strange that he decided to randomly give bedtime cuddles a new name...

You've not done anything wrong and not has he. Teacher has clearly assumed it means something completely different.

Original poster

Buzlightyear1 · 02/11/2021 16:21

Just to be clear I have never ever said lovey lovey or called anything that to my child or anyone else. I think itbwas a genuine mistake. But felt very horrible to have that to be in front of my child and the school. Who will definitely be gossiping now. I would definitely want a child safeguarding isue to be raised if in any doubt and she was obviously. But in an appropriate way like in private even of she needed a witness or something she could have had other teachers in.

OP posts:

saraclara · 02/11/2021 16:22

"lovey lovey time" to mean bedtime would definitely ring alarm bells

Really? We had cuddle time at that age. It never occurred to me that it could ring alarm bells.

It's pretty scary that open affection and affectionate child-level terms used by parent and child now have to be second-guessed. "Sorry poppet, we can't call it cuddle time any more. It's just ..."
Actually I can't think of a 'safe' term for the period between bedtime story and saying goodnight when, parent and child have a hug/cuddle/snuggle whatever.

saraclara · 02/11/2021 16:23

@BananaPB

Strange that he decided to randomly give bedtime cuddles a new name...

You've not done anything wrong and not has he. Teacher has clearly assumed it means something completely different.

Kids do that all the time, don't they? Mine did.

TurnUpTurnip · 02/11/2021 16:26

It does seem odd I can see why it was flagged up

GreyhoundG1rl · 02/11/2021 16:26

I'd expect a school aged child to know what bedtime is actually called, tbh, when talking to either their teacher or their peers?

Curioushorse · 02/11/2021 16:29

Annoying for you, OP- but I'm also going to say well done to the school for flagging something potentially weird. It's a great sign that they're looking out for concerns.

Throughabushbackwards · 02/11/2021 16:33

The teacher should not have discussed this with you in earshot of other parents and pupils. That is clearly out of order and you should email the teacher to tell her that it made you uncomfortable.

As for the safeguarding concern, I think it was good of her to check in with you. This means that the school is alert to concerns and proactive in dealing with them.

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