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Original poster

School saying not appropriate lagunage for a child

109 replies

Buzlightyear1 · 02/11/2021 15:40

So I came to pick up my son today hes 4 and half. The teacher asked to speak to me she said my son had been taking part in the siging they were doi g nursery rhymes. Then he told the teacher that he does this at lovey lovey time. Meaning bedtime. The teacher was concerned as she said the language s not appropriate for his age and wanted to check everything was OK at home. It is its just myself and my child. Now I'm concerned she may think there is a problem at home I have no problem with them talking to my son. She also mentioned him using the toilet more today which I said of course I will keep a eye on him and if needs I will take to the dr and could they please let me know what he is like tomorrow. Do you think they will do anything else ? I felt very strange with the situation. It was a weird situation where she did it in front of other parents and teachers to as u don't go near or in classes due to covid

OP posts:
Cloudyzebra · 02/11/2021 17:31

I'd have thought this would have been resolved quite easily by asking your DS what he meant by that. Presumably he would have replied something along the lines of what you have described, and that would have been the end of it. It doesn't sound like it was handled very well at all by the teacher. That is before you get to speaking to you so publicly.

Original poster
Buzlightyear1 · 02/11/2021 17:31

She definitely said lovey lovey. But I'm wondering of she did miss hear him. As he talks very quickly and so gets him self muddled sometimes.

OP posts:
JustLyra · 02/11/2021 17:39

It's completely inappropriate to bring anything like that up in front of the child and in front of other parents and children.

It's also questionable if she should have brought it up with you before having a word with her safeguarding lead if she was concerned.

No safeguarding training ever says "...and have a chat with the parent in front of everyone" yet every safeguarding talks about the privacy and dignity of the child.

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Somuddled · 02/11/2021 17:40

If neither of you use the term, how do you know he was actually referring to bedtime? Maybe he is referring to something else?

Somuddled · 02/11/2021 17:42

Also where the hell do you live? Parents bothering to register a conversation with a teacher is crazy, never mind gossiping about it afterwards!

Original poster
Buzlightyear1 · 02/11/2021 17:42

Well the teacher said bedtime when she told me.

OP posts:
Benjispruce5 · 02/11/2021 17:43

Should have been in private that she spoke to you BUT she did the right thing. Anything that COULD possibly be language used in sexual grooming/abuse needs to be flagged up . By speaking to you she will have gauges your reaction, heard from you that it’s a family term for bedtime routine and that will be it. It may be recorded in school purely as protection should anything else crop up. Try to remember it’s about protecting your child.

Veronica25 · 02/11/2021 17:43

Are you the only person who does bedtime? Wondering where he got it from. I would be a bit worried too if a child tells me that. It may be nothing but good that she checked instead of-ignoring it; however not good if she did it in front of other people. There are so many things that passed unnoticed/reported sadly.

5lilducks · 02/11/2021 17:45

Ah, sad times indeed and seems like another overaction by a teacher just like this one www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/schoolboy-questioned-lancashire-police-because-he-said-he-lived-terrorist-house-a6822231.html

So sorry they raised their concerns within earshot of other parents OP. They shouldn't have done it. Perhaps you could drop them an email saying that you felt very uncomfortable discussing your child in front of other parents and that if in future they have any concerns please can they raise them in private. You need to let them know that you are upset by how they've handled this imo.

Original poster
Buzlightyear1 · 02/11/2021 17:45

Yes in the only one that does bed time. Its just me and my son. Which I also told the teacher.

OP posts:
Veronica25 · 02/11/2021 17:45

Who else look after your child?

Original poster
Buzlightyear1 · 02/11/2021 17:47

Its just me and my son he has supervised visits with his dad . We have family support from my side but no one apart fron school are left alone with him.

OP posts:
Fetarabbit · 02/11/2021 17:49

It was inappropriate to speak about it in front of others, including your DS.

Benjispruce5 · 02/11/2021 17:49

Supervised visits?

Seedandyarn · 02/11/2021 17:49

I would be furious if the sort of conversation happened in front of others I would be speaking to the HT about it ASAP.
If she genuinely believes its inappropriate or safe guarding issue then it shouldn't be handled publicly at all.
I strongly suspect she's one of those teachers who like to take mothers down a peg or two.
Nip it in the bud as her why this language was used in her presence when it isn't at home, what is happening at school for him to speak this way?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 02/11/2021 17:50

@countrygirl99

My mum used to teach infants and they would sometimes describe things in ways that rang alarm bells with adults just because they are learning how to describe things. My mum came home really relieved one day because the description a child had given of the neighbour flashing was actually him using a torch to help the child's mum look for something in a dark shed. A logical description to a small child, but understandably taken completely the wrong way by an adult.
@countrygirl99

🤣

kids are always surprised when the first time they put up their middle finger adults are horrified.
thumb up - yay, cool
index finger stretch out - ooh you can point!
little finger - zero reaction
middle finger - all hell breaks loose

you can't let them practice but the more you tell them to not do it the more they flip you the bird.

Benjispruce5 · 02/11/2021 17:51

Honestly OP I’ve had various things disclosed to me by children in primary and you have to be so careful. One child told me their dad tickled them every night. Sounds innocent doesn’t it? That term was used by dad to mean something else altogether so I’m sure you can see why teachers have to raise it.Sad

Original poster
Buzlightyear1 · 02/11/2021 17:52

The supervised visit are due to ex using class a drugs and doing a bunch of stupid things in the past when son was small. So I won't let him be around little one by himself due to his unpredictable behaviour. He doesn't see him much though as ex is not that interested.

OP posts:
Benjispruce5 · 02/11/2021 17:53

@Seedandyarn it’s not a competition, it’s safeguarding.

JustLyra · 02/11/2021 17:54

[quote Benjispruce5]@Seedandyarn it’s not a competition, it’s safeguarding.[/quote]
Safeguarding conversations should never happen in front of other parents.

Benjispruce5 · 02/11/2021 17:55

I totally agree as I said upthread but there’s no need to turn the content back on the school. It’s about the child’s safety not one-up-man-ship!

NellieBertram · 02/11/2021 17:56

I would email the school just to let them know that while you are glad the teacher is able to speak to you if they have any concerns about DS, you feel it was inappropriate to raise it in front of the child and other parents. Mention that DS was worried he had done something wrong.
In future you would be pleased to have any sensitive conversations either privately after school or by phone.

RussianSpy101 · 02/11/2021 17:57

I’m with @neededafart and @dailydreamin

Benjispruce5 · 02/11/2021 17:57

What @NellieBertram said.

NavyCream · 02/11/2021 18:03

Maybe your son calls it that as he snuggles up for cuddles and stories, which is completely normal