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Original poster

School saying not appropriate lagunage for a child

109 replies

Buzlightyear1 · 02/11/2021 15:40

So I came to pick up my son today hes 4 and half. The teacher asked to speak to me she said my son had been taking part in the siging they were doi g nursery rhymes. Then he told the teacher that he does this at lovey lovey time. Meaning bedtime. The teacher was concerned as she said the language s not appropriate for his age and wanted to check everything was OK at home. It is its just myself and my child. Now I'm concerned she may think there is a problem at home I have no problem with them talking to my son. She also mentioned him using the toilet more today which I said of course I will keep a eye on him and if needs I will take to the dr and could they please let me know what he is like tomorrow. Do you think they will do anything else ? I felt very strange with the situation. It was a weird situation where she did it in front of other parents and teachers to as u don't go near or in classes due to covid

OP posts:

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 02/11/2021 16:35

eek

I'm glad nobody ever confronted us about DS6's fondness for lemon turd

Evelyn52 · 02/11/2021 16:40

Ah lovey lovey time is sweet ♥️ can't see what's inappropriate tbh.

KevinTheKoala · 02/11/2021 16:41

Unfortunately it's not always an innocent term so it's really good that it was raised - however the teacher should have asked you to hang back until the other children had been collected then had a quiet word with you instead. If there were any major concerns the teacher wouldn't have spoken to you about it first they would have rang social services for an emergency care meeting so the fact that the teacher did speak to you shows that she just wants to make you aware rather than thinking you are doing something wrong.

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countrygirl99 · 02/11/2021 16:56

My mum used to teach infants and they would sometimes describe things in ways that rang alarm bells with adults just because they are learning how to describe things. My mum came home really relieved one day because the description a child had given of the neighbour flashing was actually him using a torch to help the child's mum look for something in a dark shed. A logical description to a small child, but understandably taken completely the wrong way by an adult.

Topseyt · 02/11/2021 16:58

She should have made sure that she spoke to you in private rather than public and yes, you are right to raise this with the headteacher.

I can see how it may have rung alarm bells, but you say you and your DS have never used the term so it is very likely something that has come from DS himself, perhaps on the spur of the moment. One of those "from the mouths of babes and sucklings" moments, which can certainly upstage you.

Viviennemary · 02/11/2021 17:02

Dont really get why anybody would call bedtime for a child lovey lovey time. But seems the teacher did jump to conclusions here.

Drinkingallthewine · 02/11/2021 17:04

I'd have been screwed if DS mentioned popcorn to his nursery teacher back in those days.

It was bloody embarrassing enough in the cinema when he saw the big vat of it and started yelling "COCKPORN!! Mummy, my want COCKPORN!!" at the top of his lungs.

Look, flip this - he said something unusual that a very astute teacher wanted to check with you. The next kid might be using words to describe something sinister that she could be instrumental in preventing. That's a good thing - it means safeguarding training is working.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 02/11/2021 17:11

Not sure what the teacher was expecting you to say? ‘Yes we are abusing him’ this is the bit of safe guarding I don’t really get. If something was going on it would just alert you to covering it up better.

OhPatti · 02/11/2021 17:12

@FreeBritnee

Sad times. Op you have done nothing wrong.

Totally agree.

FreeBritnee · 02/11/2021 17:13

What's sad? Safeguarding children? I think "lovey lovey time" to mean bedtime would definitely ring alarm bells...it's quite odd terminology. Obviously I agree, it's not a conversation to be had in front of other parents.

You don’t think it’s sad that when a child says something that sounds exactly like a young child ‘baby talking’ it’s immediately construed as an abbreviation for sexual abuse. I’m sure you’re right about safe guarding but it’s bloody sad.

TurnUpTurnip · 02/11/2021 17:13

@WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor

I feel teachers do it to catch you off guard and see your reaction then go from there...

makelovenotpetrol · 02/11/2021 17:14

@TurnUpTurnip that's ridiculous no we don't.

Greenmarmalade · 02/11/2021 17:14

They should absolutely not have done this
at the school gates or in front of a child. Not in front of others, either. This is extremely poor safeguarding practice. I would email the headteacher.

For all those saying how great it is- what would the teacher have done if there was an actual concern disclosed at that point, in front of all the parents and the children? Really poor choice.

DickMabutt73962 · 02/11/2021 17:16

@GreyhoundG1rl

Do you actually call bedtime "lovey lovey time" yourself? It's quite odd, tbh. I can certainly see why they raised a possible issue.

Agreed. Creepy at worst, but even at best it's annoying infantile speaking.

Namechangehereandnow · 02/11/2021 17:19

OP I too think your son was probably saying ‘love you, love you’ time. He possibly didn’t say ‘bedtime’ as in his head he was ‘in the moment’ of what comes next after nursery rhymes/stories.

School should DEFINITELY have spoken to you in private, and I would definitely be taking that issue further.

DickMabutt73962 · 02/11/2021 17:19

@Buzlightyear1

Obviously I would rather they ask than let any child be at risk but also I would rather iy be done in a more private way. It was just embarrassing as they have all the other parents in line waiting to pick there kids up. And its obvious what she thought which I understand. I just wish it was handled a bit better like asking me to go to the class room or a email or a phone call. Anything else just not infront of the school.

She handled it wrong on many levels, not just on how it was done. She shouldn't have said anything to you at all. If I was assuming something funny was going on and bed time, and knew you to be the one doing bedtime, I wouldn't (and no safeguarding training would advise you to) say it to you like that. As you'd be alerting the potential abuser.

DickMabutt73962 · 02/11/2021 17:21

Really? We had cuddle time at that age. It never occurred to me that it could ring alarm bells.

Cuddle time isn't lovey lovey time.

Tbh before I got to the end of the OP I thought the implication was going to be that child was being sent off somewhere while mummy and partner had 'lovey lovey time'.

TurnUpTurnip · 02/11/2021 17:23

[quote makelovenotpetrol]@TurnUpTurnip that's ridiculous no we don't.[/quote]
So why do they then?

santabetterwashhishands · 02/11/2021 17:24

I'm actually pissed off myself with teachers discussing things about my child in front of other parents ( she's being assessed for Sen).
Due to covid we can't enter the school building so they report things to the parents at pick up!
I've got family there who I can't stand and the teacher said something about an upcoming assessment in front of the family member today that's going to be spread around the rest of the family by teatime 😡.
Privacy doesn't seem to matter anymore so I have emailed to complain !

Original poster

Buzlightyear1 · 02/11/2021 17:24

Thank you for all the replies I definitely appreciate other people point of view. I do think they were right to bring it up as they obviously had a concern but I do think it was inappropriate to do this in front of other parents. Of course they may want to see your reaction with is also a fair point buy they could have seen that in private. I definitely don't use lovey lovey for bedtime and either does my son I think it was just a quick thing my son said to explain what we do at bedtime storries song and say I love you then sleep.

OP posts:

DickMabutt73962 · 02/11/2021 17:24

@WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor

I've done safeguarding training several times and you definitely shouldn't be alerting the abuser.

TurnUpTurnip · 02/11/2021 17:26

I’ve had a similar situation where my daughter went to school with a scratch on her face I told the office when I dropped her what had happened but I was still confront at the school gates by a teacher because apparently the “message was never past on” if they suspect something then why do they confront the parents? Why do they wait till the end of the day and not call the parents if it’s not to check reaction in person?

Flubbah · 02/11/2021 17:28

I agree the phrase “lovey lovey time” should ring alarm bells. The teacher was reasonable to question it. But it should have been done confidentially in private. I would make a complaint about the unacceptably public way in which she handled a private safeguarding issue.

CaptainFuckedUp · 02/11/2021 17:28

Did she say lovey lovey or lovey dovey?

Tickledtrout · 02/11/2021 17:30

@FreeBritnee

Sad times. Op you have done nothing wrong.

And any concerns should be raised with you in private. Not on the school yard

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