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Original poster

7 year old doesn't want grandparents at her birthday

130 replies

gordonramseyspuffa · 27/10/2021 08:05

I showed my 6 year old the list of people coming to her birthday party as well as her school friends, which includes her Grandparents (my parents.) She started getting agitated and asked if they "could be put in a different room?" Historically my parents have been very involved with my DC, very loving, very hands on, and love them to death and vice versa.

I asked her why she did not want them there and she said "they're just embarrassing and old." I feel quite hurt by this and not sure whether I should be insisting to her that she be proud of her family who love her and want to celebrate her birthday -or it's just a phase they all go through? I remember being a bit embarrassed of my grandparents but that was more when I was an early teen and wanting to appear cool, but certainly not as young as 7?

OP posts:
TravelLost · 27/10/2021 09:58

Tbh it would be a surprise to me to see a 6yo being embarrassed by their DGP being there.

As some pp pointed out it’s likely that she picked that up at school rather than actually feeling embarrassed by it or not wanting their dgp been there. As a parent you also have to teach your dc that what they earn at school isn’t always THE truth and how they should feel about things. Maybe a more appropriate answer is to work through what’s going on and support the dd to find out for herself how she feels about it.
Because let’s be honest, saying you are embarrassed at the idea someone you are really close to been present at your party as a 6yo is very surprising to me…. (And this is where being a 30yo is also very different. And so will it be if it was a 12 or a 16yo)

Cantstopthewaves · 27/10/2021 10:05

@WholeClassKeptIn

Cantstop. Really ? That's axleap. Have you read any of the other replies on this thread?

Nothing to suggest it's an "image" thing.

I would go out with school mums to celebrate my birthday and not include my parents. I'd see them for a different celebration! It's often the same for kids.

The dc labelled them 'old and embarrassing' therefore it's very much an image thing. Pretty sure the grandparents weren't going to be running around doing handstands or sitting in a circle playing pass the parcel and eating all the buffet so it's not really warranted. Chances are they wanted to watch their beloved grandchild having fun with her friends and attend her party to show her how much she means to them (that she's likely been looking forward to and talking about).
Soontobe60 · 27/10/2021 10:10

I’d be horrified if my children had spoken about their grandparents in this way. It’s rude and thoughtless.

However… I usually had 2 parties with my children. If they were having a ‘kids’ party it was always at a venue - bowling, sports centre etc. Only kids invited. They didn’t have these every year (too expensive) but they always had a family get together at home (still do) with all the close relatives.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds 7 year olds Behaviour & development Families
ThePoisonousMushroom · 27/10/2021 10:14

My 8 and 6 year olds adore their grandparents but I don’t invite them to their birthday parties with their friends. At parties they are far more interested in running around with their friends and would feel pulled in 2 directions if their grandparents were there too. We always do a separate ‘birthday tea’ for family.

XiCi · 27/10/2021 10:22

She probably means it will be embarrassing for her grandparents to be joining in with stuff her and her friends will be doing. If you're all going to be together in a smallish room that is likely to happen. It would be usual for family to come a bit earlier or later and actually her suggestion of a separate room for adults is a good one. Your parents probably won't want to be sat round with a group of screaming kids either.

KimmyKimdoo · 27/10/2021 10:26

We usually have a birthday party for friends and then afterwards all the family come round to our house and we eat cake and pen the presents together. Can you do something like that?

Hadjab · 27/10/2021 10:27

There are some really weird family dynamics going on in these posts, that I’m very glad to say do not exist in mine. The thought that a child could be ‘’pulled in all directions’’, or have games ‘’interfered’’ with because grandparents have the audacity to exist is unfathomable. My three kids had great parties with both their friends and extended family in, shock horror, one space, at the same time. The kids were left to enjoy themselves, and nobody was embarrassed at having their grandparents there

tiggerwhocamefortea · 27/10/2021 10:30

@00100001

Because if not it's allowing the little madam to think she can get away with that kind of rude and entitled behaviour regularly. She's 7 and old enough to understand. I'm not into that "gentle parenting" bollocks

Megan2018 · 27/10/2021 10:33

I think it’s a bit odd to mix family with a party for friends-we’d do separate things. But if I had to do
1 event I wouldn’t tolerate that rudeness and would be saying “no party” then. Don’t allow a brat to develop.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 27/10/2021 10:36

@Hadjab

There are some really weird family dynamics going on in these posts, that I’m very glad to say do not exist in mine. The thought that a child could be ‘’pulled in all directions’’, or have games ‘’interfered’’ with because grandparents have the audacity to exist is unfathomable. My three kids had great parties with both their friends and extended family in, shock horror, one space, at the same time. The kids were left to enjoy themselves, and nobody was embarrassed at having their grandparents there
No weird family dynamics for us, just works better for us to have a party for friends and then a family tea party with grandparents. Not least because my parents don’t particularly enjoy going bowling with a bunch of 7 year olds, for example.
00100001 · 27/10/2021 10:37

[quote tiggerwhocamefortea]@00100001

Because if not it's allowing the little madam to think she can get away with that kind of rude and entitled behaviour regularly. She's 7 and old enough to understand. I'm not into that "gentle parenting" bollocks [/quote]
or... it's taking her feelings into consideration, whilst separately dealing with the rudeness. Why can't the child have some sort of autonomy and have their feelings considered in this instance?

Like I say, you'd be happy to be told you MUST have your Nana at your party, or no party? No matter how much it upset you to have your Nana there? No matter how much it changed the dynamics? tough luck, you can't get away with that kind of rude and entitled behaviour anymore.

If you're happy making your kids unhappy and basically telling them to suck it up, because their feelings aren't important - then good for you. But I'd rather have chat with my 7yo to find out what is really going on., and also sconsider their feelings on the matter.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 27/10/2021 10:45

[quote tiggerwhocamefortea]@00100001

Because if not it's allowing the little madam to think she can get away with that kind of rude and entitled behaviour regularly. She's 7 and old enough to understand. I'm not into that "gentle parenting" bollocks [/quote]
All the people posting along these lines - if it was your birthday and you'd planned an activity with your mates which you were really looking forward to (meal out, pub crawl or whatever) and your grandparents asked to come along, would you be fine with that? I bloody wouldn't, because it would completely change the dynamic. Nothing to do with being rude or entitled, it's just that a 6yo can't articulate this and has tried to get the same point across in 6yo terms. She hasn't said those things in front of the grandparents, so no need to be so unpleasant about a small child.

Cuck00soup · 27/10/2021 10:47

Old and embarrassing could be code for “my friends don’t have their grandparents at their parties”.

I was brought up by my Grandparents when I was small, to start with they were just my family. Only when I went to school, did I realise that my family were different to most others. And I suppose I was embarrassed, when other children asked me why I was always picked up by my Grandad.

I’d find out why she phrased it the way she did. She might be being rude, but it’s more likely that she needs reassurance and an explanation that not everyone’s family is the same.

Kentuckycarby · 27/10/2021 10:48

Tough luck.
I wouldn’t pander to this. It’s unkind and she’s acting spoilt. She’s lucky to be getting a party

FictionalCharacter · 27/10/2021 10:52

I would never have invited school friends and GPs to the same party for my DCs. Party for the children, then a visit to the GPs or have them over for tea. The GPs wouldn’t have enjoyed being around a load of other people’s kids playing party games anyway.

FictionalCharacter · 27/10/2021 10:54

I agree @JesusInTheCabbageVan

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 27/10/2021 10:58

Amazing how many people think that 'listening to your child' = spoiling them.

00100001 · 27/10/2021 11:06

@Kentuckycarby

Tough luck. I wouldn’t pander to this. It’s unkind and she’s acting spoilt. She’s lucky to be getting a party
pander to what? her feelings? her upset? her discomfort?

Oh yes ... how fucking awful to acknowledge that your child has their own feelings, wants, needs, fears... how fucking TERRIBLE to consider having a chat with your child to explore what is going on... what SHIT PARENTING to think something might be going on in your kids life and wanting to find out...

oh no, yes the correct solution is "tough fucking shit kiddo! You're lucky to get a party in the first place, and now you have to fucking enjoy it or lose it, despite the fact there's some people you don't want there.... lesson in life little girl, do whatever pleases other people or be punished.... your feelings aren't important... "

bogeythefungusman · 27/10/2021 11:08

I would be knocking that attitude on the head quick smart.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 27/10/2021 11:23

@bogeythefungusman

I would be knocking that attitude on the head quick smart.
Have you considered parenting classes?
SequinnedShawl · 27/10/2021 11:26

Definitely 2 parties. One for friends one for family.

Figgygal · 27/10/2021 11:27

What sort of party is it?
My in laws have been at every party my 9 year old has had whether it was a disco, sports or soft play he wouldn’t have wanted it either way
What sort of child doesn’t want their grandparents to share in their birthday? Bet she will happily take their presents
I think that’s a disgusting attitude and would have told her so straight away

What kind of party is it?

ThePoisonousMushroom · 27/10/2021 11:27

There’s no chance my parents would want to go to soft play or go karting with loads of noisy kids!

00100001 · 27/10/2021 11:28

@bogeythefungusman

I would be knocking that attitude on the head quick smart.
Yes, child, you must not express feelings of embarrassment to your parent. Any expression of such emotions will result in it being dismissed.
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 27/10/2021 11:29

@Figgygal

What sort of party is it? My in laws have been at every party my 9 year old has had whether it was a disco, sports or soft play he wouldn’t have wanted it either way What sort of child doesn’t want their grandparents to share in their birthday? Bet she will happily take their presents I think that’s a disgusting attitude and would have told her so straight away

What kind of party is it?

You would actually tell your 6yo child they have a disgusting attitude? That's horrible Sad