What ages does motherhood get easier?

[strugglingtostaysane]

Please someone on this gloomy Sunday tell me when does having a child get easier? I've been lurking in a million threads where I keep reading that it's going to get easier when DC are 6/8/12months or any other INSERT HERE age.

I have one toddler 13 months and so far I've hated every stage so far. I don't like being alone with DC, he is so bitey and he pulls my hair all the fucking time. I'm always saying "no gentle hands" or whatever the fuck I'm supposed to say not to traumatise him.

Being a mum is nothing like I expected. I thought I understood the relentless of it but there were so many things I didn't expect like the throwing food on the floor ALL the time or him scratching me on the face, I have so many it looks like I got into a fight with an angry cat.

Now he's past 12months I get asked about having another and I want to scream NEVER!! DH sort of agrees with staying at 1 DC but occasionally has delusions of 2 kids. I asked my mum why she pushed me to have kids when it's so brutal on women and it was for her too and she just said " oh this phase of your life will be over before you know it". I read a thread here the other day about motherhood and it was the most insightful thing I've read since getting pregnant. I didn't appreciate that I wouldn't get to live MY life except in service to others, DS, DH, the dog, family life etc . Yes I get pockets of time, mostly when I'm working or DS is in bed but none of it fulfilling in the same way it was before, but I'm always anxiously thinking about food for the next day or washing clothes or something for nursery or the constant to do list in my head

I want to know when I'm going to start enjoying it or at least when is it less fucking all consuming.

To head off the comments which I know will come: yes I had PND, already taking meds and had therapy, not depressed, already back at work (love my work!!) , probably have ADHD but can't get my GP to accept a diagnosis from my teens. I'm not in the U.K.

Honestly, it doesn't really. You will always be thinking about everything that needs done. For me it got a bit easier when I could leave them with my mum or other family member without them crying for me. With my first that was around a year old, with my second it wasn't until he was about 6, with the third who knows, she's only 8 months and I've only left her for a couple of hours a few times.
I like the toddler stage though. From around 18 months.

I have to say this stage to about 3 is particularly bleak. When my dc started sleeping through, dressing himself and being about to communicate properly and get to places himself it was a game changer. I am not the most enamoured mother but I really enjoyed 3-4 and am still enjoying it now. Now they’re at school I have more time for work but carving out me time is a challenge.

DS is 2.5 and I feel like it's starting to get easier and more enjoyable. We've made it through the tantrum stage and he is able to communicate with us well, so we have lovely chats and he makes up games etc. I am now much more excited by parenting as I see the little person he is becoming.

It will get easier, sending support and solidarity

When they play independently. I remember a morning when one was 6, the other 4. They we’re playing upstairs and I realised they genuinely didn’t need me and I could do what I wanted.

In all honesty?? I found things much easier after 2.5. Yes there are tantrums now, but distractions and diversions work wonders and my now 3 year old is so engaging and affectionate.

We had a rough start with DS, I had PND that didn't get diagnosed till 10 months, he was a high needs baby, wouldn't sleep without a lot of input from DH and I. We didn't start talking about another till DS was 2, didn't start trying for a while after that and I'm now 30 weeks.

Don't get me wrong, there are days I question that choice, but on the whole he's a lovley child!

My seven year old is delightful company!

Other two still quite hard work but I would say from 4 much less of a slog.

I found the first 3 years quite tough with my son. I've found it much easier since then and now he is 5 it's really lovely. I had a new baby in the spring and I've found it all very positive from the beginning. She sleeps much better than he did and I know everything is a phase. I can highly recommend having "only" one child - it was lovely - but if you do think you might want more than one then waiting until your first is in reception would be a good idea. Yes, it does drag out the baby years and the monotony a bit but it also means you're only dealing with one baby at a time and have a cool little kid to keep you company during it.

However you don’t need to spend your life in service - at least not to your husband or the dog.

Carve out some time for yourself - and let them do their own thing for a few hours. They’ll be fine and it will be good for you.

Really depends on the individual child. DC1 really started being a joy at 3 and things definitely got easier the more he could talk and communicate, the primary years were lovely. DC2 very different personality as well as having some additional needs such as ASD- newborn-18 months was actually the easiest stage by far.

Miles better from five. Hang in there x

I think it gets easier when they can talk although there are still tantrums. Then easier again at 3/4 then much better when they are school aged. I have been told it gets bad again for teens though but in different ways.

Hang in there. I strangely miss those days now.

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If you are fairly useless they learn to be self sufficient quicker my two are 6 and 8 and they know better than to rely on me to remember anything!

More seriously it gets better when they can communicate, rather than just pull hair, and also when it doesn't matter quite so much that they eat something at bang on 11.45 and nap at precisely 2pm or whatever. 2yo will be easier than now, 3yo easier again.

I’m sure it gets easier as such, but you might find you enjoy a stage/age more. My DS is only 4 but I’d say 3-4?has been mist enjoyable and I’ve felt most like ‘me’ as well as ‘mummy’ You might find as your child gets older you enjoy sharing a hobby/passion etc with them.

Oh it's all shit before 18 months then gets better and better. Talking is the game changer for me. Once I can converse then it feels like I get a lot more back.

My 2 and a half year old is very engaging and I enjoy him an awful lot. We went through a tough bit from maybe 14 months to 20 months ish. Irrational, can't communicate, frustrated, the odd tantrum. Things just felt up hill. But now he's honestly delightful. I don't enjoy playing games with him much but we have our little things that we both enjoy. And we chat nonsense which I love.

For me the golden period was age 3-13

My nine year old is generally very easy and pleasant to look after and has been since probably about 5/6 about the age where:
They dress themselves
They don't wake you in the night or stupid o'clock in the morning.
They happily entertain themselves in another room for a decent length of time.
You can take them to a park/soft play and settle down with a coffee whilst they run off.
They can hold a conversation with you.
I'm savouring this phase until the pre-teen years steal it all away!

Mine are 14 and 11 and it's by far not my favourite part of parenting at all. And they are just normal, pushing boundaries, sensible, hard working girls with no additional needs.

I would go back to baby, 1,2,3 etc in a heartbeat. However I think there are challenges in all age groups to be honest for different reasons.

Thanks all. DS is super engaging already. On that side of things I can see how some joy can found later on but I never knew I was so sensitive to food mess. He throws / explores food (as he should be doing!) but I hate hate hate it. I hate all meal times. I hate the mess, the cold food on the floor and cleaning up. Plus the tantrums as he wants to feed himself but goes everywhere. When does that stop?

In all honesty it really depends on you and your child and both of your temperaments. The same parent can find one child a breeze while another child a total challenge.

However my experience with my first the easiest days were between 6 months and 3 years. Then she became a terror 😬 but then is got easier again after 4.5. She's now almost 9 and it's challenging but by no means like that of a toddler or baby!

My 2nd well, he's a different ball game. Generally I find him much more challenging, but he was very hard from newborn through to 3. I can only say that since 3/3.5 I have found him easier.

But it does sound to me like you need to find a way, if at all possible, to find some time for you, quality time doing something you love, not just the snap shots of time you get now or work, but find a way to do what you like and need to give yourself more self care. If you can manage to factor that in even weekly it will help you cope with the other times. I didn't really get to do this until my 2nd was 3 and it has made an enormous difference to me and how I cope as a parent.

It doesn't. Mine are now (just) adults and it just becomes challenging in a different way. For us teenage years we're way harder than younger years.

I was going to type that you're going through the really shit part of parenting i.e. until they can talk and become soooo much more interesting. But then they hit puberty.....Hang in there. It gets better. Honestly 🥰🥰

I'd say you're at the bit where it starts getting incrementally easier now, but for me I didn't start to enjoy parenting until she was about 3. Hang in there.