What ages does motherhood get easier?

[strugglingtostaysane]

Please someone on this gloomy Sunday tell me when does having a child get easier? I've been lurking in a million threads where I keep reading that it's going to get easier when DC are 6/8/12months or any other INSERT HERE age.

I have one toddler 13 months and so far I've hated every stage so far. I don't like being alone with DC, he is so bitey and he pulls my hair all the fucking time. I'm always saying "no gentle hands" or whatever the fuck I'm supposed to say not to traumatise him.

Being a mum is nothing like I expected. I thought I understood the relentless of it but there were so many things I didn't expect like the throwing food on the floor ALL the time or him scratching me on the face, I have so many it looks like I got into a fight with an angry cat.

Now he's past 12months I get asked about having another and I want to scream NEVER!! DH sort of agrees with staying at 1 DC but occasionally has delusions of 2 kids. I asked my mum why she pushed me to have kids when it's so brutal on women and it was for her too and she just said " oh this phase of your life will be over before you know it". I read a thread here the other day about motherhood and it was the most insightful thing I've read since getting pregnant. I didn't appreciate that I wouldn't get to live MY life except in service to others, DS, DH, the dog, family life etc . Yes I get pockets of time, mostly when I'm working or DS is in bed but none of it fulfilling in the same way it was before, but I'm always anxiously thinking about food for the next day or washing clothes or something for nursery or the constant to do list in my head

I want to know when I'm going to start enjoying it or at least when is it less fucking all consuming.

To head off the comments which I know will come: yes I had PND, already taking meds and had therapy, not depressed, already back at work (love my work!!) , probably have ADHD but can't get my GP to accept a diagnosis from my teens. I'm not in the U.K.

Honestly for me it's now, child aged 6.5. Sorry that's probably not what you want to hear!

I get it though, the early years are SO bloody hard

Mine was a nightmare from 18 months to 4. Things got a lot better from 5 but she still won’t play independently. She’s 6 now and delightful
most of the time but it’s still exhausting.

4

I found both of mine much nicer after about age 4.

My oldest was a hair puller and face scratcher so I learned to keep my hair tied up and carry her facing away from me wherever possible, I also used to say 'no pulling my hair' firmly and put her down whenever she did it.

I should add, we stopped at 1 child because I found it so hard! No regrets.

I’d say primary school age, so from 4 I guess. I’d have a third but I can’t go through the riddler stage again - soooo hard. Hang on in there - it does get easier.

*toddler!

Teenage and young adults can be challenging too. So many issues with friends school work, getting jobs, learning to drive avoiding the usual pitfalls drink drugs unprotected sex I could go on- it’s been a heavy week in our household can’t you tell…

The food mess is digesting. My 2 and a half year old is quite neat now. His little sister is awful. It's soul destroying. She won't do packets so it's all finger food. I can't describe the mess. Picking cold food off the floor kills me. Luckily she's a lovely smiley baby who loves to cuddle and laugh. But the food is grim.

Mine was the most hideous baby ever but turned into a fabulously easy child, I think around 3 but it's hard to remember. She's nearly 7 now and totally easy going, great sleeper, absolutely lovely kid. I dread the teenage years when it's bound to go horribly wrong and I'll have become so complacent I won't know how to cope.

@lissie123

Teenage and young adults can be challenging too. So many issues with friends school work, getting jobs, learning to drive avoiding the usual pitfalls drink drugs unprotected sex I could go on- it’s been a heavy week in our household can’t you tell…

That's true - but she doesn't need to know that yet

Honestly OP, once they are at school and the reception teacher has whipped them into shape it is so much easier

Aaah my lovely, I’m sorry you’re going through this. All I ever wanted was to be a mother and I’ve not taken to it as naturally as I wanted. My son was hard work as a baby and toddler, my daughter is hard work now (4) but now they are both at school everything is much more manageable. Probably not what you wanted to hear but the baby/toddler/preschool stage was definitely not for me!

I’ve got two with a 22ish month age gap so we had double the length of bullshit. Things improved dramatically when they were about 4 and 6 and it’s been much better ever since. So my guess would be that life will return to happy normality of a certain kind when your son is four. Later if you have another one any time soon (the advantage of having another one soon of course being that you lose some of the BS time in double BS time). It does improve though and fairly soon. Things will improve.

@Franca123

The food mess is digesting. My 2 and a half year old is quite neat now. His little sister is awful. It's soul destroying. She won't do packets so it's all finger food. I can't describe the mess. Picking cold food off the floor kills me. Luckily she's a lovely smiley baby who loves to cuddle and laugh. But the food is grim.

A massive tablecloth under the high chair helped me. I hate food on the floor.

4 year up are a pleasure. No tantrums.

For me 0-4 was the hardest, 5-10 was very easy. 11-14 hard, then 14 plus, life went back to normal.

My wise old uncle south five kids told me don't bother going to restaurants, theatres any paid for activity until they're 7.he wasn't far wrong.

Actual parenting got easier when dts hit 3.

Age 6-10 were the best of times

Totally depends on the child, parent and sibling dynamic. DH was great with babies and I was great with toddlers. Ours are 4 and 6, and DH and I are both finding it quite challenging. It's still relentless but in a different way, and the sibling rivalry/arguing etc etc is off the charts at the moment.

Mine are at primary school now. I absolutely shudder to think about the toddler years - I absolutely hated from crawling age to about 3/3.5. At that point they went to preschool, they slept through, they ate with cutlery reasonably nicely, they didn’t have nappies, we didn’t need bags of stuff everywhere we went, they could communicate in a way I understood, they didn’t try to kill themselves in novel ways every ten seconds, they played on their own and more than all that they became funny, loving, thoughtful, interesting actual little people. I love the tiny baby stage but you couldn’t pay me enough to have a 13 month old again. But hang in there, it does eventually improve. Though I suspect this primary age stage is a bit of a lull before the teenage years hit!

My favourite stage was when they were babies and couldn't move if you put them down somewhere. After that it's just a massive shit show until they leave home.

18 months was the tipping point for me but the best age so far is definitely 5. You're definitely still in the most physically exhausting bit

Re the food mess - I used to get in such a state about this, it honestly impacted my mental health. The Health Visitor used to come (when ds was a baby and dd was 2) and tell me to leave the cleaning and have a sleep when baby slept - I would look at her askance as if she was a loon. I was a clean / neat freak. If you want to stay sane you have to reprogramme yourself and embrace a bit of mess and dirt. I have actually managed to do this - it took a few years (just as well as I now have 4 dogs as well as 2 teenagers). I learnt to sit and read a book with a mountain of washing festering in the corner and hair balls (from the dogs) floating around the room like tumbleweed - because housework is never fucking done so why kill yourself trying

Re the not getting any time to yourself - this also was a massive adjustment for me. I didn't have kids until my mid thirties and was used to pleasing myself. Its a huge change and it can cause depression - but it will get better. Hang on in there OP - it seems like an eternity now but it will pass

I've heard (many times) that parenting doesn't get easier, it just gets different. That is to say what's hard at age 1 isn't at age 2 but age 2 comes with its own set of challenges, and so-on.

My DD is 23 months and I have the opposite problem to you. I have LOVED her baby stages only because she's slept through the night and rarely cried and generally been a little angel (most of the time). Yes, she pulls my hair and sticks her nails into my face, but I still adore her. I know lots (and lots, and lots) of other baby/toddler parents aren't so fortunate. Still, we've loved it SO much we're TTC again.

That said, I DREAD her school days. The monotony of getting up at 6.30am to wash/dress/feed/prepare little darling(s) every. Fucking. Weekday. I am not... I repeat NOT a morning person and I HATE monotony. I dread it. Sending her off with her little book bag and lunch box containing things her teacher will decide whether she can have or not and not me as her mother. Fuck that shit! School plays. Costume panics (World Book Day and so-on) and an ENDLESS STREAM OF COUGHS AND COLDS. NO. NO. NO.

Well, I figured if I'm having to do this for one child I may as well do it for two (if I'm lucky enough to have another child).

I'm sure it won't all be a total nightmare. There will be good bits like not having sticky hands try and swipe a sandwich out of my mouth every time I sit down to eat. I can have a wee without being watched. I can get a new job and have some time away from home.

To answer your question OP, I don't believe parenting gets easier (ever). Parents live in fear 24/7 from babies right up until adulthood and way beyond. It just gets different and it's upto us to roll with the punches and celebrate the better days. Seriously though, I do hope you're okay.

I don’t think there’s an ‘age’ when it gets better. I think it just goes in peaks and troughs, all through parenthood.

I have three DCs who are older and, honestly, today has been a nightmare. At different points I’ve had messy, entitled, moody, stroppy… but then most of the time they’re lovely.

I think the key is to really appreciate the days when they are a delight and just get through the rest.

(I’d also recommend quite small amounts of food at a time if he’s a messy eater, and make sure he’s nice and hungry at each meal. Hungry babies throw less food