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Original poster

What ages does motherhood get easier?

110 replies

strugglingtostaysane · 24/10/2021 21:04

Please someone on this gloomy Sunday tell me when does having a child get easier? I've been lurking in a million threads where I keep reading that it's going to get easier when DC are 6/8/12months or any other INSERT HERE age.

I have one toddler 13 months and so far I've hated every stage so far. I don't like being alone with DC, he is so bitey and he pulls my hair all the fucking time. I'm always saying "no gentle hands" or whatever the fuck I'm supposed to say not to traumatise him.

Being a mum is nothing like I expected. I thought I understood the relentless of it but there were so many things I didn't expect like the throwing food on the floor ALL the time or him scratching me on the face, I have so many it looks like I got into a fight with an angry cat.

Now he's past 12months I get asked about having another and I want to scream NEVER!! DH sort of agrees with staying at 1 DC but occasionally has delusions of 2 kids. I asked my mum why she pushed me to have kids when it's so brutal on women and it was for her too and she just said " oh this phase of your life will be over before you know it". I read a thread here the other day about motherhood and it was the most insightful thing I've read since getting pregnant. I didn't appreciate that I wouldn't get to live MY life except in service to others, DS, DH, the dog, family life etc . Yes I get pockets of time, mostly when I'm working or DS is in bed but none of it fulfilling in the same way it was before, but I'm always anxiously thinking about food for the next day or washing clothes or something for nursery or the constant to do list in my head

I want to know when I'm going to start enjoying it or at least when is it less fucking all consuming.

To head off the comments which I know will come: yes I had PND, already taking meds and had therapy, not depressed, already back at work (love my work!!) , probably have ADHD but can't get my GP to accept a diagnosis from my teens. I'm not in the U.K.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 24/10/2021 22:04

That said, I DREAD her school days. The monotony of getting up at 6.30am to wash/dress/feed/prepare little darling(s) every. Fucking. Weekday. I am not... I repeat NOT a morning person and I HATE monotony. I dread it. Sending her off with her little book bag and lunch box containing things her teacher will decide whether she can have or not and not me as her mother. Fuck that shit! School plays. Costume panics (World Book Day and so-on) and an ENDLESS STREAM OF COUGHS AND COLDS. NO. NO. NO.

Just wait until the first day or the Nativity Play or some small triumph. It’s wonderful.

Comedycook · 24/10/2021 22:05

Each stage is easy and difficult in different ways. Mine are 11 and 13. I still feel like I don't really have a life...I merely exist to facilitate everyone else's life. On the plus side,I can sit in another room,close the door, read, nap and watch TV in peace.

LovingBob · 24/10/2021 22:07

Usually when they are at primary school its quite easy apart from juggling childcare and school if you work. The teen years can be difficult.

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LimitIsUp · 24/10/2021 22:08

I personally think it does get easier (my personal experience was a blissful 4 - 13) with a second hard patch during the teenage years (but not in every case, my ds has been easy but my dd has struggled with clinical anxiety and has kept me up at nights with worry). However celebrating the better days is a very good philosophy

Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds · 24/10/2021 22:13

4

nc87653 · 24/10/2021 22:14

I found the baby stage really boring.

I genuinely loved (and still love) spending time with my DC from 2+

Squiff70 · 24/10/2021 22:16

@LittleBearPad I'm not sure whether you're being sarcastic there or not! Grin

LittleBearPad · 24/10/2021 22:17

[quote Squiff70]@LittleBearPad I'm not sure whether you're being sarcastic there or not! Grin[/quote]
I’m not. Primary school is generally lovely.

Goldbar · 24/10/2021 22:17

The best part for me so far has been 2-3. DC could communicate and do some activities but still napped daily and didn't talk nineteen to the dozen. Now they're almost 4, no more naps, talk nonstop and they want constant interaction and me to take part in pretend games, which I find exhausting. It was much simpler when they were happy with a sheet on top of the coffee table to crawl under Grin

PennyWus · 24/10/2021 22:18

Age four. Then it just keeps improving until they are teens.

Goldbar · 24/10/2021 22:24

Also, my little DC is the biggest egoist ever... DC is quite an easy-going child, if high energy; friendly, smiley, joyful. We've never had problems with aggression to other children or anything like that. But honestly the "Mummy, Mummy, Mummy", interrupting, demands for attention, "I want to do this" and "Let me tell you this". I quite often find myself muttering "It's not all about you, you know" under my breath Grin.

noblegreenk · 24/10/2021 22:25

Mine turned 3 last month and she's been much easier for the last 3 months. Dont get me wrong, she has some mega tantrums, but I can reason with her a lot more. She can now understand what she's done wrong and why it's wrong. I've even started to get unprompted apologies from her when she's been naughty. I felt exactly like you do for a long time, but my experience has been that it does gradually get easier bit by bit.

Wedowonder · 24/10/2021 22:25

So far. I would say there's a huge difference between 2 and 4

My eldest has just started school and everything just seems so much easier now.

I would say 3 is the beginning of the change. By 4, everything gets much easier.

Potty trained ✔️
Can , entertain themselves for 10+ mins ✔️
Sleeping through ✔️
Understands not to get up before 7:30am (grow clock) ✔️

Stovetopespresso · 24/10/2021 22:25

aaah it's such a crazy rollercoaster imo! embrace it I guess it's a part of your life story...

OldTinHat · 24/10/2021 22:26

I have two DS. 22 and 21 years. Both have their own homes so don't live with me now. It doesn't get easier, more challenging if anything. But your love grows and grows as does your pride in the adults they become.

I always thought things like 'when he sits up it will be easier', when he crawls it will be easier', 'when he goes to nursery it will be easier'...being a parent gets more complex as they age. I'm 50 and staying with my parents as catch up atm and my DF still managed to poke at every trigger earlier and made me so frustrated. And then laughed at me 🙄

Just immerse yourself in every day and know 'this too will pass' and make the most of everything. I know only too well how much I miss those days and how quickly they go.

honkytonkheroe · 24/10/2021 22:27

2 onwards gets easier. I’m not a big fan of the baby stages. Obviously you love your own babies and that’s what gets you through but 2 plus has all been really great fun and 3 plus even more so.. Kids now 27, 19 and 10 and I’ve loved all ages from 2 really. I think the thing with babies is, the sheer work outweighs the really good bits so there are just stages you have to go through to get the child you want but it is hard. As they get older, the effort going in decreases and the enjoyment increases. That’s my take on it anyway! I couldn’t choose my favourite age but it would definitely be at some stage past 3.

Constellationstation · 24/10/2021 22:31

I’d say it got gradually easier for me from about 3 years old, it’s not just easier now at 6 years old, but I’d actually say it’s easy, and also enjoyable. So I’m having another one to plunge myself into the depths of hell again.
I think the baby stage was hardest for me, but toddler years were also an absolute nightmare.

Rhubarblin · 24/10/2021 22:31

I agree with age three being loads easier for a neurotypical child. Primary age is lovely imo.

Even DD2 - age 3 has been a lot easier in comparison to her being age 2 and she has mild-moderate delays so we're still using nappies, buggies, communication isn't great etc.

honkytonkheroe · 24/10/2021 22:32

Incidentally my eldest was 2 years 3 months before I thought I could handle another baby and she was an easy child. I actually didn’t have another until my first was 8 due to infertility treatment and actually the gap was great. I really wouldn’t have been cut out for kids close in age together.

MrsGface · 24/10/2021 22:42

Six is amazing. Genuinely funny, insightful, thoughtful (sometimes!), and you can have proper decent conversations with them. Earlier years with a non sleeper are TOUGH. Really tough. We just got a puppy who has managed to bring me back to some of those darker days, but safe to say there are plenty of reasons I’m only having one. But genuinely, it does get easier; even 3 was good. I’m sorry you’re feeling so low, it is a very challenging stage. Can you speak to your partner, or GP about how it’s impacting you?

LimitIsUp · 24/10/2021 22:46

@Goldbar

Also, my little DC is the biggest egoist ever... DC is quite an easy-going child, if high energy; friendly, smiley, joyful. We've never had problems with aggression to other children or anything like that. But honestly the "Mummy, Mummy, Mummy", interrupting, demands for attention, "I want to do this" and "Let me tell you this". I quite often find myself muttering "It's not all about you, you know" under my breath Grin.
I really miss being called Mummy Sad
VerySmileySarah · 24/10/2021 22:46

I found it easier at 4, once they’re at school.

PrincessesRUs · 24/10/2021 22:54

For me, it was easier from about 3 - this will maybe be an unpopular view but I have a little girl, I think sometimes they can be easier, from about 3 she would play for good chunks of time alone with dolls or play doh or colouring etc - I know my nephew who is the same age is not as happy to play alone. Actually I don't think it's a boy /girl thing more you luck out of you have a child into small world play. I've now got a ten month old boy and we're right back into the horror of that worst patch (8-18 months) where they can't talk, can't really play etc so I do understand where you're coming from but my 4 year old is often a genuine pleasure to spend time with

Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss · 24/10/2021 22:55

@strugglingtostaysane

Please someone on this gloomy Sunday tell me when does having a child get easier? I've been lurking in a million threads where I keep reading that it's going to get easier when DC are 6/8/12months or any other INSERT HERE age.

I have one toddler 13 months and so far I've hated every stage so far. I don't like being alone with DC, he is so bitey and he pulls my hair all the fucking time. I'm always saying "no gentle hands" or whatever the fuck I'm supposed to say not to traumatise him.

Being a mum is nothing like I expected. I thought I understood the relentless of it but there were so many things I didn't expect like the throwing food on the floor ALL the time or him scratching me on the face, I have so many it looks like I got into a fight with an angry cat.

Now he's past 12months I get asked about having another and I want to scream NEVER!! DH sort of agrees with staying at 1 DC but occasionally has delusions of 2 kids. I asked my mum why she pushed me to have kids when it's so brutal on women and it was for her too and she just said " oh this phase of your life will be over before you know it". I read a thread here the other day about motherhood and it was the most insightful thing I've read since getting pregnant. I didn't appreciate that I wouldn't get to live MY life except in service to others, DS, DH, the dog, family life etc . Yes I get pockets of time, mostly when I'm working or DS is in bed but none of it fulfilling in the same way it was before, but I'm always anxiously thinking about food for the next day or washing clothes or something for nursery or the constant to do list in my head

I want to know when I'm going to start enjoying it or at least when is it less fucking all consuming.

To head off the comments which I know will come: yes I had PND, already taking meds and had therapy, not depressed, already back at work (love my work!!) , probably have ADHD but can't get my GP to accept a diagnosis from my teens. I'm not in the U.K.

A bit easier once they sleep through the night. But the real turning point for mine was about 5 years old.
IncessantNameChanger · 24/10/2021 22:56

25 or so I'm told. It doesnt get easier in all honesty. It gets different. If your lucky you will have a child who isnt much of a person who likes to ponder on things and is content to live contentedly only needing your time for the very occasional drama. Or you might up with a teen who likes to talk about religion politics and the meaning of life. A lot. And they reach 16 also do this at midnight when your getting ready for bed.

They give you so much joy but it's all at a cost. I love my life pondering teen..we have conversations that I have with no one else ever. I think he is possibly the only human alive who totally loves me with no conditions. So for that I nod and make the right noises at 1am while thinking I should have got the puppy 18 years ago