Friend still shielding.

[Thefuturestory]

A friend of mine I haven’t seen in nearly two years. She lives with parents who are probably in their 60s.

She still isn’t going out apart from occasional supermarket trip. She’s still working from home.

I’ve suggested a coffee recently. She has declined. This is the latest in a lot of declines since lockdown happened.

Feeling a bit deflated. She’s really missing out on life.

She is shielding through choice btw. No medical issues for anyone.

Sounds like she has massive health anxiety unless her or her parents are very vulnerable?

Is she CEV? It's very scary for people in this situation right now. My parents and my dsis are still shielding, both my dad and sister are CEV. I'm very frustrated that they won't even see me in their own home, given that I'm double jabbed and have recently recovered from a covid infection, but ultimately, it's a personal choice.

Cases are very high right now, so I can see why someone who is very vulnerable might not want to go out for a coffee. Especially if they are immunosuppressed and the vaccine might not be effective for them.

@Thefuturestory

She is shielding through choice btw. No medical issues for anyone.

Oh OK, x post, so not actually shielding as such? Just avoiding contact with people?

Still her choice, I guess. She probably has serious health anxiety.

DH is CEV (metabolic disorder so very vulnerable) and it took a bit to get him out and he’s still careful, but he is out.
He socially distances and won’t go places that are really really busy. But there is a way to manage it and still be safe. Frankly she’s being ridiculous.

She’s probably on the covid board on mumsnet

Sounds a bit OTT unless she's CEV. However, there is LOADS going around and maybe she just downs tenant to catch anything. My 19yr old son is CEV and he's catching virus, after virus atm. He works in a. People facing role in retail. He had covid in July - fortunately came through ok, since then several minor and 1 more serious infection. Now has the flu type thing that's going round - temp of 39 etc. I've told him he MUST wear a mask and preferable get a different job otherwise he's going to I spend the entire Winter ill. He was due to have his booster this week but now can't due to this infection.

Downs tenant = doesn't!!

Parents are CEV either.

I am though- didn’t get told until it was way to late and I have had Covid. I understand avoiding risk but you also can’t put life on hold.

Even a walk in park or woods where chances of transmission are low would be nice. I’m really worried about how her mental health is. Her parents are quite old fashioned and worry a lot. She’s barely seeing her sibling and her baby.

Sorry her Parents aren’t CEV either.

I gues its her choice. maybe a little agraphobic? forcing the isssue- even if you could- wont help matters

I have a friend like this too. It’s hard to know how to support them if it is health anxiety.

I’m CEV myself with a child in school and I’m wearing a mask, trying to keep meet ups outside etc but I accept that I can’t avoid all bugs forever.

I’d stop asking her to do anything
It’s her choice and there will always be bugs and viruses around
If she’s normally healthy then she’s obviously got serious issues
I’d leave her to it

Would she have a coffee in the garden or anything?

We have a friend like this. Unfortunately she developed agoraphobia over the lockdowns. She wants to go out, but can't.

We are just giving her time and doing what she feels comfortable with.

I doubt this is uncommon.

I have a relative like this, she’ll do outside things on her own but that’s it.
I also think it’s common.
I have another relative who is CEV and they are judgey if anyone does do something social

Can’t say I blame her. Figures are horrendous just now. Why risk it when you can just wait a while until the virus does and we can go out again without fear. She said hopefully..

Virus dies I mean

I think the trouble is, @Elieza, that we've been waiting over 18 months already and the virus is showing no signs of dying. I very much doubt we're going to be free of it within the next year; possibly much longer. Of course vaccination programmes and herd immunity may eventually drive infection rates right down, but most of us just don't want to put all social life on hold till then.

It's complicated in my family too. Part science nerds, part health anxiety, plus various CEV persons - but not my actual parents.

The long and short of it is we won't see my parents, or brother, again until god knows when. I'll be honest, when my DM called and said they wouldn't see me and DC in the summer I cried for a good couple of hours afterwards and was very hurt.

My mum, who is normally a very sensitive person, told me that even mild Covid can damage your brain etc.
But I work in a primary school, DC are in primary and secondary so we can't hide.

Tbh it's probably the right choice for them, I've been unwell since two weeks after term started with the Not Covids, and the kids have had various PCR, isolating days since the start of term and spiked random temperatures to keep me on my toes.

@Elieza

Can’t say I blame her. Figures are horrendous just now. Why risk it when you can just wait a while until the virus does and we can go out again without fear. She said hopefully..

The virus is not going anywhere. It is going to be with us forever. Are you seriously suggesting that people live this way forever?

A lot of people are really messed up. I think the mental and emotional health problems are really significant for many.

She’s really missing out on life.

That's not for you to decide, though. It's her life, and she is entitled to live it in a way she's comfortable with right now.

I'm not in the UK but used to visit very regularly and miss my friends there. But I'm not going back any time soon. We all have to make our own risk assessments.

It's her choice. I know you might feel like she's missing out but it must be the right choice for her at the moment. I really feel for people who are very scared.
Everything changed so quickly during the lockdown period and people didn't know whether they were or coming or going. One day we were "safe", next day we'd be back into full lockdown. Now we're hearing of the cases rising and services under pressure again but people have to deal with it the way they see fit as the government haven't put the same restrictions in place.

Respect her wishes. Don't push her out of her comfort zone but you could suggest things to gently encourage her now and then. Like a walk in the park when it's quiet. Offer to wear a mask, take LF. Do you have a garden she could come to and make sure you're both distanced? You can't do much else as it's out of your control. The weather's changing so outdoor activities are getting more limited. She'll come out when she's ready.

Thank you for all your comments. I’m just debating how to approach this with her. Keep offering or wait for her?

I’ve had this with a family member too and understand it more as Covid would be dry worrying health wise. I’ve still seen her in garden with my children though.