Friend still shielding.

[Thefuturestory]

A friend of mine I haven’t seen in nearly two years. She lives with parents who are probably in their 60s.

She still isn’t going out apart from occasional supermarket trip. She’s still working from home.

I’ve suggested a coffee recently. She has declined. This is the latest in a lot of declines since lockdown happened.

Feeling a bit deflated. She’s really missing out on life.

@Elieza

I see my friends and family outside. I shop at quiet times. I wear my mask (still mandatory in Scotland in shops and on public transport), sanitise hands and do covid tests at home to try and be as little of a risk to/from others as possible. I don’t want to bring anything back to my elderly mother. I couldn’t forgive myself if I were to be the cause of anything serious happening to her.

I work from home. And I fully appreciate that not everyone is lucky enough to be able to do so.

That’s partly the reason I am making the sacrifices I do. To present less of a risk to myself and family AND to those who have to work in the community.

I’m doing everything I can to stay safe and protect the nhs. And to protect others I don’t even know but who work in enclosed spaces.

Yes I’m a bit fed up. But not depressed as I get out daily for walks. I’m not holed up with boards over the windows and a tinfoil hat on. I talk to people in the street etc. I’m not a total recluse. Just avoiding indoor settings and wearing my mask to protect others, as these were the recommended things we could do.

If we all did this the virus would die quicker. It will die. It will mutate a few more times and then it will go. There will probably be another type of coronavirus to take it’s place right enough so it’s something we will have to live with. Just like flu. But by then we will have more vaccines and better health services.

The nhs staff are burned out. Especially the ones working in the covid wards. I take my hat off to then for the, quite honestly, dangerous work they have done right through.

I think people in here thing that staying at home = weirdo, depressed person.

Meanwhile others and out and about thinking it’s all fine while thousands are still getting infected daily because others are out and about maskless in shops and pubs and other indoor settings. Because fewer get the infection that kills them it’s somehow alright. Long covid is someone else’s problem. Until it’s someone in your own family or friends that dies/gets long covid.

The only reason there hasn’t been a lockdown is because people with mental health issues can’t handle, and because no government can afford it. Businesses can’t afford it. It doesn’t mean it’s perfectly safe to go about like precovid. Yet many are. That’s the bit I don’t understand.

How long then till the virus dies do you think? Are you prepared to live as you are for years? I suppose it comes down to those who are happy to live in their house alone, barely going out and not engaging with the world much, and those who aren’t. I would go mad. Clearly others are not much bothered. The trouble is, those who are doing nothing apart from sit in their house all day apart from go to the shops at quiet times , are going to be really really dull company. What is there to talk about? All my friend who is living this way can talk about is what is on TV and endless doom mongering about Covid. Most of her information comes from the Daily Mail. I just don’t enjoy talking to her any longer.

I am clinically vulnerable (E) and other than being very careful with hand washing and staying away from conformed COVID, I am living my life as usual. This virus is not going away, It is very likely going to be seasonal. Staying indoors constantly without company is no way to live your life.

@Oftenithinkaboutit
But at the same time, the government is not exactly saying "look, your chances of getting it are...%"
You have been double vaccinated, so the chance of you being hospitalised and dying is 0. whatever %
etc etc

Normally, in intense country situations, a government will if anything
downplay the situation. Not ramp it right up to the max.
The media are if anything, worse.

On the news every day, is covid and climate change. Can take up half the news at least. Fear inducing and more fear inducing for some to feed on daily.
Not exactly calm inducing is it?

I’ve got a friend like this - I just ring her now - she’s good on the phone, we speak for an hour about once a month and much as I’d like to go for a boozy lunch with her like we used to, until it happens we just stay in touch as though she lives in Australia without the awkward time zones..

My problem is that everyone wants to do something all the time now. I am tired! 😩

@WoodburnersRUs

I’ve got a friend like this - I just ring her now - she’s good on the phone, we speak for an hour about once a month and much as I’d like to go for a boozy lunch with her like we used to, until it happens we just stay in touch as though she lives in Australia without the awkward time zones..

This is a good way to look at it. However what can there be to talk about when someone has been effectively under house arrest for a year and a half?

@Badbadbunny I'm sorry to hear that 💐

I am still going to meet up (indoors) with my (unvaccinated) family member tomorrow because I am tired of her insistence and judgement! I am going to explain to her, in person, that although she feels I am being OTT and should learn to live with Covid, Covid has been the least of my worries and her remarks and scoffs are not appreciated! I've literally just been through a whole cancer pathway alongside many other tests for concerning issues, (I don't have cancer though, thank God, but I am turning out to be a bit of a complex case). I still need surgery, so I would rather not continuously have to turn down her insistence that we meet up over the next few months, so could we kindly have this one sip of coffee together (I still love her) before I try to at least make it to my surgery Covid free.

We just chat really - mutual friends, her weird boss (she is a virtual assistant to a woman who would like to be Meryl Streep in the Devil Wears Prada), her annoying dad, what’s happening in the news, who’s seen the biggest spider in September, latest good thing on Netflix. Nothing strenuous or even exciting. I think she is verging on agoraphobia but she has her dad telling her that on repeat and it stresses her out so I don’t add to it.

She already knows that what she’s doing isn’t healthy but I feel like talking about it is the same as people advising someone obese that they’re ‘fat btw’. She knows her behaviour has radically changed and that it’s unusual and probably poor in terms of her mental health. She doesn’t need me to point it out. We just have to hope it comes good and with support and calm she can break out of it.

You're being a really good friend to her, Woodburners.

[quote lightand]@Oftenithinkaboutit
But at the same time, the government is not exactly saying "look, your chances of getting it are...%"
You have been double vaccinated, so the chance of you being hospitalised and dying is 0. whatever %
etc etc

Normally, in intense country situations, a government will if anything
downplay the situation. Not ramp it right up to the max.
The media are if anything, worse.

On the news every day, is covid and climate change. Can take up half the news at least. Fear inducing and more fear inducing for some to feed on daily.
Not exactly calm inducing is it?[/quote]
Seriously
You expect the gov to say

“0% chance of being hospitalised or dying”

Seriously?? Seriously?

There is not a 0% chance about ANYTHING when it comes to health and dying.

Don’t be daft

The government aren’t ramping it up to the max

They are saying - get back out there!!! And the massive majority of us are going to work, school, holiday, theatre, cinema, theme parks etc and having a wonderful time.

You are seeing shadows and messages from the government that are simply fiction

@JayDot500
Going round to your friends house to go inside and enforce your unwanted opinions on her isn’t friend like. It’s selfish. It’s ignoring her wishes.

Don’t bother your arse going in her house. By all means talk outside. By why risk taking covid to her. How selfish of you.

[quote Elieza]@JayDot500
Going round to your friends house to go inside and enforce your unwanted opinions on her isn’t friend like. It’s selfish. It’s ignoring her wishes.

Don’t bother your arse going in her house. By all means talk outside. By why risk taking covid to her. How selfish of you.[/quote]
I will bother, thanks. When a person snaps, they snap. That's life and she deserves it, considering how she has made things harder for me. How exactly will I risk taking Covid to her more than her own behaviour? I doubt that.

She's a family member, I can not ignore or avoid her. It is not okay for her to talk around and get people worried about my mental state or question the state of my marriage, all because I did not disclose myself to her. How nice of you to stand in her corner for her. What a great person you must be.

You are so selfish. You are not a good friend. Phone her and say your piece. You could be unknowingly infected with covid with no symptoms. That’s why you should respect her decision and stay away and phone instead

I thought it was the friend who was unvaccinated and the pp who had a health condition? So the friend is the one creating the risk?

@ColinTheKoala

You are so selfish. You are not a good friend. Phone her and say your piece. You could be unknowingly infected with covid with no symptoms. That’s why you should respect her decision and stay away and phone instead

I thought it was the friend who was unvaccinated and the pp who had a health condition? So the friend is the one creating the risk?

Yeah. I admit my post isn't clear, but I am certainly not the one disrespecting anyone's condition.

The paranoia on this thread, Jesus Christ

@Blueeyedgirl21

The paranoia on this thread, Jesus Christ

Paranoia and ignorance

Toxic combination

@Thefuturestory

Parents are CEV either.

I am though- didn’t get told until it was way to late and I have had Covid. I understand avoiding risk but you also can’t put life on hold.

Even a walk in park or woods where chances of transmission are low would be nice. I’m really worried about how her mental health is. Her parents are quite old fashioned and worry a lot. She’s barely seeing her sibling and her baby.

I totally agree with you, I lost my dad to covid and he’d kick my backside if he thought I wasn’t getting out there and living life! People are damaging themselves more mentally than covid will, carrying on like this

My very aged high vulnerable aunt is mortified at thought of families restricting themselves on her account

She also feels very patronised but the “protect the vulnerable”.
She says she’s vulnerable. Her problem. So she will protect herself.

@Oftenithinkaboutit

My very aged high vulnerable aunt is mortified at thought of families restricting themselves on her account

She also feels very patronised but the “protect the vulnerable”.
She says she’s vulnerable. Her problem. So she will protect herself.

Isn't this what the OP is about though? Someone deciding to protect themselves and getting absolutely torn apart for it?

Torn apart by whom?

I think the woman in question has a mental helpers problem, as does the op. She isn’t vulnerable. She is elderly. And she won’t even go outside for a walk. That is extreme anxiety. I said the op should accept the situation but let her know she is worried about her and here for her when she’s ready

My aunt is vulnerable. Is very elderly. And will go outside for walks with family and sit outside cafes having lunch etc

There is risk inherent in everything we do. Flying, crossing the road, driving, every day we could die. Life is for living, not sitting at home all day long seeing no one because of the fear of contracting a virus that most people recover from .