Friend still shielding.

[Thefuturestory]

A friend of mine I haven’t seen in nearly two years. She lives with parents who are probably in their 60s.

She still isn’t going out apart from occasional supermarket trip. She’s still working from home.

I’ve suggested a coffee recently. She has declined. This is the latest in a lot of declines since lockdown happened.

Feeling a bit deflated. She’s really missing out on life.

@User983590521

For myself, I am not happy with going nowhere and seeing no-one. I don't believe I have a mental health problem. I am not anxious about a perfectly normal situation. This is a very abnormal situation. I would be happy to meet outside but have only had 2 meet ups this way as friends seem to feel it's not good enough. I am not going to go into someone's house, and certainly not into a busy cafe. This is because of concern for the relative I live with. I wouldn't enjoy taking chances with my relative's health by meeting up indoors and that is what would make me anxious.

I hope, tho, that I don't come across to friends as someone who needs tender concern and offers to 'be there for me'.
I'm the same person as before, dealing with the current situation in the way that I have to. That's all.

I'm similar. I'm shielding to protect my OH who is cev. Not only does that mean not socialising, it's also impacted badly on my business as I'm working behind closed doors and not seeing clients face to face. But, it's our decision and we bear the consequences. The last thing I need is some patronising friend saying they'll "be there for me". I don't need that, I just need them to understand I'm shielding and to stop banging on about it!

There's a lady I know still refusing to go inside anywhere, shopping being delivered etc. She has no health issues except now extreme health anxiety.

What makes me angry is that she tells anyone who will listen how we are being irresponsible going out to shops forgetting about the workers who are bringing her her groceries etc.

That is foolish of her gogohm.
I really felt for the shop workers, factory workers, bus drivers etc whose ordinary jobs suddenly became high-risk and they just had to get on with it.

(I have always continued to go to the supermarket, although at quiet times, and now also go to small shops if they are not busy.)

I don’t see what’s wrong with the lady shopping online. Shes staying safe as much as she can is she not?

She’s staying out of shops. Yes she gets messages delivered but they leave them at the door so they aren’t in her house so it’s safer for them than the checkout staff who have customers right next to them.

@Elieza

I don’t see what’s wrong with the lady shopping online. Shes staying safe as much as she can is she not?

She’s staying out of shops. Yes she gets messages delivered but they leave them at the door so they aren’t in her house so it’s safer for them than the checkout staff who have customers right next to them.

I agree. Whatever happened to "live and let live". Why can't someone be allowed to live their life as they want to, without all those "who know better" jumping in to tell them they're wrong and should be doing x, y, z instead???

I'm CV, even had an email from my GP recently saying to have the booster as I'm at high risk of complications from Covid (I've had the booster now); but I've worked in a hospital with patients including Covid patients all through the pandemic as Occupational Health wouldn't accept that I was CV!!

So I've been living a relatively normal life, I recently got back from an enjoyable fortnight in Spain (masks on the plane, & Covid precautions were strict in Spain so it felt safe); I'm seeing family & friends & their children, I go out shopping & for coffees & out to restaurants.

I still wear a mask in busy places & gel my hands regularly. I think you have to be careful definitely but I want to live my life now & I hated every moment of the lockdowns as I live alone.

However although I have been to pubs sitting at tables; I haven't been out standing up / dancing in a group of people in a busy bar / club yet.

For example I've planned to go to the directorate Christmas party (no masks) at the start of December and I'm supposed to be going to a work leaving party next week....but... I keep having second thoughts though.
Some people at work go mask free in shops & have been to crowded gigs & festivals... I'm just unsure about how I feel?

One of my best friends who is also CV has worked from home throughout Covid & now says she will NEVER return to the office! I was shocked I admit.
The real reason is that she hates office politics.
She actually had a panic attack driving out of her small town to my town recently.
She only recently began going to shops other than the supermarket since the start of 2020! & only just started going for coffee.

I cannot understand people who are not CV hiding away at home though unless they are just natural introverts or have extreme anxiety like agrophobia.

I had awful anxiety surrounding covid, honestly it was draining, I did things as I have a young child who was 6mo when we went into lock down, but everytime I went anywhere I would lose sleep for days and be constantly taking my temp.

At the back end of last week I tested positive.... And it was for me personally the best thing that could have happened, it really hasn't been that bad - of course I've not felt very well, but it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be. I was in this awful cycle of googling and reading articles (and the MN covid boards 🤦🏻‍♀️) and I had catastophised to the point where I was convinced if I caught it I would die, the media/social media has done us a huge disservice during this pandemic so I can fully understand why some people are still nervous.

Just message your friend and tell her you understand how she's feeling but you'd love to see her safely when she's feeling ready and leave it with her

@RobinPenguins

Some behaviours which would previously have garnered a lot of concern are now being normalised in a way that’s just not healthy. It’s absolutely not an “understandable approach” to be taking, almost 2 years on, as someone not CEV who can only be in their 40s at most (if her parents are in their 60s). It’s really sad, and must feel like you’ve lost a friend. Must admit at this point I think I’d just be stepping back and leaving her to it. Maybe check in every once in a while but there’s obviously some serious health anxiety going on and that’s really draining to try to support someone through, if they even want the support. If she doesn’t and thinks this is a normal or sensible response then it’s probably impossible.

I agree with this. So many people are drained by the way life has been imbalanced even if they are ticking along relatively normally and just don't have the spare emotional capacity to be chasing after and propping up people who are either overly anxious and in need of professional support or conviently hiding behind Covid as an excuse to drop social contact.

Rates were very low in April- June and meeting up in low risk outdoors settings including beer gardens if this is objectively about risk. (Which it is highly unlikely to be)

Whatever the motivation, the next 6 months are not going to be easy for people to emerge from self-imposed isolation, and it is unreasonable to put social activity on hold for at least two years and expect people to be avaliable like it's still new year 2020 and nothing happened.

I had a lot more sympathy in 2020, but the toll of waiting for life to restart in a stable and meaningful way until well into this year, and accommodating everyone's differing level of comfort has utterly drained that from me now.

@Elieza

Can’t say I blame her. Figures are horrendous just now. Why risk it when you can just wait a while until the virus does and we can go out again without fear. She said hopefully..

The virus is not going to 'die'.

She sounds depressed

I have family members like this, I have just decided to take a step back and not extend offers. I only get told no, then a lecture about how dangerous and silly I am for going out.

It's sad because some people are like this for various reasons, my elderly grandparents want to see family members but are scared that the village will gossip, one cousin is scared to death of catching it even though she is in her 20s no health issues etc. An elderly aunt with multiple health problems is understandably shielding still. All things I understand but just not sure what to do really. I suffered bad at the start of the pandemic so can relate but I dont know the answer.

@BogRollBOGOF

That’s how I feel too. I haven’t got the capacity to be patient with people who are frightened, awful though that sounds. I’m drained and depleted myself . I just think people need to get a grip and have a bit of Dunkirk spirit or something. All this wailing and gnashing of teeth is doing no one any good. A hundred years ago people died routinely of TB and all manner of things. Children died in infancy. We aren’t immortal.

It makes me laugh how some people think they’re so special they can never leave the house again in case they catch covid
But it’s fine for Nhs workers, shop workers, teachers, bus drivers etc to have to go sboy their business

It’s a massively privileged viewpoint to be coming from and quite classist too

Badbadbunny sorry to hear that.

"It makes me laugh how some people think they’re so special they can never leave the house again in case they catch covid"

^ it makes me angry that people think they're so special they shouldn't have to and don't wear a mask or socially distance or avoid crowds yet expect the NHS workers to look after them if they get ill from Covid.

@WTF475878237NC that makes me angry too!! I’m a staunch mask wearer sanitizer and social distancer where possible but some of us HAVE to leave the house to facilitate the lives of those in hiding !!!

@Elieza

I’m going to take a pun here
You don’t have children?
You don’t have hobbies?
Family that want to see you?
Friends that want to see you?

I see my friends and family outside. I shop at quiet times. I wear my mask (still mandatory in Scotland in shops and on public transport), sanitise hands and do covid tests at home to try and be as little of a risk to/from others as possible. I don’t want to bring anything back to my elderly mother. I couldn’t forgive myself if I were to be the cause of anything serious happening to her.

I work from home. And I fully appreciate that not everyone is lucky enough to be able to do so.

That’s partly the reason I am making the sacrifices I do. To present less of a risk to myself and family AND to those who have to work in the community.

I’m doing everything I can to stay safe and protect the nhs. And to protect others I don’t even know but who work in enclosed spaces.

Yes I’m a bit fed up. But not depressed as I get out daily for walks. I’m not holed up with boards over the windows and a tinfoil hat on. I talk to people in the street etc. I’m not a total recluse. Just avoiding indoor settings and wearing my mask to protect others, as these were the recommended things we could do.

If we all did this the virus would die quicker. It will die. It will mutate a few more times and then it will go. There will probably be another type of coronavirus to take it’s place right enough so it’s something we will have to live with. Just like flu. But by then we will have more vaccines and better health services.

The nhs staff are burned out. Especially the ones working in the covid wards. I take my hat off to then for the, quite honestly, dangerous work they have done right through.

I think people in here thing that staying at home = weirdo, depressed person.

Meanwhile others and out and about thinking it’s all fine while thousands are still getting infected daily because others are out and about maskless in shops and pubs and other indoor settings. Because fewer get the infection that kills them it’s somehow alright. Long covid is someone else’s problem. Until it’s someone in your own family or friends that dies/gets long covid.

The only reason there hasn’t been a lockdown is because people with mental health issues can’t handle, and because no government can afford it. Businesses can’t afford it. It doesn’t mean it’s perfectly safe to go about like precovid. Yet many are. That’s the bit I don’t understand.

I am going to start a thread about this at some point[said this earlier today on MN already].

Far too many people are scared witless of covid.

I mainly blame the government, and the media. If you look at the wording of both, they do nothing to allay peoples' fears. They deliberately put words such as "dying with covid", without saying that covid may have next to nothing to do with why a person actually died.

And in my opinion, they are doing so deliberately.
The media want to sell newspapers, or have people watch.
The government, well people have many theories on what they are doing and why.

My brother is the same it's so sad. Total waste of life.

I wonder if these people will come to their senses and think how silly they were to miss years of thier life?

And I do not mean the vulnerable I mean young and healthy.

Well said Eleiza.

I'm not a social butterfly at all but I am gently cracking up from seeing no-one other than my relative who I live with.
As my friends seem to think that meeting outdoors is not good enough, tho, I've recently contacted a local walking group in the hope that I can go on walks with them.

"Whatever the motivation, the next 6 months are not going to be easy for people to emerge from self-imposed isolation, and it is unreasonable to put social activity on hold for at least two years and expect people to be avaliable like it's still new year 2020 and nothing happened."

Gosh, lucky that viruses like flu don't famously become more prevalent in the winter months in any kind of "flu season" that might make worried people decide to continue protecting themselves until at least spring on doctors orders.

My best friend is ECV and is still shielding and we're still friends because video and text chat exists and because I don't demand my friends live how I'd prefer them to.

@Elieza

Tho woman does not go outside for walks. She doesn’t meet friends inside AND outside

So your situation is… different!

@Remmy123

I wonder if these people will come to their senses and think how silly they were to miss years of thier life?

And I do not mean the vulnerable I mean young and healthy.

This

@lightand

I am going to start a thread about this at some point[said this earlier today on MN already].

Far too many people are scared witless of covid.

I mainly blame the government, and the media. If you look at the wording of both, they do nothing to allay peoples' fears. They deliberately put words such as "dying with covid", without saying that covid may have next to nothing to do with why a person actually died.

And in my opinion, they are doing so deliberately.
The media want to sell newspapers, or have people watch.
The government, well people have many theories on what they are doing and why.

What are you talking about??

The government is positively encouraging people to move on, keeps schools open, spend money, return to work.

Talk about skewing things to suit you