Posting here because it falls across a few categories. Bear with me...
I went through a dreadful divorce many years ago but in recent years exh and I have become good friends. Definitely the last 2 years have been the best yet and obviously that's much better for the dds. Also he has genuinely pulled his weight much more than in the past and they notice that too.
Dds are 11 and 8. They both have greasy hair now but you won't ever see it in my care because I make them wash their hair enough. . I don't mean a tiny bit greasy I mean it's visible and it smells. Dd1 washes her hair daily and doesn't make a fuss. Her hair is visibly greasy after less than 24 hours. As in she washes evenings and it's greasy when she gets home from school the next day. Dd2 can go max 48 hours and does make a fuss about washing her hair but I won't tolerate it. Dd2 still needs help from an adult. Dd1 can wash her own hair really well now. I have a very ordinary electric shower. I own my house. This is relevant.
Dd1 is suffering with acne which is worse around her hairline on her forehead. We are using effeclar wash and cream and the daily hair washing with head and shoulders does seem to help. If she misses a day it will flare. If she doesnt dry her hair properly it will flare. I assume that's about bacteria build up but I digress.
When the kids go to exh this all goes to shit. Without droning for pages they are returned to me a lot with greasy hair and loads of spots. It makes me sad because dd1 is about to get self conscious, it's not fair. She doesn't complain when her skin is bad but she's much lighter in herself when it's clear. This time around it's taken about a fortnight for her skin to calm down after getting back from dads. This has been the worst incident yet.
I've had a few conversations with exh and he's not completely unaware. He lets the kids negotiate all sorts he admits. He is renting and the water pressure is awful so dd1 cannot shampoo her hair properly (any solutions to this???) to the point where the kids will request stopping off at my house, showering and then going to dads. Not every day though and this is a bit ludicrous.
I could not collect the kids from dads in the morning and go out for the day because I know they will be a state.
I met up with them after school recently and felt awful for dd1 who saw a few friends for the first time since covid with her hair stuck flat to her head looking awful. She had been at dads one night.
I've told him what to buy. I've told him the routine. I've explained everything over and over.
I could start reeling contact back but I doubt that's the best outcome and I need a break now and then.
They have come back in some ropey outfits a bit grubby for years but it was forgivable when they were little but it's not now.
I need him to do the tasks. I need him to understand but also any advice/wisdom about dd1 skin staying under control he can do also accepted!