What ages would you say you are “in the thick” of parenting?

[Thepurpleturtle]

I quite often read on here posters saying things like “I’m not surprised you’re tired, you’re in the thick of parenting” or similar.
What ages are in the thick of it?

I had some hmmm let’s call them ‘moments’ when my three DC were teens but I found the baby and toddler years 100 times harder. They were so relentless. My DC are in their twenties and thirties now and it’s fab!

It's the worry. It's all consuming- that's exhausting l.

I'm not sure it's comparable physically :-/

I say this as a single mother of a child who DID NOT SLEEP for years.

I'd not do those early years again if you paid me but these years aren't fun. The best ones are 6-10 I reckon.

You are so powerless - there’s nothing you can practically do when your 12 year olds friendship group suddenly kicks her out.

I've been through this recently with one of mine dhen her friendship group exploded and it was far far easier for me than when she was a baby. Different people find different stages easier. And I think DD1 was just more resilient than some of the other girls, one of whom has subsequently moved schools and another has ongoing mental health problems that the situation didn't help. Their parents probably found it much harder than I did because their DC suffered more than mine.

@TheLongDrop

All of it. It's hard at all stages to be frank.

I remember having my first child in pram in a shopping centre lift. Child was about 6wks.

Someone said to me- "ha ha, this is the easy bit"

At the time I I was so tired I nearly told them to go fuck themselves but years later I know they were right !!

I look back on the first six weeks after my first child's birth as my dark night of the soul

I would also have thought that one of the big bonuses of teenagers is that however stressful it gets emotionally, you can at least always get some time out - you can just leave them to it for a bit and go for a walk or whatever, not so doable with toddlers

Yes that's true...at weekends, I often nap or lie on my bed reading or watching TV while they play Xbox, watch TV in another room and generally keep themselves busy. That's quite nice after the exhausting years of younger children.

I have a toddler who doesn't nap & a 7mth old. Help!

Fecking exhausted.

I just wanna go to the toliet by myself

Sleep

And have a warm cup of tea.

It's complete chaos as they both have different needs. Toddler is a ball of energy, bouncing off the walls one minute, tantrums the next. All whilst trying to keep a baby alive on virtually no sleep.

A few weeks ago I spend the day with my teenage nephew ( took him out for his birthday) my sister watched my kids.

It was such a lovely day, but other than a few sentences, I just got grunt words off my nephew & he was on his phone most of the time. I could relax

I came home to my sister in a tizzy, running after my toddler with the baby on her, sick down her top
She said she'd forgotten how hard the baby/Toddler years were & she wanted her teenager back! Ha.

I have 2 teens then a big age gap then 2 younger ones. So definitely not forgotten. My teens are harder.

There is another thread where the poster is concerned about her 14 year old going off the rails and trying to get pregnant. I can see how that situation could be much more mentally stressful than small children but I do think people forget how physically exhausting babies and toddlers are. It is the relentless grind of no sleep that does it. I also think it’s unfair to say things will get harder to parents of that age who might be struggling. The vast majority of people on the thread have said primary age is much easier.

I have older nieces and nephews and spending a day with them is a breeze but my sister is bloody knackered after spending a day with us.

Also with babies and young children you know it is finite with teens their mistakes can fuck up the rest of the lives. The stakes are higher. Dear god a 14 year old trying to get pregnant- no words.

That said consistent sleep deprivation is brutal and having to watch them constantly is so wearing. Primary years definitely the easiest.

I’d say under 9 is more demanding physically but over 9 is much more mentally and emotionally demanding and draining. I’d take little ones any day!

Mine were pretty good at going off and playing. Spent time recently with Dh 8 year old nephew who I swear does not draw breath. No one could speak while he was there. So how trying they are depends on the kid as most kids that age are fine but we were drained after being with DN.

I have a teen and I find it physically exhausting on top of mentally.

Because being mentally exhausted means I can't sleep. It's not as constant as during the toddler years and it's a different exhausteness (if't that's a word) but nevertheless, I feel tired and drained.

It's more the issue with episodes coming up unexpected. We had - as every year - a period when the Summer holiday ended. Then surprisingly it was better than we hoped during September only to bite us suddenly a week ago and I still haven't managed to find the reason for the mood swing. Add PMS to it (for her, not me) and it's a rollercoaster. Most likely we are back to normal next week at half-term.

Yes, they are more self-sufficient and don't need constant watching. But even during toddler years we had a routine to relax and recharge. These years are more predictable and obviously depending on the child you know how to act.

With a teen - it's a bomb with an unstable timer.

Yes you are fine then bam - you are not! No warning.

8-15 because they wanted to do EVERYTHING and we live in the middle of nowhere with no public transport. So I drove them all around the county. It was exhausting.

@reluctantbrit

I have a teen and I find it physically exhausting on top of mentally.

Because being mentally exhausted means I can't sleep. It's not as constant as during the toddler years and it's a different exhausteness (if't that's a word) but nevertheless, I feel tired and drained.

It's more the issue with episodes coming up unexpected. We had - as every year - a period when the Summer holiday ended. Then surprisingly it was better than we hoped during September only to bite us suddenly a week ago and I still haven't managed to find the reason for the mood swing. Add PMS to it (for her, not me) and it's a rollercoaster. Most likely we are back to normal next week at half-term.

Yes, they are more self-sufficient and don't need constant watching. But even during toddler years we had a routine to relax and recharge. These years are more predictable and obviously depending on the child you know how to act.

With a teen - it's a bomb with an unstable timer.

Yep. You can’t relax. When they were little you put them to bed, their needs might have been tiring but they were reasonably predictable and easy to manage. Not with teens. It’s relentless.

The teenage years😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱
WORSE than I ever could have imagined in a million YEARS! Babyhood, toddler years and everything leading up to it was an absolute doddle in comparison. Gives me heart palpitations thinking my youngest is 11 and I may have to go through it again!