What ages would you say you are “in the thick” of parenting?

[Thepurpleturtle]

I quite often read on here posters saying things like “I’m not surprised you’re tired, you’re in the thick of parenting” or similar.
What ages are in the thick of it?

I've 4
7,5,2,1 I feel like I'm in the thick of it atm but I know with three daughters what teenage years are going to be like😬😬

Agree with pp who says it depends on the child, but will add to that, it also depends on the parent too.

For us the teenage and exam years, which seem never ending, have required the most honed parenting skills as we guide and prepare ds for launch. The sleepless nights and toddler tantrums were tiring, but a walk in park in parenting by comparison.

I think it depends on the child and it depends on the parent. I found pregnancy and the sleep deprived years the worst and as soon as I got to STTN life got a lot better. DH seems more exhausted now, he's not keen on teenage drama though, from his account he was a well behaved teenager, maybe I should check the veracity of that with MIL . TBH we're probably still in the best stage of parenting between preschoolers and teenagers, DC are 13, 12 and 9 so are just at the beginning of the teenage years so there's the odd drama but the rewards at this stage are much greater than when they are babies IMHO. DD1 is Y9 which according to my teacher mother is the worst age then they start improving again so fingers crossed!

@Comedycook

Primary age is just lovely and that seems like something most parents agree on. They are still quite sweet yet independent enough to carry out basic tasks for themselves.

Yes, I'm looking forward to primary years (though I'm actually very much enjoying preschool and baby, I just struggle to believe that there could possibly be more sleepless nights and exhaustation with teenagers as people claim!) as these threads always include people arguing passionately for every stage being the worst except primary - no one ever names that as their nadir!

I think there is a really nice period between 7 - 9 when they are not much trouble. DS was the most cheerful 8 year old imaginable, and even my slightly narky dd was at her most chilled. You get a very small amount of respite, then you need to gird your loins and strap in for the next/different ride ahead.

@TawnyPippit

I think there is a really nice period between 7 - 9 when they are not much trouble. DS was the most cheerful 8 year old imaginable, and even my slightly narky dd was at her most chilled. You get a very small amount of respite, then you need to gird your loins and strap in for the next/different ride ahead.

Awww yes, I remember that age well,it was lovely, ds even put his clothes in the laundry basket BUT literally overnight at 12 clothes were all over the floor an that set the tone for the next 8 years

@TheLongDrop

All of it. It's hard at all stages to be frank.

I remember having my first child in pram in a shopping centre lift. Child was about 6wks.

Someone said to me- "ha ha, this is the easy bit"

At the time I I was so tired I nearly told them to go fuck themselves but years later I know they were right !!

Ha, my NDNs said that as we brought eldest home from the hospital. They weren't wrong!

My eldest has only just entered his teens, he's 13 and a half, but I can definitely say that the last 9 months or so have been the most difficult time I have ever gone through in all the time I have been a parent.

He's got ASD, the early years with him were difficult but the years from about 6-12yrs were so good I thought all the problems were behind us.

I would go through the toddler years 100 times again before I would relive the last 9 months. At least when they are toddlers you know that you can keep them alive.

And I still have another 6 and a half years of his teens ahead of me, plus two younger siblings heading towards their teens. I'm hoping they will be easier teenagers.

@fluffythedragonslayer

It's about individual circumstances though. I'm not saying my teens are as hard work as someone else's preschoolers. I'm saying I find life more tiring and difficult now than I did ten years ago. I go to bed much later to get stuff done, I don't really get to "switch off" in the evening the same way as I did when they were all asleep by 7pm. I am awake worrying about stuff. I think when mine were little the worry was more immediate - supervising everything etc, where with the teens the worry is more background all the time. The mental load is much, much bigger when they all have their different needs and lives, and it's like I still need to be in control to make sure everything happens but I'm not in control in the clear way I was when they came everywhere with me and did everything I planned. I'm also ten years older now and the health implications that have come with that make life harder. I'm only talking about my life. It was hard work when they were small but personally, I find it harder now. Others may not!

This is it in a nutshell for me. I have plenty grey hair to prove it😂

Teenage years have absolutely been the most stressful, mentally and physically exhausting.

I've just had my 7yo off school while I was working. Very different to when she was a toddler. Definitely not in the thick of it.

It’s interesting that there are so many different views on this! Clearly every stage is hard in its own way 🤣

Teenage years!

Once breastfeeding was going, the young baby bit was nice until they got mobile and was a blessed relief after the pain of pregnancy. DS1 in particular indulged me with a luxurious 2 hours sleep at a time which was lovely after waking hourly from SPD & carpel tunnel.

The terrible twos from 10m to 5y were awful. Undiagnosed ASD and food allergies explain a lot. At a combination of 1-2/ 3-4 I'd often have to leave DS1 threatening to dig through to Australia to chase the houdini DS2. At least he was very un-abducatable. There was a sweet spot at 6. Then SATs at 7 and the 4 hour meltdowns triggered referral. Things settled anyway and the diagnosis and realising DS1 is neurodiverse has helped a lot.

I've made it to 10 & 8 so far and the junior school years are generally good other than Covid lockdowns screwing up DS2's world and creating social and confidence issues by tearing up his friendship groups and trapping him with only DS1 for company for far too long.

DS1 being neurodiverse is a big influence. We lurch from adult conversations to very young emotional outbursts and as he spends much of the time masking and presenting "normally" he looks naughty despite putting a lot of effort into managing his moods.

The teenage years will present different challenges to them both. DS2 for the independence/ social life, DS1 for getting through school life. At least unlike the toddler years, I understand what makes him tick and he has got a functional vocabulary.

Unbroken sleep makes a massive difference. They're low sleep anyway and child-free evenings are not a thing. It makes such a difference not having to supervise everything and being able to go to the post box in 5 minutes rather than an hour's epic of getting dressed and trudging to the postbox of umpteen meltdowns as in the toddler years. DS1 will also appreciate being able to spend time alone and this has begun when I'm local.

I think I can sumarise it by the fact that I quench any broody urges by repeating the word "toddlers" until the feeling passes. It used to be such a relief to drop them at nursery and have a relaxing day teaching teenagers in a school in special meaures!

I do totally love them by the way!

0-3 then 17-19.

1-4 (sleep)

12-17 (teen with problems)

Dc2 on the other hand was a great sleeper and has no issues so far... Dc1 nearly broke me

As a parent of a nearly 2 year old and 7 month old I am despairing at people saying teenage years are harder. How can that be?! I say this as someone who teaches up to 150 teenagers a day... (which I'm fully aware isn't the same, but think I do have a fair idea of some of the challenges they can present).

My hopeful theory is that those who are saying the teenage years are hardest have forgotten the sheer relentless of the toddler years... oh my gosh I'm finding it brutal

Yes the pre school years are physically relentless. Then the sunny uplands of the primary years. Happy happy days. Then…the mental teen years.

I don’t know one mother in my wider friendship group that’s isn’t fretting about their teen. Not one. I walked upstairs last night to hear one crying in the sitting room with Dh. 4 different scenarios played out in my head as to which dd was crying and why before I got to the top of the stairs. You are so powerless - there’s nothing you can practically do when your 12 year olds friendship group suddenly kicks her out.

As a parent of a nearly 2 year old and 7 month old I am despairing at people saying teenage years are harder. How can that be?!

Yes I’m wondering too! I get that teenage years can be emotionally harder, especially after seeing what my parents went through (with my siblings, obvs I was great ahem ahem). But the idea that it’s more physically relentless and exhausting as well - really? More exhausting than toddlers? I get that it’s hard when they’re doing exams, but presumably they are doing the work (or not), they don’t have to accompany you on every toilet break to demand you explain the nitrogen cycle?

Although, yes, probably depends on people’s experience of and memory of preschool years. If my experience was blissful evenings cooking fancy meals and watching films with DH as my children slept soundly through till morning and I didn’t have to worry about anything going on with them, I’d probably have found it much easier. And it depends on what you find hard - for me tantrums are fine and sleepless nights are manageable, but the absolute relentlessness of never getting to finish a thought of my own is brutal.

Definitely teens!

One of mine nearly broke me. Most people saying babies/toddlers are the hardest obviously haven't had teens yet.
Although there are going to be some.people that have perfect teens, the vast majority of my friends have found this phase extremely difficult.

@GoldenOmber

As a parent of a nearly 2 year old and 7 month old I am despairing at people saying teenage years are harder. How can that be?!

Yes I’m wondering too! I get that teenage years can be emotionally harder, especially after seeing what my parents went through (with my siblings, obvs I was great ahem ahem). But the idea that it’s more physically relentless and exhausting as well - really? More exhausting than toddlers? I get that it’s hard when they’re doing exams, but presumably they are doing the work (or not), they don’t have to accompany you on every toilet break to demand you explain the nitrogen cycle?

Although, yes, probably depends on people’s experience of and memory of preschool years. If my experience was blissful evenings cooking fancy meals and watching films with DH as my children slept soundly through till morning and I didn’t have to worry about anything going on with them, I’d probably have found it much easier. And it depends on what you find hard - for me tantrums are fine and sleepless nights are manageable, but the absolute relentlessness of never getting to finish a thought of my own is brutal.

You have some control of little ones, although it doesn't always feel like it.

Teenagers are bright, on the ball and into every crack in your amour should they wish to be. One minute trying to convince you they are adult enough for x,y,z activity, the next crying over bed time (the younger end of teen) here maybe. They want driving everywhere, they don't go to bed so there's no adult only downtime, they argue about just about everything to make a point. They have opinions that have to be counted. This is scratching the surfaces the experience......

Pre schoolers are hard but you set the agenda. That's not the case with teens AT ALL

You can even move the clocks and pretends it's later than it is if you are clever with little ones. Tee,s are more likely to do that to you!.

Don't forget all those with teens have had the younger ones where as all those with young ones generally haven't had teens yet 😃

I felt like this with small kids. How on earth can it be harder as they get older? Ha ha! The nice bits are awesome but the not so nice bits are fuckkng hideous.

Don't forget all those with teens have had the younger ones where as all those with young ones generally haven't had teens yet 😃

Yes, but there are also plenty of retired parents who’ve had little ones and teenagers and grown children, and now describe their weekends as ‘absolutely hectic’ because they went to the tip AND went out for lunch, so I suspect hindsight is not always clear!

Again though, I do appreciate that teenagers can be harder emotionally. I still am not following how they are physically more tiring and relentless than they are when you cannot take your eyes off them at any waking moment. I am typing this with a toddler repeatedly smacking me in the face…

The early years and the teen years. There seems to be a few golden years before secondary when they still think you are wonderful but are not physically in need of everything.
Then the teenage years come and I’m not saying it is typical teen bad behaviour it could be friendships or mental health or sexuality but the mental load is everything.

@creamandberries

As a parent of a nearly 2 year old and 7 month old I am despairing at people saying teenage years are harder. How can that be?! I say this as someone who teaches up to 150 teenagers a day... (which I'm fully aware isn't the same, but think I do have a fair idea of some of the challenges they can present).

My hopeful theory is that those who are saying the teenage years are hardest have forgotten the sheer relentless of the toddler years... oh my gosh I'm finding it brutal

This is more or less how I feel.

I await the teen years with trepidation, but I struggle to see how it can possible be worse than having a one year old and a newborn, neither of whom slept.

I'm fully aware I may be back in 5 years eating my words!

Right now my dc are 10 and 8 and life is pretty easy!

@GoldenOmber

Don't forget all those with teens have had the younger ones where as all those with young ones generally haven't had teens yet 😃

Yes, but there are also plenty of retired parents who’ve had little ones and teenagers and grown children, and now describe their weekends as ‘absolutely hectic’ because they went to the tip AND went out for lunch, so I suspect hindsight is not always clear!

Again though, I do appreciate that teenagers can be harder emotionally. I still am not following how they are physically more tiring and relentless than they are when you cannot take your eyes off them at any waking moment. I am typing this with a toddler repeatedly smacking me in the face…

I am also a little unclear on how teenagers can be so physically exhausting.

I would also have thought that one of the big bonuses of teenagers is that however stressful it gets emotionally, you can at least always get some time out - you can just leave them to it for a bit and go for a walk or whatever, not so doable with toddlers