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Original poster

What ages would you say you are “in the thick” of parenting?

166 replies

Thepurpleturtle · 10/10/2021 21:52

I quite often read on here posters saying things like “I’m not surprised you’re tired, you’re in the thick of parenting” or similar.
What ages are in the thick of it?

OP posts:
museumum · 11/10/2021 09:45

I know quite a few parents of teens and although they do a lot of ferrying to activities, when they are there they can read a book or chill in a cafe rather than sing wheels on the bus and trying to prevent snatching and pushing while keeping an eye on another humans bowel and bladder signals.
I can’t wait!!!

WhyAmIDoingIt · 11/10/2021 09:48

0-3 is tough even more so when they start being mobile.

The golden age of parenting Ive found so far is from 6-10.

I've got 2 teens and so far it's been very bad but yes more emotionally draining and they are on my mind a lot more if that makes any sense.

AColdDuncanGoodhew · 11/10/2021 09:48

I have 5 year old twins, I am not comforted by this thread Grin

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
WhyAmIDoingIt · 11/10/2021 09:56

*Meant to say it's NOT been very bad but they're only quite young teens so still got lots of time left.

I completely agree with other posters about the mental load being worse.
When they're little and sad you can easily cheer them up and now some of the problems they have you can't fix as a parent and it's horrible having that on your mind especially when they go to bed and you know they're still sad.

Overall though I still massively prefer teens to toddlers though at least their company is great at this age and you can have good conversations and laughs with them plus we enjoy doing similar hobbies and can watch a decent film all together or go out for a peaceful dinner.

Toddlers I found were so boring I hated most of everything that age was about.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 11/10/2021 09:58

@museumum

I know quite a few parents of teens and although they do a lot of ferrying to activities, when they are there they can read a book or chill in a cafe rather than sing wheels on the bus and trying to prevent snatching and pushing while keeping an eye on another humans bowel and bladder signals. I can’t wait!!!
Ha ha ha , ferrying around is the easy bit, it's the bit where they ferry themselves around and you have no clue who they're in a car with and then you can't sleep as they're out until late and your mind is racing with endless possibilities of poor choices. Yeah, you enjoy that book while you can Wink
Hardbackwriter · 11/10/2021 10:06

@museumum

I know quite a few parents of teens and although they do a lot of ferrying to activities, when they are there they can read a book or chill in a cafe rather than sing wheels on the bus and trying to prevent snatching and pushing while keeping an eye on another humans bowel and bladder signals. I can’t wait!!!
I guess this is about wanting what you don't have, though, and expectations? Like when I had DS2 I was astonished by how much 'me time' I got on days when I just had him and DS1 was at nursery - I could go for a long walk with the pram and listen to a podcast! I could have coffee with a friend and stay sat down and chatting for the whole time! I hadn't felt like that at all when DS1 was a baby but that's because my mental comparison point then wasn't chasing a toddler around, cajoling him to walk and to put down the stick, etc, etc. My comparison point was to my pre-child life when I could listen to a podcast whenever I fancied and have a coffee with a friend without getting my boobs out to keep a baby quiet! But after a day at home with the baby I was also often glad to get back the one who can tell me when he's hungry and who does something, because actually babies are boring and hard work, it just didn't feel like it from being immersed in toddlerdom. So while right now an evening driving people around and then sitting quietly alone with my book in between sounds like utter bliss, I can very much see how that would not be my permanent feeling.
TheShades · 11/10/2021 10:11

Newborn is obviously really intense, but apart from that I'd say 1-3. When they are mobile but have no sense of danger and you can't take your eyes off them for a second. You need eyes up your bum, as my mum says.

lots33 · 11/10/2021 10:54

Mine are supposed to be at the easier stage -
Junior age. I certainly still feel in the thick of it. Both are v sensitive which means constant friendship dramas, neither are keen on school. 8 year old still has tantrums and is severely dyslexic, cannot read etc plus sensory issues. DS is in Y6 and already often stroppy and confrontational plus has physical health issues.

Can’t believe it’ll ever get easier just different.

Oh and 8 year old is still a poor sleeper and often ends up in our bed kicking us all night long!!

LER83 · 11/10/2021 11:37

Mine are 11, 9 and 6, the easiest part for me was actually the 2-3 age, they were the easiest/happiest little toddlers/preschoolers. The rest has been exhausting, especially the ages they are now, in fact this is the hardest stage for me. Mainly as my youngest has autism and hates school, I'm bloody shattered by 9am! Hoping it means easier teenage years though 🤞🤞🤣

Generallystruggling · 11/10/2021 11:47

18? It’s all ‘the thick of it’. Teenage years are no easier than toddler years, possibly harder because they’re longer…

Chakraleaf · 11/10/2021 12:39

@Hardbackwriter

Sleep does get broken lol you worry about them being out or being OK.

I was up with the toddler between 12 and 1 and then awake with the baby since 4.30 - swapsies?!

Nope lol 15yrs of combined broken sleep and now I'm worried when the teens go out!
Chakraleaf · 11/10/2021 12:40

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

Even if your teens are 'good' and mine was ,it's the knowledge that the choices they make when out and about and you are not there could change their lives forever. The potential for things to go wrong in the blink of an eye is emotionally draining like nothing else IME.
This is me atm. Its just so hard to comprehend.
Chakraleaf · 11/10/2021 12:42

@fluffythedragonslayer

It's about individual circumstances though. I'm not saying my teens are as hard work as someone else's preschoolers. I'm saying I find life more tiring and difficult now than I did ten years ago. I go to bed much later to get stuff done, I don't really get to "switch off" in the evening the same way as I did when they were all asleep by 7pm. I am awake worrying about stuff. I think when mine were little the worry was more immediate - supervising everything etc, where with the teens the worry is more background all the time. The mental load is much, much bigger when they all have their different needs and lives, and it's like I still need to be in control to make sure everything happens but I'm not in control in the clear way I was when they came everywhere with me and did everything I planned. I'm also ten years older now and the health implications that have come with that make life harder. I'm only talking about my life. It was hard work when they were small but personally, I find it harder now. Others may not!
I totally resonate with this. Evenings at 6/7pm used to be bliss or having a babysitter come over etc. Now they go to bed after me..so many worries in the background. The house is never quiet and it's absolutely exhausting- and I'm older!
TheLongDrop · 11/10/2021 12:43

All of it.
It's hard at all stages to be frank.

I remember having my first child in pram in a shopping centre lift. Child was about 6wks.

Someone said to me- "ha ha, this is the easy bit"

At the time I I was so tired I nearly told them to go fuck themselves but years later I know they were right !!

Sunshinegirl82 · 11/10/2021 12:47

I look back at my teen years and think my parents had it easy! No drugs, unsuitable boyfriends or friends. Did ok at school, not so great at a-levels but sorted it out and went to uni.

Plenty of drinking a bit too much at various house parties but in a group and my lovely dad would always come and collect us from the party/pub/club in the wee hours!

I don't remember much in the way of drama at all, the odd argument or crying fit about something or other but nothing too dramatic. I suspect, as with all things, the personality of the individual child plays a significant part.

Frazzledd · 11/10/2021 12:50

I have 2&4 year old Dds...I really hope I'm in the thick of it right now, or at least they'll be a peaceful breathing gap of calm before another 'thick of it' storm...!!??

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 11/10/2021 13:07

0-5 when you struggle to go to the bathroom alone, can’t drink a cup of coffee before it goes cold etc. The most physically demanding phase.

Emotionally exhausting is age 14/15 onwards.

Frazzledd · 11/10/2021 13:23

@ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife

0-5 when you struggle to go to the bathroom alone, can’t drink a cup of coffee before it goes cold etc. The most physically demanding phase.

Emotionally exhausting is age 14/15 onwards.

Phew! So I'm due a break then!
Ori3 · 11/10/2021 13:23

Pre-school years, without a doubt. The only respite you get is when they sleep. It’s a whole new level of intensity as they need you 101%, all the time. As soon as they go to school, life gets a little easier because you’re not on constant duty All.The.Time.

Not all teenagers are terrible I might add. Some are quite amusing to be around, if a little annoying. It entirely depends on the personality of the child.

Comedycook · 11/10/2021 13:27

Not all teenagers are terrible I might add. Some are quite amusing to be around, if a little annoying. It entirely depends on the personality of the child

When my ds13 is in a good mood, he's great to be around...so funny and perceptive. Unfortunately he seems in a bad mood more often than not...in fact one of his complaints about me was that I'm too nice Confused. He can be so rude and argumentative I could tear my own hair out! And I actually consider myself lucky because he is well behaved at school, works hard and doesn't get in trouble

stargirl1701 · 11/10/2021 13:29

Depends on the child.

DC1 who is autistic. It will always be the thick of it.

DC2 who is NT...so far every stage has been easy in comparison.

Comedycook · 11/10/2021 13:29

Primary age is just lovely and that seems like something most parents agree on. They are still quite sweet yet independent enough to carry out basic tasks for themselves.

Insertfunnyname · 11/10/2021 13:31

Up to age 4

ichundich · 11/10/2021 13:37

0-6 years were the hardest so far.

CrazyCatMamma · 11/10/2021 13:37

16+
Just when you thought you were over it, it consumes you again.

Staying awake all night waiting on them coming in, or if they if they do come in, listening to make sure they aren't so drunk they lose consciousness...

Who are they out with? Do they drive? Do friends drive? Are the friends definitley the type who won't drink/take drugs and drive?

Emotional traumas - breakups, mental health issues, been up a few nights making sure they haven't done anything stupid. I don't know about eveeyone else, but I feel teenagers can throw about the term 'kill myself' quite flippantly, not realising the effect this has on parents and all around them. I find it horrifying.

Moving out for uni, what they're up to, are they home safe, are they out alone at night.

It's a bloddy minefield. Bring back my toddlers please!!!