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Original poster

What ages would you say you are “in the thick” of parenting?

166 replies

Thepurpleturtle · 10/10/2021 21:52

I quite often read on here posters saying things like “I’m not surprised you’re tired, you’re in the thick of parenting” or similar.
What ages are in the thick of it?

OP posts:
Joystir59 · 11/10/2021 07:46

Which is ds's age

Roselilly36 · 11/10/2021 07:49

Up to 3 definitely the hardest time, I had two under two and that was very hard work & exhausting. My two are 20 & 18 now, never gave me any trouble as teens.

Oblomov21 · 11/10/2021 07:51

My teens haven't been too bad. So far.

0 - when they start school was the toughest for me.

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Comedycook · 11/10/2021 07:54

Personally I think teens and toddlers are the absolute worst.

I love the newborn stage and primary years are lovely. I'd happily skip the toddler/teen stages

Hardbackwriter · 11/10/2021 07:55

Sleep does get broken lol you worry about them being out or being OK.

I was up with the toddler between 12 and 1 and then awake with the baby since 4.30 - swapsies?!

HarrisMcCoo · 11/10/2021 07:55

The baby and toddler stages mainly.

MsTSwift · 11/10/2021 07:56
IggleyP · 11/10/2021 08:04

Up until about 8, when they start to become more independent in terms of being able to make themselves snacks and simple meals, should be getting ready by themselves in the morning (with some prompts!) , sleeping through the night most of the time.. it all just eases off a lot.

OldTinHat · 11/10/2021 08:08

Until they leave home and not necessarily then either!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 11/10/2021 08:37

@BigButtons

The teen years have been by far the most demanding emotionally- I have been utterly crushed by mine.
There have been times when I have longed for the so called terrible twos again. Teen years are really something else .
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 11/10/2021 08:38

@OldTinHat

Until they leave home and not necessarily then either!
I don't think the leaving home bit helps at allGrin
ZenNudist · 11/10/2021 08:39

0-18

TumtumTree · 11/10/2021 08:41

When I had 3 under 4 I was definitely in the thick of it! It started getting easier when my youngest turned 3.

Teens have been easy for me so far (eldest is nearly 16).

mrsm43s · 11/10/2021 08:50

0-4 was pretty hard, then frankly I found it pretty easy from 5 to about 11/12. Then 11/12 onwards was far, far harder than any other stage of parenting. The problems were much bigger, and the consequences much more far reaching and life changing.

LettertoHermoine · 11/10/2021 08:55

NOTHING prepared me for the teenaged years......I didn't know how easy I had it when they were small and I was moaning about having no sleep :)

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 11/10/2021 09:03

Even if your teens are 'good' and mine was ,it's the knowledge that the choices they make when out and about and you are not there could change their lives forever. The potential for things to go wrong in the blink of an eye is emotionally draining like nothing else IME.

fluffythedragonslayer · 11/10/2021 09:03

It's about individual circumstances though. I'm not saying my teens are as hard work as someone else's preschoolers. I'm saying I find life more tiring and difficult now than I did ten years ago. I go to bed much later to get stuff done, I don't really get to "switch off" in the evening the same way as I did when they were all asleep by 7pm. I am awake worrying about stuff. I think when mine were little the worry was more immediate - supervising everything etc, where with the teens the worry is more background all the time. The mental load is much, much bigger when they all have their different needs and lives, and it's like I still need to be in control to make sure everything happens but I'm not in control in the clear way I was when they came everywhere with me and did everything I planned.
I'm also ten years older now and the health implications that have come with that make life harder.
I'm only talking about my life. It was hard work when they were small but personally, I find it harder now. Others may not!

Comedycook · 11/10/2021 09:08

@fluffythedragonslayer

It's about individual circumstances though. I'm not saying my teens are as hard work as someone else's preschoolers. I'm saying I find life more tiring and difficult now than I did ten years ago. I go to bed much later to get stuff done, I don't really get to "switch off" in the evening the same way as I did when they were all asleep by 7pm. I am awake worrying about stuff. I think when mine were little the worry was more immediate - supervising everything etc, where with the teens the worry is more background all the time. The mental load is much, much bigger when they all have their different needs and lives, and it's like I still need to be in control to make sure everything happens but I'm not in control in the clear way I was when they came everywhere with me and did everything I planned. I'm also ten years older now and the health implications that have come with that make life harder. I'm only talking about my life. It was hard work when they were small but personally, I find it harder now. Others may not!
I totally understand and agree with this

I had my DC in my twenties...when they were babies yes it was tiring...but they were good sleepers and in bed by 7...I had so much more energy. I always looked nice, DH and I had long evenings to watch TV and eat dinner together. Now I'm 40 and they're older...they're up much later...I'm exhausted. I'm still rushing round after them... making sure they have all they need for school and chauffeuring them to their sports and activities. Plus I get the lovely backchat and rudeness for my trouble

Comedycook · 11/10/2021 09:11

Although I will say I looked after my three year old niece for two nights a few months ago...she's an absolute sweetie but dear god, I'd forgotten what it was like to be woken at 6am and having to get up and watch cbeebies whilst an excited toddler runs round full of energy. Definitely took me back! I must have blanked all that stuff from my mind!

Madhairday · 11/10/2021 09:25

Yes, although the physical exhaustion is shattering when they are small, the mental exhaustion when they are teens (and early twenties ime) still takes its toll physically. Maybe it's partly to do with being older and tireder in general. I do have sleepless nights worrying about them. The pp who talked about how we go through all their emotional peaks and troughs with them, but without any control, is so spot on - that's exactly it. We have to watch them make mistakes while we can see better options, and the frustration and worry can be crushing. Then if there is any mental health issues in the picture it's even more exhausting and you just feel so powerless. I sometimes look back to when mine were small and think about how simple life was. Very tiring - I haven't forgotten - but there was a simplicity with just having to physically care for a child.

I don't think it's good to compare, really - just suffice to say that the whole parenting journey brings its highs and lows, and we get exhausted in a whole heap of different ways through the whole thing. The last year or so for me has been the hardest yet because of a big issue, but it doesn't mean other times weren't hard in different ways. Just be kind to yourself within it all whatever stage you're at.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 11/10/2021 09:27

13+

FourTeaFallOut · 11/10/2021 09:33

I think in the thick of it is when parenting is physically exhausting and your attention is required at all times just to make sure they aren't about climb the bookcase or free dive down the stairs.

Honestly, I love the toddler stage - but the constant merry-go-round of needs and scanning for danger until an ounce of self preservation kicks in is an intense parenting stage.

Personally I've found the rest of it, including the teenage years to date, fairly relaxed.

dunkaccino · 11/10/2021 09:36

Primary school years are the easiest - you don't have to watch them every minute and they're in bed early. Before that you pretty much have to watch them every minute, after that hobbies take over and later nights means that it's a much greater demand on your time.

Tonight I'll pick one up at 4, leave home at 5 for an activity over an hour away getting home around 9. DH will leave home at 5.15 to get the other, drop at an activity and get home at 7.15 for an hour before the hour long round trip to collect again.

I remember the days of collecting from school at 3.30, play, tea, bath & bed by 6.30 VERY fondly!

Dontstepinthecowpat · 11/10/2021 09:42

I can only comment up to 14 as that’s the age of my eldest but I really think it depends on the child. I had 3 under 4 then a 5 year gap before DC4 and it was really tough but still easier than my 4 year old youngest on his own. He is the strongest willed child I’ve ever met and when I dropped him at nursery I literally skipped home for my 6 hours of piece and quiet. This too shall pass.

TheUnbearable · 11/10/2021 09:45

Newborn
Teenager when hormones kick in so a little different for each child, it was like a demonic possession for a year.