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Original poster

Can I go to church if I'm not religious?

128 replies

Lonelymum21 · 04/10/2021 10:06

I'm a single mum to 2 dc in primary school. I have no friends, no family, and zero support network around me. Ex dp will take the kids 4 nights a month max.

I'm so fucking lonely it hurts. I really miss adult conversation and days out. If my car breaks, tap starts leaking, or something goes wrong there is no one to ask for advice. I don't want a romantic relationship but desperately want to belong to a community. I wfh so no chance to meet adults there. Would it be terrible to get involved with the local church even though I'm an atheist? There's a lovely village church about 5 miles from me, and I always feel so jealous driving past and watching all the happy families spilling out after a service. I don't really know what else I could do that I could bring the dc along with me.

OP posts:
October2020 · 04/10/2021 10:07

This is absolutely what church is for. Go along, you'd be SO welcome x

Katisha · 04/10/2021 10:08

Absolutely go.

flipflopping · 04/10/2021 10:09

Yes absolutely you can! It's a great idea. Churches meet all sorts of needs in the community, not just spiritual needs.

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Philosophy & religion
Auroreforet · 04/10/2021 10:09

Yes. Of course you can
In my experience most churches are very welcoming but not pushy.
They may have a Sunday school for the dc too.

Propertysearch · 04/10/2021 10:09

Yes of course you can. That’s church in the community. The purpose of it I would say is to bring people together. I’m not religious either but I would join in your circumstances. And I always go for the carol service and mince pies at mine. Once a year. It’s part of my Christmas tradition. No one says hello to me but that’s another story. Go and join in and take the support and friendship.

sunflowerdaisies · 04/10/2021 10:10

The main reason I like going to church is to be part of the community there, we go to the children's services and have made a lot of good friends there. I'd go for it and see what you think.

I grew up going to church but struggle with faith but I still like going!

EducatingArti · 04/10/2021 10:10

Of course you can go! Most churches would be really welcoming to anyone. Obviously you'd need to be respectful of people's beliefs ( which it sounds as if you would be). Have a look and see if they do any week day things as well which might be less "religious" in tone like coffee morning, toddler group etc ( don't know whether you work full time or how old your kids are so these might not work for you).

Beamur · 04/10/2021 10:11

I'm sure many churches would make you welcome.
Other suggestions which might also give you an activity you can all be part of - Scouts, Guides (if your kids are girls) Woodcraft Folk which parents are involved in running. These all have quite a family/community side to them. I help with Guides and have made friends, gone on residential trips and such like.
Get an allotment or be part of a community garden? They often have social sides.
Do you help with your kids PTA/PFA?

StoneColdBitch · 04/10/2021 10:11

Yes, absolutely go. I hope they make you very welcome. I am a Christian but my faith isn't perfect or unshakeable. Even if you're not sure about the God bit, churches often provide a space for reflection, community, and fine music.

EducatingArti · 04/10/2021 10:12

Ps. So sorry you feel so lonely. If you are possibly anywhere in Greater Manchester, pm me!

Cherryana · 04/10/2021 10:14

Yes go.
This is the best idea for becoming part of a community.

When you have been ‘in it’ for years like me I can assure you that there will be the full spectrum of belief from ‘totally’ to ‘some of it’ to ‘none of it but I like the people’. And that is one of its strengths- everyone is welcome.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 04/10/2021 10:17

The church I attend (CofE parish church) will happily welcome anyone coming through the door.

It also does dreadful coffee and tea after the service so people have an opportunity to chat.

This is quite common in the CofE.

HeyFloof · 04/10/2021 10:17

@October2020

This is absolutely what church is for. Go along, you'd be SO welcome x
This!
Athrawes · 04/10/2021 10:17

I have considered going to Church for exactly these reasons. Try it. I don't think they make you keep going if it isn't for you. It's free!

Original poster
Lonelymum21 · 04/10/2021 10:18

Oh, all these lovely replies have made me cry Sad

That's so good to know. The church I have in mind does messy church, craft fairs, bake sales, community fairs and a local carnival so there's loads to do besides attending the service. I thought you had to christened to attend church! I'm definitely going to go this weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelymum21 · 04/10/2021 10:19

@EducatingArti Other side of the country unfortunately! Thank you though x

OP posts:
Noluthando · 04/10/2021 10:20

I often think of doing this just for the community side. My elderly parents have an amazing friendship and support network from the church and I feel safe knowing that they will keep an eye out for them, take meals etc. I could phone any of them for support help or advice.

Noluthando · 04/10/2021 10:21

Why don't you try it and every time they say God, think of it as meaning love and care from wherever you feel this may come from.

woodhill · 04/10/2021 10:27

Please go OPSmile

Church is for everyone

EducatingArti · 04/10/2021 10:29

@Lonelymum21

Oh, all these lovely replies have made me cry Sad

That's so good to know. The church I have in mind does messy church, craft fairs, bake sales, community fairs and a local carnival so there's loads to do besides attending the service. I thought you had to christened to attend church! I'm definitely going to go this weekend.

A church that does these type of activity will almost certainly be geared up to welcoming community members. Be aware that it will still take time to get to know people though. Something like messy church might be a really good idea, especially if your children like craft type activities as you will probably get more chance to chat than in a standard service and there will almost certainly be parents with children of similar ages to yours. Do come back and let us know how it goes.
PurpleDaisies · 04/10/2021 10:30

Agreeing with everyone else. You’ll be very welcome.

Good luck on Sunday

Original poster
Lonelymum21 · 04/10/2021 10:34

@Noluthando That's a good idea. I actually really enjoy learning about religion. I practice yoga and have read the religious texts around it. I would definitely say I'm spiritual but don't actually believe what's in the bible. It's fascinating as an ancient text though.

OP posts:
Beamur · 04/10/2021 10:41

No one will ask if you have been christened. There isn't a register..
Many people go who are curious about faith or like you, are seeking community.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 04/10/2021 10:44

Definitely try it, it may take a while to make the friendships but volunteer for things and you will start to become part of things more quickly. Things like going on the rota for doing teas and coffees or putting things out for the kids group.

In fact if the actual worship side is less important to you helping supervise the little kids during the service might be ideal for you.

Think about other things that you and your kids like too and get involved. Scouts/Guides are cheap activities that are always crying out for adults to get involved and have a good community. If your kids like a sport could you get involved in that? It depends what it is and how much you know about it but clubs often need committee members and people to do jobs that don't require knowledge of the sport like setting up equipment, being treasurer, doing the minutes etc. If not sport what about an Amateur Dramatic society, choir, orchestra/band, dance group, etc.

Also check out your local WI, they aren't just for old women, they are doing lots to attract younger women. Most groups are desperate for people to take on committee roles too and offer wonderful support and community. It might depend a bit upon the age of your kids and where the group meet as to how easy it is for you to go, but check out neighbouring groups as they will be slightly different.

Choice4567 · 04/10/2021 10:45

We would so welcome you at our church. We’re here for community and making everyone feel welcome and including. And when I was a single mum it was such a great thing to go to and have adult company!