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Original poster

Can I go to church if I'm not religious?

128 replies

Lonelymum21 · 04/10/2021 10:06

I'm a single mum to 2 dc in primary school. I have no friends, no family, and zero support network around me. Ex dp will take the kids 4 nights a month max.

I'm so fucking lonely it hurts. I really miss adult conversation and days out. If my car breaks, tap starts leaking, or something goes wrong there is no one to ask for advice. I don't want a romantic relationship but desperately want to belong to a community. I wfh so no chance to meet adults there. Would it be terrible to get involved with the local church even though I'm an atheist? There's a lovely village church about 5 miles from me, and I always feel so jealous driving past and watching all the happy families spilling out after a service. I don't really know what else I could do that I could bring the dc along with me.

OP posts:
Datafan55 · 10/10/2021 17:38

@myheartskippedabeat Alpha, snap -)

Georgewontsleepnow · 10/10/2021 17:42

How did it go?!

Definitely fine to just turn up at church. Lots of people have started watching services during lockdown and are beginning to start attending in person too. Checking out a service on YouTube might help you know what to expect. And there are so many, so try another if you need to. 🙂

Original poster
Lonelymum21 · 10/10/2021 20:14

Thank you for the Alpha course suggestion, I'll have a look now.

The dc went to their Dad's this weekend so we didn't make it. I've planned an early start at junior Park run next Sunday followed by a visit to the church. It feels nice to have a somewhat what busy weekend planned!

OP posts:

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Original poster
Lonelymum21 · 17/10/2021 19:14

We made it! We went to mass this morning and there was a baptism happening at the same time. It was so lovely to watch Smile

The vicar was absolutely fantastic. He had such a kind personality and was actually really funny! He came over to speak to us after the service and we were made very welcome.

I wasn't expecting it, but I started crying during the service. Not loud bawling but a wobbly lip and a few tears. It really hit me how isolated and lonely I've been. Just a few kind words from the vicar and smiles from the people around almost broke me. We'll definitely be back and will hopefully get involved in the community in future.

OP posts:
bluelemming · 17/10/2021 19:18

That's absolutely fantastic OP. Well done!

MrsFin · 17/10/2021 19:21

How old are your kids? Have you thought about enrolling them in Scouting or Guiding and joining as a volunteer yourself?

They are very cheap to join for the kids and free for you. I made a lot of friends through Guiding.

EducatingArti · 18/10/2021 07:01

So glad that you made it and had a good time. Well done!

ofwarren · 18/10/2021 07:26

This is lovely!
Well done OP Flowers

riverpebbles · 18/10/2021 07:36

So pleased, OP.

Blankspace4 · 18/10/2021 07:41

I’m so pleased you found the church welcoming.

It’s been said many times but churches can be lovely welcoming places of community, particularly for families. And what a brilliant time of year to find a good one with all of the advent services coming up. If they do a christingle service it’s definitely worth doing that, lots of candles, lovely scents and it just feels so lovely.

Like you I’m not religious as such (come from a family who are) but I always feel a sense of peace and comfort being in a church or involved in church services.

I’ve also heard about Alpha and having recently moved to a new area would definitely consider it, it’s for people who are totally new to faith and I believe it’s ‘non preachy’ and a good way to meet people.

Keep letting us know how you get on

labazslovesliving · 18/10/2021 08:41

do go chuches need people to keep them going and who knows you may find a faith but if you dont i am sure you will find companionship and friendship. Most churches have an after service coffee meet and the church often has a lot of other groups like crafts Mothers Union etc

AliceinBorderland · 18/10/2021 08:43

Absolutely

Churches are very welcoming. The people nice and it is great to share energy and community with other people.

soberfabulous · 18/10/2021 16:12

I was wondering how you'd got on OP, thank you for the update. I'm so pleased it went so well ❤️

DarlingFell · 18/10/2021 16:27

oh that's wonderful, OP! So glad you enjoyed it and got something positive from going. I'm an atheist but love churches and cathedrals, they bring me peace. I'm also much less strident than I used to be, so I don't mind all the 'God' stuff either. I find it all oddly comforting and actually very interesting.. maybe there is a side of me that is open to religion in some form.. I don't know..

Hesma · 19/10/2021 22:07

Well done @Lonelymum21, be proud of yourself. You mentioned scouts and guides…. Put them both in scouts if you can. I’m a single mum with 2 DDs who love it! Are you anywhere near Berkshire? I’d be up for a cuppa if you are 🙂

homeonthehill · 19/10/2021 22:10

Absolutely go! And have you tried the peanut app? Ive just joined and already arranging to meet people. I think it's more geared around larger cities so could be hit or miss bit give it a go

talkalarm · 21/10/2021 22:12

Ah I just read your update Smile I'm so glad it went well

batmanladybird · 21/10/2021 22:28

Just wanted to say so pleased about this op

Abracadabra12345 · 21/10/2021 23:05

This has ended a long, stressful day with a smile. Thank you so much for your update, it’s so good to have happy news!

Bumpsadaisie · 21/10/2021 23:19

Of course you can. Most people who go will be on a journey of wondering if they're religious or not.

DH is a priest. He wonders often if he is religious.

Kind of funny - but in a way how could we be anything other than curious and agnostic? People who have no doubts are defending against something.

Strangevipers · 21/10/2021 23:26

Yes go !

I hope you make some lovely lifelong friends

Onshoredebris · 21/10/2021 23:35

Churches will always be welcoming as they’re desperate to convert people. Being an atheist myself I couldn’t deal with that disingenuous approach. And I would hate to pretend I believe in God

Have you tried the single parents groups like Frolo? They’re not dependent on you pretending to believe in God and have thousands of single parents up and down the country and lots and lots of meets.

Also the Alpha course has been compared to brainwashing so would give that a wide berth.

I hope you find your tribe soon

savagebaggagemaster · 22/10/2021 00:20

I've often wished I had faith so I could feel part of that community. I've even 'run away' from people inviting me to church because I had a fear of being forced into something religious. I feel it would be wrong for me to go along when I just don't really believe in it.

Georgewontsleepnow · 22/10/2021 10:20

@Onshoredebris

Churches will always be welcoming as they’re desperate to convert people. Being an atheist myself I couldn’t deal with that disingenuous approach. And I would hate to pretend I believe in God

Have you tried the single parents groups like Frolo? They’re not dependent on you pretending to believe in God and have thousands of single parents up and down the country and lots and lots of meets.

Also the Alpha course has been compared to brainwashing so would give that a wide berth.

I hope you find your tribe soon

You speak with such authority on the practice and beliefs of others. On church that you don't attend and motivation that you don't share. That is planting lies in peoples minds and far more disingenuous than a church that welcomes people as they are, with any or no faith.
Marmitecake · 22/10/2021 11:04

Churches will always be welcoming as they’re desperate to convert people. Being an atheist myself I couldn’t deal with that disingenuous approach. And I would hate to pretend I believe in God.

That's a really interesting comment about churches and not one I recognise. My church welcome people in not to 'convert' but to support and in my experience our newbies often come along as they need exactly that or just want to feel part of a community. I've never, in 20 odd years, seen attempts to indoctrinate or convert. We are big on 'outreach' and run a small charitable outreach as well as Messy Church and a memory cafe but purely to give back and most of the attendees never come along to church and if they do it's usually for our Christmas events, e.g. carols, Christingle. I've been with my church for 20 years and I have doubts about my faith ALL the time and I'm involved as I love the community feel, rather than because I believe and act on everything I read in that great big book.

Op, in answer to your question, go along and and get involved in as much as you're comfortable with. Churches can be very welcoming.

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